How I Cut Off Contact With My Husband
I never thought I would cut off contact with my husband. Since we started dating fifteen years ago, we’ve been connected on social media. I was excited when I got his Facebook friend request, only months after Facebook opened to everyone with or without an edu email. Our messenger conversations could fill books, and we’ve always been the first to like or comment on each other’s posts.
And then, four months ago, less than a week before Christmas, my husband abandoned me.
In the intervening months, our contact has been extremely limited, restricted to divorce matters. He has tried to contact me through text a few times, but I haven’t responded, preferring to keep all communication through email in case I need to preserve any of it for evidence later on. Email also seems better because it forces you to think longer about what you want to say which is always a good idea in a contentious situation.
Pulling the Plug
I contemplated blocking him much earlier, but couldn’t bring myself to do it. I wasn’t ready to sever these digital-age ties with someone who had been my whole life for the past decade and a half. We had so many memories together, so many inside jokes. So many of our most special moments were captured in pictures that (as far as I know) only exist on Facebook now. I had already lost my husband physically, already lost his love too, but I wasn’t ready to accept that I had to lose the picture-perfect memories I had as well. I wasn’t ready to cut off contact with my husband.
And then my husband changed his profile picture.
He looked so different. Long, Duck Dynasty-style beard, aggressively receding hairline, a smirk that made me angry and sick to my stomach, and a new t-shirt that read “Policy and Change, not Thoughts and Prayers” like he is some kind of hero. (How about actually holding a rally, or campaigning to get legislation changed?)
All his family had to heart the picture, friends we had in common had to tell him how good he looked. To one he responded, “Thank you, I feel good,” driving the knife into my barely still beating heart even further.
I couldn’t stop checking his profile for updates. There weren’t any, but I could not stop looking. I was making myself miserable over a man who had already wrecked my life and caused serious damage to my mental health.
I knew what I had to do, and while sitting in my bed crying one night, I finally worked up the courage to do it. I was ready to cut off contact with my husband.
I unfriended my husband on Facebook. I restricted him on Instagram.
The Relief I Felt Was Surprising
As soon as I pulled the plug, I felt this powerful sense of relief wash over me. I had a picture of myself standing on a bridge, dropping a stone into the water, and walking away. Strange, because I’m not normally that visual of a person (typical writer), but this image just popped into my mind.
A huge weight lighted off my shoulders. No more obsessing over my husband and the inevitable pictures of his great new life and affair partner. No more visual reminders of the man that abandoned, sexually coerced me when I wouldn’t agree to an open marriage, and manipulated me.
Blocking him had the added benefit of disabling him from seeing any posts I chose to make. I could post about how hard my life has been since the abandonment without him denying what he did or trying to claim that I drove him to it. (He did that in his response to my declaration in the temporary orders hearing. The judge did not believe him).
I feel like I’ve gotten a small piece of my life back since I cut off contact with my husband. Removing him from my social media has made me feel like an individual again. Who knew blocking your husband on social media could be a form of self-care?
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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