How We Can Use the “Resonance Effect” to Create Deep Emotional Bonds

It was when I was having a sit in a function that I was invited for.

As I was making conversation to yet another person in the lobby, a voice from the back shouted “Sachs!”

I looked around and to my surprise I recognised my classmate from grad school by the name of Akash, whom I hadn’t given a thought would be there. He was across the other corner of the room, grinned at me and lifted his arms up as if he wanted to fly away.

he started moving towards me through the mass of people, opened his large arms and simply embraced me.

While this must have been a pleasant surprise that warranted such enthusiasm, this was classic Akash. As much as I know, He was always the centre of any events. And was always happy to meet everyone which showed in his enthusiasm.

If you could picture a golden retriever man this was him.

Of course, everyone loved him and people appreciated being around him. It was difficult not to as he made you feel like the most interesting individual on the face of the earth.

Whatever it was, be it instinct or mere proactivity which I believe that it was, Akash had stumbled into a psychological model that is very well understood, and they hold great benefits to each of us if only we apply it.

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Researches have been interested in the phenomenon known as the so-called ‘emotional resonance’ or the ‘resonance effect’, for a long time.

Interpersonal neurobiology has established that the processes of coordination of physical and mental waves generate a strong neural connection between the two interacting people due to the focus on the management of emotions. This resonance is one of the most basic components of the dense network of close connections that people form in their lives.

From an evolutionary perspective, the essence of emotional resonance can reasonably be determined. If we engage with other individuals who are in harmony with the emotional rhythm. It evokes feelings of security and togetherness.

Finally, we are not burdened by the psychosocial implications of feeling rejected, unappreciated, or ignored. We don’t feel alone. And we get to spend time with an individual who informs us, maybe even reflects back to us, what is going on inside of our mind.

And we get to spend time with an individual who informs us, maybe even reflects back to us, what is going on inside of our mind.

This is also part of attachment theory (the claim that individuals seek secure connections) which postulates more solid connections with those who are capable of identifying with emotions. But if we have others who can listen to the emotions within us and at the same time, we can listen to their emotions as well, it is such a perfect dance that feels complete. And regretfully, it applies to individuals with poor emotional self-regulation — as they tend to get into relationships that increase their suffering.

But on average, the ability to feel the same as other people is able to tie a strong and stable knot.

The first person that I would like to mention is Terry Crews. If you have watched him in interviews or his activism, he has this way of finding the emotional thread of the conversation, he validates people’s feelings, he shares his own experiences and makes people feel heard.

When couples are asked about what keeps their relationship strong, they often mention three things: affection, companionship, and just being able to talk to their partner and feel that the partner understands them. In essence, it is quite basic.

For instance, in the worst case of relationship I have ever seen the two partners seemed to be in entirely different worlds as far as emotions were concerned. One would show happiness, and the other would show no interest. One would complain, and the other one would divert the topic. I observed them and their relationship deteriorating over time, both of them feeling lonely and not properly understood.

This was a typical example of Emotional dissonance.

It may seem as if this concept is quite simple and even obvious to most of you and it is , but it is not applied as much as it should be. I hope that by having more of you read this and understand how it works, more of you will go out there and improve your relationships.

How to integrate:

First, think about emotional states which you can sense to get the connection. Some of these are, happiness, sorrow, fear, interest, rage, affection, satisfaction.

For instance, when one is contented, it implies that they are showing another person that they are calm through the gestures, the tone of voice, and even the face. You do not twist around or even attempt to alter the atmosphere. You make it clear to them that you are not afraid to sit in that emotional place with them.

Examples of empathy include recognizing the feeling the other person has, affirming it, and then recounting a time when one felt the same way.

Positive emotions also do the job nicely, for example, excitement. That’s somewhat similar to tuning forks, where as soon as one starts ringing, the other one follows just as naturally. This is what I think sharing in someone’s joy entails in social relations. It’s always nice when the topic of the discussion is something that you are interested in but even if it is not, the enthusiasm that you display creates a special connection.

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No, I’m not asking you to become an emotional copy or chamelion of the people you are around.

But just like Akash did when he saw me at that retreat.

Consider each situation very well. One should always consider the need of the individual or person in question. For instance, there are persons who must first be alone in order to express their feelings and then be able to relate with others. It did not mean that the should try to match the emotions in these cases.

Thus, if you have a tendency to avoid close interactions during the times when feelings are expressed, you may need to work on your ability to be open and sensitive, or you may find that you push your partners away.

However, in addition to the mentioned distinctions, every relationship is special and has its own “vocabulary of feelings.” It is always important to learn these aspects and to also respect them at all times.

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To be able to apply this ability one can view it as an inner tuning fork.

Interestingly, the Greek term “pathos” can be related to this — it speaks about the affection, the possibility to touch someone and to make him or her feel the same. However, to approach emotional impact as a technique that can be learned is already a rather sound approach to forming stronger bonds.

ER is an outward manifestation of the subject’s self-reflection, empathy, Engagement and interest in other people. It does not seem like the work is trying to pull at heartstrings or influence the viewers’ feelings.

Sometimes, all one needs to do is be fully aware, and be ready to feel the flows of other people’s emotions.

The most inspiring person I have ever met in my life was a meditation teacher with whom I once trained. He had a lifetime of experience in the feel and it was evident. Every time I told him my story, he seemed to hit it right on the nail, as if he could feel what I was going through.

The fact that he didn’t try to fix me or make me feel worse was really powerful and just made me feel like he really got me and it was okay.

This on its own can go a long way in forming deep bonds with other people.

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Through interactions with individuals from different ethnic backgrounds, it has become apparent to me that the one thing that people across the globe have in common is the desire for affection — a lack of which makes the need for human interaction so essential, regardless of language or cultural differences.

In instances where I have not be able to find a common language with people I had to interact with, simple acts such as miming, moderating the tone of voice, and even gestures have been enough to form close bonds with them.

To be honest, it is often enough to be willing to synchronize with the interlocutor’s emotional state to significantly further the relationship. All of us do not anticipate that others would on a regular basis comprehend what we say or mean. We are all at the base level of having desire to be noticed and appreciated.

Do not forget that emotions are a key to people’s hearts. Share the feelings of those surrounding you and you will be able to build remarkable bonds that will make your life and the lives of the people surrounding you more beautiful.

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I hope you enjoyed reading. This blog post comes from what I’ve learned, what I think, and what I believe. The named used in this blog post are not real.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

What Does Being in Love and Loving Someone Really Mean?

My 9-Year-Old Accidentally Explained Why His Mom Divorced Me

The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex

The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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