How to Stop Obsessing Over Someone Who Doesn’t Want You

It makes complete sense to stop obsessing over someone who doesn’t want you. Yet, it’s so hard to do it.

The hope feels too good. It gives you a sense of purpose. It’s certainly more comfortable than accepting this person will never be your partner.

The problem is: this obsession prevents you from finding someone who’ll really love you.

That’s why we must find out if our crush wants us as soon as possible. And if they don’t, we must move on.

Here are some useful steps to help you.

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1. Understand That They’re Not Perfect

When you’re first attracted to someone, your mind releases so much dopamine and serotonin into your system. You feel so good that you trick yourself into believing this person must be so special.

Your fantasies of being with this person fool you the same way.

Since you don’t know them on an intimate level, you put these fantasy qualities onto them.

Understand now that this is an illusion.

Your crush has flaws just like everyone else. They probably pee in the shower and pick their nose when no-one’s looking…

They’re not perfect and you’re a fool for believing they are.

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2. Ask Them Out As Soon As Possible

This person isn’t perfect. You have no idea if they’ll be compatible with you. But it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t find out.

Your best move is to ask out your crush as soon as possible.

A lot of people don’t do this because they’re afraid of a heart-breaking rejection.

They prefer the safety of fantasizing and telling themselves it might happen one day.

But you’re better than that. You deserve real love outside of your imagination. So, grow the balls to make it happen.

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The guide below should help.

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3. Remember You Only Want Someone Who Wants You

If this person agrees to go on a date with you, that’s fantastic.

Follow the remaining tips anyway, as it’s still too early to obsess over them.

But if they don’t want to date you, they’re not the right person for you. Accept that.

The #1 quality you should desire in a partner is that they want to be with you. If they don’t have that quality, why would you want to be with them?

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4. Cut All Contact

Don’t accept their invitations to just be friends. This will deepen your obsession and drain your self-esteem. Their friendship will hurt you more than help you.

Stop following them on social media too. Out of sight, out of mind.

Maybe you can be this person’s friend once you’ve started dating other people. Ideally, the type of friend who introduces their hot friends to you.

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5. Embrace Your Hobbies, Passions And Friendships

I mentioned earlier that crushes give people a sense of purpose.

Indeed, it’s only really those with nothing going on in their lives who develop these deep obsessions.

Crushes give these people something to get excited about. A sense of hope that things might get better if their fantasies come true.

That’s no way to live.

You shouldn’t seek purpose in someone else. Find something that you love to do. Try new hobbies. Build friendships. Make a difference in your community.

When you have things like this to live for, you’ll be less prone to obsessing over people who don’t want you. It’ll also make you more attractive to potential new partners.

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6. Get Out There And Start Meeting New People

A lot of people develop crushes as an excuse not to meet anyone else.

They’ll say they only want this special person, when they’re actually just terrified to put themselves out there in the dating scene.

This is a fear that’s 100% worth getting over. The highs outweigh the lows. And it’s the only realistic way that you’re ever going to find true love.

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7. Build Some Self-Esteem

The tendency to fixate on others and seek external validation has been linked with low self-esteem. Acceptance from others is often the only way many of us can feel good about ourselves.

This isn’t a positive way to go through life and will rarely lead to healthy relationships.

So, put some effort into improving your self-image. Investing time into hobbies and friendships will help with that. But there are several steps you can take to enhance the way you see yourself.

Once you do, you’ll think it’s silly to put any mental energy into someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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