I loved my wife from the first day I met her. I know that sounds a bit cliche, but bear with me cos cliches aren’t entirely lies, you’d agree. The thing is, I’ve loved my wife from day one, and in my heart, I’ll do anything to make her happy. But that hasn’t absolved her from feeling the pains of my flaws and insufficiencies.
I am very sensitive, sweet and attentive, but I can also be very strict, controlling and verbally provocative. And I’ve often wondered how she managed to put up with me.
On the other hand, I’m aware of these flaws but struggled to keep them in check. Whenever she’d tell me I am a great husband and I can see she means it, it humbles me and gives me watery eyes. Despite my shortcomings, she still thinks of me this way. That makes me want to be better and be the best partner I possibly can be.
If it was that easy to get rid of flaws, wouldn’t we all be flawless and sweet all year long? But I got the breakthrough a few months back.
Humans they say are emotional creatures. And there’s no telling what we can do, nor how far we can go when we are driven by powerful emotions. Jim Rohn writes;
“Emotions create life-change— when a man is exposed to a powerful emotional experience, it could be the day that turn things around”
The day that changed my life was on late April, last year. I and my wife had gone to visit her parents to spend some time with them, share stories and just have a happy family time.
On our way out of the house, after sharing pleasantries, I stood by the car, waiting for my wife as she hugs and parted ways with her father. Before she walked away, the father hugged and kissed her forehead in the most endearing manner. It was clearly visible with the way he looks at her, and the way he treats her, that she means the world to him.
At that moment, somehow I could feel the meaning of that simple act. I was caught up in that very moment — my emotions were steered and I began thinking; that’s exactly how I’ll love my daughter when we have one. She’ll be the best thing that ever happened to me after her mother, and I’ll show her that every day. And that was when it hit me — my wife too, is someone else’s daughter — special and the best thing that ever happened to her father.
If I desire my daughter to be loved right and cared for as much as I wanted, isn’t it wise that I treat my wife (someone’s daughter), with similar understanding, patience and kindness?
As she stepped into the car, a new kind of love was born. I looked at her differently, with admiration and the desire to protect — not to hurt. With the smile and look of admiration I had on my face, she knew something was up with me.
At that moment, I realised love is not about who is right. Nor is it about possession, but about appreciation. When we are able to hold someone above the dictates of our feelings, how we treat them, changes almost immediately.
The key I found is;
To love is to appreciate — not to possess. Your spouse is special not only to you but to her family. Just as your daughter would be special not only to her spouse but also to you. Love her like you would your daughter, then will you learn to protect, then will you learn to correct with love. You will learn to administer kindness and patience to weakness and shortcomings.
Previously published on medium
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