I had a sh*tty day.
As mindful and empathetic as I am of everyone having a bad day from time to time — chaotic and unpleasant days are a special kind of hell for healthcare workers. I can’t honestly tell you that I’m going to go for that RN license I talk so much about; I’m only a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) right now, and besides being a mother — it’s the most demanding, most exhausting job I’ve ever had. So, throughout my shift today, while navigating my way through blood, urine, diarrhea, and plenty of tears from my patients, I had the heaviest feeling in my heart that only not knowing where you’re going or what direction to take can bring.
I couldn’t wait to get out of there today. I made sure I left my patients with a smile on their faces (or let them be if they were sleeping), I gave reports to the next shift of CNAs, and sped walked out of there so fast today’s Newspaper flew off the front desk from leaving my job in the dust.
As I sat in my car muttering a mixture of “I don’t know how long I can do this” and “F*ck my life,” I remembered one of my patients bawling on the toilet this morning because her husband had passed away and she’s a mess now too and doesn’t know what she’s going to do. I also remembered her beaming with gratitude as she thanked me for my help, lending an ear and a shoulder to cry on — literally.
My bad day probably wasn’t as bad as I thought it was. I don’t get paid nearly as much as I think I should for doing what I do all day long — but at least I’m answering my heart’s higher calling to help people.
For that, I am grateful.
. . .
There is nothing like a good workout to shake off a sh*tty day.
I ate some protein, slammed an espresso, and made a beeline for my gym. Typically, this part of the day would end with my anxiety significantly lower and those happy hormones buzzing through my body for hours after lifting. However, today was different; today was sh*tty because I joined a new gym and my “intense workout” ended up being: trying not to puke from my crippling social anxiety rather than the epic “Leg Day” I had planned the night before.
I’m not a quitter — but I know when to hang up the (gym) towel and try again tomorrow. I also have an uncanny ability to find humor in the sh*ttiest of things; it’s my strength and weakness.
. . .
I was positive my day couldn’t get any worse until I came home to find a green and white envelope sitting on my keyboard; it was last month’s invoice from my lawyer.
Well, sh*t.
I took a deep breath, exhaled, and ripped open the envelope.
Guys, I can’t believe I made it out of divorce alive. And I wish this was one of those times I found humor in the darker sides of life. Over the last two years, there were many days I felt like I was going to croak from the pain of losing my family and what I thought was going to be my happily ever after. But I’m still here — packing my lunch for work tomorrow and my gym bag for “Leg Day,” take two.
I’m optimistic, tenacious, and thrive (and laugh) in the face of Adversity.
Sh*t Happens.
Who are you on bad days?
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This post was previously published on ILLUMINATION.
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