Modern dating is a bit like job hunting.
It’s painful initially. But the rewards of love far outweigh potential emotional pain and misery.
As is the case when looking for a new job, it pays to be mindful of your time. For instance, applying aimlessly to positions you are not qualified for will unlikely yield positive results.
The same is true when dating. You get better results when you focus your efforts on those most likely to reciprocate your feelings.
For most of us, the idea of dating and meeting new people is dread-inducing. There is so much that could go wrong: maybe the date will feel awkward and lacking in chemistry. Perhaps the person you meet could end up being a nutcase who does not respect your boundaries.
There are just too many variables that can go wrong.
Dating involves putting ourselves in intimate and vulnerable situations, so having feelings of uneasiness is perfectly understandable.
Be mindful of who you give your time to
A common pain point when dating is feeling you have wasted your time on the wrong person. It doesn’t matter whether you are looking for a long-term commitment or something short and casual. If you entertain people who don’t fit in with what you seek, you are bound to hit a brick wall sooner or later.
I, for one, value my time. It’s a precious commodity that, once wasted, I can never get back.
The time you spend on the wrong person takes away from the time you could be spending on the right one.
Imagine that, your ideal partner could slip away because you are too busy barking up the wrong tree. Therefore, it helps to be discerning with who you give your time to.
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Tips to Maximize Dating Success
When dating, there are three maxims that one should strive for. That is to know thyself, honesty is the best policy and compromise when possible.
Knowing your worth saves time
Having self-knowledge allows you to determine what kind of relationship you want. And, how to set appropriate boundaries with the people you date. It’s from this that you determine your value system, and what is it that you need in a relationship.
Ultimately, the most important relationship you can have is with yourself. If you can’t accept and love yourself, then how can you expect it from others?
Be honest
When you are honest with yourself and others, you can communicate more clearly, with no ambiguity about your expectations and needs. Honesty breeds trust in yourself and your abilities. You cannot have high self-esteem without it.
I cannot stress enough the importance of honesty. When put in practice, it’s the one quality that can do wonders in eliminating dates and relationships that lead to nowhere.
Meet in the middle
Remember, dating is a two-way street. Very few people if any share identical values, interests, and personality traits. When dealing with other people some compromises might be necessary.
Although compromises can be a good thing, some people behave in self-serving ways. It’s up to us to filter out individuals who do not align with our non-negotiable goals and values.
Dating in of itself isn’t complicated. The basic premise is to meet compatible like-minded people who we find attractive and build a mutually beneficial relationship.
Compatibility doesn’t mean sameness, what matters most is that you get along.
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Takeaways
To find success when dating, we all need to define what we seek.
We need knowledge of self, so we have high self-esteem. That way, if things don’t align with what we want, we can have the courage to walk away. But even then, that’s still not enough.
We also need honestly, which is integral to the building and maintenance of any romantic relationship.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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