How to Make This Your Best Year Ever

Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you to get up at the crack of dawn, make your bed, take up yoga or buy some infernal planner. Not that any of those suggestions are bad. It’s just that I want to share some less obvious ideas to bolster your success and happiness this year.

Do the following suggestions work? Well, they did for me. I embraced all of them in the past, and my life improved for the better. Others I know who adopted these tips benefited from them, too.

Yes, my evidence is somewhat anecdotal. I can’t point to any big studies or research to back up these tips. All I know is that they worked for me, and continue to improve my life. Hopefully, if you try them, they’ll improve your life, too.

Here are nine tips to help you conquer the new year.

Do the Opposite

Maybe you’ve heard the common refrain, “Do what you’ve always done, get what you’ve always got.” There’s a lot of truth to that, and yet many of us keep repeating the same things, hoping for a different outcome that never materializes.

Blogger Cindy Reed wrote a post about the power of doing the opposite. Here’s part of what she shared:

Over the past two years, since a nervous breakdown left me unable to shower on the regular, what I’ve learned to do is the opposite of what my brain tells me.

Now, if my brain tells me to stay under the covers, to not bathe, to eat Eggos and chips for breakfast instead of real food, here’s what I do instead: I force myself to get up, to make the bed, to wash myself, to fry an egg.

And if my brain tells me to stay timid, to not raise my voice, to give up at freelancing and seek a day job that would be much easier on my nerves than this constant hustle, then I send out more pitches, reach out to more contacts, dive into new projects.

There are many reasons why we stick to the same routines, habits and ways of doing things. They’re familiar and comfortable. We don’t need to stretch ourselves or venture into uncomfortable territory.

If our habits and routines are moving us forward, great. But often, we cling to failed habits and routines.

When we keep doing the same, failed things out of convenience, fear wins. Laziness wins. It’s only when we step out of our comfort zone and try the opposite, that a better path forward can emerge.

And if not, at least we tried and know it didn’t work.

Cindy Reed knew that her anxiety prevented her from doing the right thing. So she did the opposite. She concluded in her blog post:

Because to hunker down is to die.

George Costanza, a character in the hit comedy show Seinfeld, illustrates the power of doing the opposite in this funny, short clip:

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Why not give it a shot? Do the opposite and see if it works.

I used to wait for inspiration to strike with my writing and artwork, but the results were inconsistent. So, I did the opposite. I set up a regular schedule, whether I felt inspired or not. And guess what? I became more consistent and productive.

Experiment with doing the opposite. You just might find your stride and accomplish far more than you thought you could.

Atomic Habits

One of my favorite bloggers is James Clear. He writes outstanding blog posts about habits and optimum living. He recently published his first book: Atomic Habits- An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones. The book is a New York Times bestseller.

Clear suggests that, rather than setting goals, we should develop systems for change. Goals are fine, but the steps we take to achieve them are what matters.

A lot of us embrace big goals, but fail to devise plans of execution. For example, maybe you want to lose thirty pounds. You sign up at a gym and swear you’ll work out regularly. But, willpower is unreliable. You hit the gym a few times, and eventually, stop going.

Clear writes about “atomic” habits. Little actions that, over time, build like compound interest.

For example, maybe you want to achieve better dental hygiene, but you hate flossing. Instead of trying to floss all your teeth each night, start with just one tooth. Next time, floss two teeth. Each time is a small win, and before long, you’ll be flossing all your teeth. I did this, and much to my dentist’s delight, my gums stopped bleeding and became healthier.

The journey of a thousand miles…

Clear also teaches us about the “habit loop,” which consists of a cue, craving, response, and reward. The habit loop can be good or bad.

If you leave candy in a bowl on the kitchen table, it will cue you to crave it. So, you respond by eating some candy and your taste buds reward you. Unfortunately, if you want to lose weight or eat healthier, this is a bad habit loop. Better to replace the candy with apples.

A positive habit loop might include leaving your jogging shoes by the front door, where they’ll cue you to exercise. Putting on your jogging shoes feeds your craving to get fit. Then, going for a short walk or jog becomes your response, and the reward is the good feeling of having exercised. Your initial “atomic” exercise habit might be a short walk. Next time, it’s a longer walk. Before long you’re going for runs and improving your fitness.

There’s far more in Clear’s excellent book, but you get the point. Start taking little, doable actions in support of your goals, and then increase them over time. Atomic habits and consistency will lead to great results. I know, because they’ve worked for me.

As the saying goes, “Earthquakes make all the news, but termites do more damage.” Small habits, done consistently over time, will achieve big results for you.

Forgiveness

Every day, people are emotionally wounded. Sometimes, it’s the ones we love the most who hurt us.

What are we to do with this pain? Must we carry it the rest of our lives, and allow the anger and bitterness to burrow deeper into our hearts?

I met so many people in my law enforcement career who were filled with anger and hate. Wounded souls consumed with rage. The more they spewed hatred, the more miserable they seemed to be.

Anger is a hot coal you throw at others, but you still burn your hand.

Carrying anger within us takes a toll emotionally and physically. It’s no secret that prolonged anger can ravage our health.

So what do we do to overcome anger? We forgive. Forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, not just the person who hurt us.

Forgiveness takes strength. It’s not always easy. Revenge is a persistent inclination. But forgiveness is more powerful. It will lighten your load, and free you to get on with your future, and the rest of your life.

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. – Martin Luther King, Jr.

Interestingly, not everyone seems to agree with forgiveness. Author Sophie Hannah wrote a book titled, “How to Hold a Grudge: From Resentment to Contentment―The Power of Grudges to Transform Your Life.”

To be fair, I haven’t read Hannah’s book yet. Also, I get that people grow tired of sugarcoating everything and pretending they’re not mad when really they are.

But, does the world need more people holding tight to every real or imagined affront? Seems to me we have enough irritated people in society.

We all get angry, sometimes due to mean things done to us by nasty people. I’ve long advocated that you grab the bull by the horns and (constructively) confront people about their harmful actions.

Don’t let things fester. Call people on their bad behavior. Don’t waste time gossiping and commiserating with others about the mean people in your life. Hold the mean people accountable. Deal with them directly (unless they’re physically violent). Maybe they’ll apologize, maybe they won’t, but you’ll feel better for having stood up for yourself.

And then, forgive them.

Let go of any ill will and move on with your life. It will put you on the moral high ground, and allow you some peace.

Get a Dog

Lock your spouse in the trunk of your car for an hour. Do the same with your dog. When you open the trunk, guess who will be happy to see you?

Dogs provide unconditional love. They don’t care how much money you make or how overweight you are. They just love you for being you. All they ask for in return is some food, water, care, and your attention.

A Time.com article notes the following:

Dogs are more than just cuddly companions — research continues to show that pets bring real health benefits to their owners.

Having a dog around can lead to lower levels of stress for both adults and kids. They’ve been found to decrease the risk of asthma in children and have been linked to lower blood pressure.

And researchers have also shown that dog owners are more active than those who don’t own dogs, packing in more steps per day on their walks or just regular playtime.

I have two dogs. They insist on two walks a day. One in the morning, and one in the afternoon. They don’t take no for an answer.

These daily walks pull me away from my computer and art studio. They reconnect me with fresh air, wildlife and sunshine. While the dogs sniff, frolic and piddle on every bush, I have time to think and daydream. Some of my best ideas and solutions to problems emerge from these dog walks.

I realize not everyone can have a dog. Living arrangements and schedules may rule out pooches. But if you can swing it, dogs are gifts from God. And if you already have a dog, make sure you’re living up to your end of the bargain. Make time for walks, play and back rubs. It’s the least we can do in return for their unconditional love.

Switch Genres

I used to read mostly non-fiction. My wife is the opposite, generally preferring fiction and novels.

I like fiction but used to feel like I should be feeding my mind rather than escaping into stories. Of course, I was totally misguided.

What I learned from my wife, and rediscovered by broadening my reading habits, is that stories are powerful. Stories often get at the truth of things more than statistics, articles and non-fiction books. Stories allow us to escape into other worlds, gain new perspectives, and enrich our lives.

As a writer, I’ve also learned the advantage of reading broadly, outside the typical genres I like. Doing so allows for the collision of new ideas.

For example, next time you hit the magazine aisle in the supermarket, pick up something totally random. If you normally read Men’s Journal, pick up a copy of Magnolia Journal. You know, that successful home improvement couple, Chip and Joanna Gaines? Their magazine is all about inspiration for life and home.

When we step out of the familiar and explore new terrain, we expand our knowledge, perspectives, and insights. Try switching genres. Be it your reading material, music or movies. An open mind and broad curiosity can lead to unexpected breakthroughs and opportunities.

Hone Your Craft

To stand out these days in a crowded sea of competition, you need to create something rare and valuable.Be it in business or the creative arts, status quo won’t get you where you want to go. Copying others you admire probably won’t get you there, either.

It’s okay to find inspiration in the work of others. We all steal little pieces here and there. Everyone has certain influences.

The problem is when we mimic instead of synthesize.

Get inspired by the work of your heroes. Study the ingredients that make them shine. Figure out how to incorporate bits here and there into your own work. But then, dig deeper.

Find the pieces that are entirely your own. This is partly how you rise above the crowd because your work will have some authenticity and originality.

The other half of the equation is all about honing your craft. Putting in the long hours of work. Whether you write, compose music, create art, or build businesses, expertise and brilliance come from hard work. Consistency. Experimentation and effort.

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going. -Beverly Sills

It’s a noisy world, and there are others working hard to stand out. Give yourself an edge by honing your craft.

Before you worry about tweaking your website and hyping your work, make sure the work is top notch. Otherwise, you’re just putting lipstick on a pig, and you won’t get where you want to go.

Embrace Moderation

Sometimes it’s easy to fall into an “all or nothing” mentality. The internet is full of advice and self-help gurus telling us to start this or quit that. Sometimes it’s good advice, other times it’s not.

My Dad often said, “All things in moderation.” He was a chocolate lover but still managed to moderate how much he ate. He cautioned against extremes and found that the sweet spot was often in the middle.

Unfortunately, today’s culture seems to embrace an all or nothing propensity. An article in Psychologytoday.com notes that “our culture valorizes extremes.” The article goes on to state:

You can never be too rich or too thin’ is a persistent message. People are no longer capable of watching just one favorite TV show; they binge on whole seasons at a time, forgoing sleep and other basic needs. If you’re a real-estate junkie, you can gawk at garish celebrity compounds with 21 bathrooms or 100-square-foot ‘micro houses.’ Many have no problem downing a Hardee’s Monster Thickburger (1,300 calories) or a Sonic Peanut Butter and Cookie Dough Dream Master Blast (1,870 calories). An opposing camp includes those who recoil in horror at a teaspoon of added sugar or a gram of gluten. Anything that happens to anyone is ‘Super Awesome!’ Or, ‘The. Worst. Thing. Ever.

If you want to achieve success in life, consider the benefits of adopting an “all things in moderation” philosophy.

Naturally, I’m not talking about destructive or illegal things. Shooting up heroin and stealing, even in moderation, won’t lead to anywhere you want to go. However, most things in life, like exercise and our diets, can benefit from a moderate approach.

You don’t have to live in a gym or only eat vegetables to attain good health. It’s possible to enjoy some leisure time and an occasional candy bar and still become fit.

Don’t get seduced by extremes and all or nothing approaches. Embrace the “all things in moderation” philosophy, and you’ll set yourself on a healthy course for the future.

Quit

All things in moderation is a helpful approach to better living. However, there is an exception to every rule. Sometimes, the best solution is to quit.

Several years ago, I quit drinking soda. I used to love Coke with my lunch but started to develop digestion issues. When I cut out sodas, I eliminated all those empty calories and gastrointestinal issues.

Last year, I eliminated alcoholic and caffeinated beverages from my diet. I quit caffeine because I wanted to focus on better heart health. I quit alcoholic beverages because they caused stomach issues and always demotivated me. One glass of wine often led to three, and then the afternoon was shot.

Last year, I got serious about exercise and hired a personal trainer. I evaluated many of my habits, from what I ate to how I spent my time. I concluded that caffeine and alcohol did not improve my health, quality of life or productivity.

There’s nothing wrong with sodas, caffeinated coffee, and alcoholic beverages when enjoyed in moderation. But for my health, energy, and focus, quitting all three was the right move.

As you dive into the year ahead, do your own self-assessment. Are there habits, addictions or behaviors you should consider quitting? Maybe something you’re just plain tired of doing?

It isn’t always easy, but you can do it. Quitting a bad habit or unhealthy behavior will move you down the playing field much faster, and accelerate those personal touchdowns in your life.

Escape

Tom Hanks fled his deserted island in the movie Castaway. He was surviving there, but he wasn’t living. And life should be more than just getting by. Life is meant to be lived. If there is a song in your heart, find a way to play your music.

Maybe you’re in a dead end job, or an unhealthy relationship. It might take patience, sacrifice, and planning, but it’s entirely possible to escape an unhappy life and find a better one.

Sometimes it requires relocating to a more affordable area, going back to school, getting professional counseling or honing new skills. Every day, people change their lives for the better. They escape the pain and hopelessness. They start a new life.

You have to be smart about it. Particularly if there are people who depend on you, like children. But it’s certainly possible.

One of the things I love about the movie Castaway is the optimism and hopefulness in Tom Hanks’s character. When first stranded on an island, he thought about taking his life. But he didn’t. He survived. He carried on.

We need to do the same. We need to protect our optimism. We need to survive. We need to carry on, until the day when we can live again. Hopefully, the nine strategies listed above will help you become a better you.

In a moving scene in Castaway, Tom Hanks’s character states:

And I know what I have to do, now. And I keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide will bring.

Who knows, indeed.

Before you go

I’m John P. Weiss. I draw cartoons, paint landscapes and write about life. Thank you for reading!

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This post was previously published on Medium.com.

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Artworks by John P. Weiss