Due to pandemic and restrictions in the social area, 2020 has been ranked as the busiest year of the dating apps era.
However, Tinder brings to my mind space of desperate and longing for love individuals. They swarm with hands stretched out into their air, pleading: “Can somebody here love me?”
No disrespect.
I am guilty of being a seasoned user of the app as well.
I admit the attitude I have created my profile with was drenched with a desperate attempt to find a partner.
Throughout the year, my approach has changed drastically. I went from needing love to sending it out.
I have also lost the need to swipe.
. . .
Don’t chase.
Attract.
What makes you attractive?
Not in terms of a one-night stand, but deep and intimate attraction.
Your physical appearance? Sure. In times of social media, first impression matters. Yet, it does not guarantee a deep connection and a loving partner.
Your bio? Sure. Impressive introduction, few jokes, and the appetite is on the rise.
Those factors are a part of the equation for finding the perfect match. Still, little do they contribute to a meaningful relation, needless to say, the second rendezvous. They may score you the first date. Still, no bio nor appearance can trick your vibes.
If you doubt whether the other person is interested at all, you are giving off the vibration of fear and not-enoughness. The match is going to run away eventually.
Whatever you are chasing, you are repelling on an energetic level. When we state we “want something” we simultaneously imply “not having it”.
Do you think people cannot read into your energy? It is more palpable than it may seem.
Think about it: don’t you feel desperate attempts of your long-time friends trying to squeeze in a meeting with you while you play out all the best tricks to make an excuse? Exactly. The desperation is tangible. People can smell it.
We are even better at denying it.
. . .
Let this one go.
Whatever you feel like lacking, you will magnify the absence of it.
When you enter any relationship out of fear, the same attachment will provide you with loneliness, insecurity or bring out the worst fears about you. Your intention behind the action is your investment and the payout as well.
If you are desperate to find love, any romantic ventures will send you into a deeper pit of misery and discomfort. The person will either not respect you, ghost you, or present you with a toxic bond.
You cannot receive what you already do not have.
Letting go guarantees abundance, magnetism and peace of mind.
Don’t sweat finding the perfect match. First, become confident in your frame as authentic vibes attract your tribe.
There is nothing more powerful than the raw authenticity of your confident self-belief.
. . .
The shaky ground of not-enoughness.
A burning desire can be traced back to the lack of self-worth.
Sorry, Napoleon Hill. I don’t find your idea of a desire appealing nor effective.
The author of the bible: „Think and Grow Rich” pronounces the importance of establishing a burning desire within you to attract the very thing itself. He encourages discovering the untapped potential to act, caused by powerful ambition to make it happen, and righteously so.
However, people tend to confuse desire with lack.
Once they develop a longing, the feeling of not-enoughness flourishes. The belief that we will feel better once we are in the relationship, once we prove our worth through getting that job, prevails.
The only thing we are squandering is our happiness, right this second, the inability to appreciate where we already are on the course of our journey.
You are your most precious investment. When you doubt your worth, how can anyone feel comfortable in your presence?
Once you develop charismatic magnetism strengthened by your genuine self-esteem, you have nailed the attraction formula. There is nothing more powerful and hypnotizing than the raw authenticity of your confident self-belief.
. . .
Perfection is not relatable.
We shouldn’t cross off any dating apps soon. 59% of respondents to a 2015 Pew Research Center survey claim dating apps are “a good way to meet people.”
The catalogue of potential partners is a truly valuable place to learn from. By swiping through characteristics you don’t want, you get to establish your most desirable preferences.
Knowing what you want in a partner is an art only a few have mastered.
Knowing your future partner’s values and embodying them yourself regularly will guarantee the perfect match. And when you become that person you are chasing, finding the partner will no longer hold any appeal on your priorities list.
If it wasn’t for a series of unfulfilling, disappointing relationships, you wouldn’t have discovered a not so “picture-perfect” image of any potential partner. Finally, you are destined to kiss your perfect frog, right?
I used to value external looks. I used to pursue perfection.
The more I tried to chase it, the more mess I have discovered underneath the impeccable suit of appearances.
When your priorities become your sole focus, not in a narcissistic fashion, but loving self-care approach, the right people gravitate towards you.
Your value is not established upon the perfection of the appearance, but experiences you get to coin into your growth.
. . .
Whatever you offer to the world will always flow back into your life.
Once you become it, the Universe has to deliver.
When you realize your worth as the hero of your movie, you get to recognize the greatness in others.
Once you send forgiveness to people who hurt you, unconditional love bounces back into your life. We live in a vibrational karmic world, not ripe with materialistic pretenders.
Once you embody harmony with your thoughts and actions, balance can be traced all around you. Don’t call relentlessly. Don’t linger awaiting the message.
Focus on priority: your self-growth. Develop a passion for life, be picky who you spend your energy on, go on with your life as if you already got the love, the hobby, the job you dream of.
Since you are already whole and complete, there is nothing to worry about, chase or frantically think of.
When it comes to Tinder, leave it on standby. Don’t jump onto your phone first thing in the morning. Give it a rest, take care of your morning routine, spend time on yourself. And with time, you will not be needing Tinder in your life any longer.
Until that time.
Keep calm, and swipe on.
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This post was previously published on Hello, Love.
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