I don’t know about you, but I’ve endured my fair share of emotional abuse.
It feels more painful than a slap in the face sometimes, and my body and mind are deeply affected: My nights are sometimes spent jolting as I desperately try to unwind, even after exercising and getting an inordinate number of massages, and self-doubt can significantly impact my career ambitions and daily quality of life, but I am learning to love myself.
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1. Reframe your internal dialogue
It would be all too easy to feel like a victim of the past, present, and future, but I am not.
I am the captain of my own ship: When the cruel words of others replay themselves in my mind, I change the narrative — I tell myself I am worthy, I am lovable, and, most important of all, I am enough, and I always will be.
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2. Accept being alone
Being alone is hard sometimes: It forces you to confront your demons, your angels, and everything else in between so that you can actually begin fixing the parts of you that may be less than favorable.
It’s hard work, but you’ll only ever be more broken if you stay with people who are emotionally abusive.
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3. Give yourself permission to be as great as you want to be
If you want to write all day and wear a gown for no reason at all, allow yourself to: There’s nothing wrong with celebrating who you are behind closed doors.
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4. Adorn yourself however you would like to
Doing this can help you feel better and celebrate your body in a new way.
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5. Attend events
Sometimes, when we struggle to love ourselves, we feel that we are not worthy of others’ friendship
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6. Talk to yourself in your best friend voice
If you are someone who has been bullied or verbally abused, it can be hard to be half-decent to yourself, but you can change the narrative and only speak to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend.
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7. Forgive yourself
You’re not perfect: No one is.
However, you can certainly let yourself off the hook. You’ll want to stay away from the
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8. Get to know yourself
Maybe you’ve thought of going to concerts or going on dinner dates with a significant other.
Instead, you can simply do those things with yourself.
Also, allow yourself to discover what you enjoy and value in life: Are you religious, active, politically minded?
The world is your oyster.
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9. Accept that some people won’t like you
That’s okay: I don’t think any one of us is every single person’s cup of tea.
If you’re not accepted by some people, do yourself the honor of walking away: There is no point in trying to be good enough for folks who will never approve of you.
You deserve more.
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10. Allow yourself to be single
If we have been deeply hurt, many of us are prone to detrimental behaviors that take a toll on our partner’s mental health.
Give yourself time to heal so that you don’t end up having a negative impact on someone else’s life.
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11. Journal
Chances are, your feelings are a bit complicated at the moment: Perhaps someone who adored has deeply hurt you and you may be feeling very depressed.
I know I have even felt worthless sometimes: It has seemed like someone I deeply cared about was intentionally trying to destroy me.
Journaling is a wonderful way to vent without having to share a word with the world at large, and it can help you navigate everything you’re likely experiencing at the moment.
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12. Nurture yourself
Sometimes other people cannot nurture us the way we would like for them to.
That is when we nurture ourselves by cooking lovely meals for our bodies, reading books we enjoy that inspire us, and exercising to take care of ourselves.
You may also want to enjoy an invigorating shower and a relaxing Epsom salts bath to truly foster a sense of self-care and self-love.
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13. Heal your relationship with money
Unfortunately, it is very difficult to leave an abusive relationship or situation if you have no funds: You can find shelters that will provide you with a place to stay, thankfully.
That being said, you will still have to find a way to get back on your feet financially, and that will likely be difficult if your abuser was also the primary breadwinner in your household.
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14. Foster faith of some kind
I get it if you don’t believe in God or Brahma or Buddha or any other religious deity/guru, but you can still put your faith in yourself and the order of the universe.
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15. Make a habit of practicing gratitude
The best remedy to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem is a routine practice of gratitude.
Perhaps you would like to write down every single thing you are thankful for in this life, no matter how small it might be: Maybe it’s the roof over your head or your cat.
Perhaps it’s your good health.
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16. Go to therapy if you need to
There’s no shame in going to therapy and sharing your story with a professional: They’ll probably be able to help you navigate the many obstacles you have faced throughout your life and get out on the other side.
Don’t ever let other people discourage you from having the courage to ask for help if they personally view it as a weakness: This is a sign of intense insecurity on their hand, because exhibiting this level of vulnerability is actually a sign of great strength.
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Final Thoughts
Sometimes, loving yourself can feel like the hardest thing in the world, especially if you feel unworthy due to what other people have said about you but it’s also one of the most important things you’ll ever do.
If you can find a way to love yourself — no matter how hard that might be! — you’ll likely be a lot kinder to other people.
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P.S. I have a monthly where I send out personal stories and writing tips.
If you sign up here, you will receive my free eBook entitled How to Diversify Your Income Streams as a Writer.
You can also purchase a $50–$60 annual Medium Membership with my referral link: You won’t be charged extra, but a portion of the fee will be sent to me monthly so it’s a great way to show your support!
What do you get out of it? Unlimited access to every article on Medium — There are so many phenomenal ones! — plus a wealth of gratitude from my writerly heart.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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You may also like these posts on The Good Men Project:
 White Fragility: Talking to White People About Racism |
 Escape the “Act Like a Man” Box |
 The Lack of Gentle Platonic Touch in Men’s Lives is a Killer |
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Photo credit: Annie Spratt on Unsplash
