I Agree With Will Smith: Parents Don’t Understand

I think Will Smith got it right about parents.

He wrote a song in 1988, “Parents Just Don’t Understand,” and my thirteen-year-old son agrees, and so does your son or daughter, and, frankly, so do I.

Parents don’t understand.

Listen to young 20-year-old Will tell it:

“You know parents are the same
No matter time nor place
They don’t understand that we kids
Are going to make some mistakes
So to you, all the kids all across the land
There’s no need to argue
Parents just don’t understand.”

— Will Smith, “Parents Don’t Understand”

Let’s test Will’s theory

Ok, let’s put this to the test, shall we? Think of the last time your child make a mistake and remember what your attitude was like towards their mistake.

Were you understanding of their mistake? Or have a parent overreaction?

I’m thinking of one with my son. He made some brownie cookies. I was the camera guy for his YouTube video, and he put in too much Avocado oil.

His mom called them Avocado brownie cookies.

Now, what do you think was our response to my son’s mistake? Did one or both of us understand his mistake and let him learn the natural consequence?

Did we stay calm or freak out? Did I even notice he poured in too much oil?

Or did we do what Will says and not understand ‘kids make mistakes?’

Eventually, I’ll say one of us helped the other to have Will’s aattitudesare

Listen to Will

Here’s a few more lyrics for Will to illustrate his point:

“I remember one year
My mom took me school shopping
It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my pop, and my little sister
All hopped in the car
We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall
MY mom started bugging with the clothes she chose
I didn’t say anything at first
I just turned up my nose
She said, “What’s wrong? This shirt cost $20”
I said, “Mom, this shirt is plaid with a butterfly collar!”
The next half hour was the same old thing
My mother bought me clothes from 1963
And then she lost her mind and did the ultimate
I asked her for Adidas and she bought me Zips!
I said, “Mom, what are you doing, you’re ruining my rep”
She said, “You’re only sixteen, you don’t have a rep yet.”

— Will Smith, “Parents Don’t Understand”

One more test

Ready for another test? You’re shopping with your son or daughter — how similar or different is your attitude to Will’s mom in the song as you shop?

Your son sees a $132 T-Shirt at Macy’s. This is a true story a friend of mine. He saved money for this shirt and she explained to him that he could $15 at Ross.

Are you going to let your son buy that T-Shirt even after you make your point?

My friend allowed her fifteen-year-old son to buy the T-shirt, and a few years later, her son told her, “Why did you let me buy that shirt?”

I forget what she said, but it’s obvious she lets learn a valuable lesson.

A few more litmus tests

How about food? Do you allow your child to not like certain foods or do you force them to eat the broccoli to have brownies?

As they get older does your child get a say in what time they go to bed?

What if you child doesn’t want to go to church? Do you require them to go?

Can they watch a tv show that pushes the edge of appropriateness? My son started watching The Simpsons recently, and I had to ask myself this question and I thought, “You know what? I can hold him back from grown-up issues.”

That’s really what The Simpsons is about. It’s a wonderful satire, and it makes fun of adults and kid in our society. My son and talk about some of plot events and, yes, some content may be past PG-13 level, but he won’t be 13 forever.

And I think it shows I understand him by letting him expand his tv selection.

I think at some point parents have to realize a kid is going to be who they want to be no matter what … parents do their best to impart our values, but when push comes to shove, all kids have learn to be who they are going to be.

And that’s how it should be. I think the young and old Will would agree.

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This post was previously published on Medium.

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