Two-time Academy Award Winner, Actor, Writer, and Director Ben Affleck was a guest on New Heights hosted by retired Philadelphia Eagles Center Jason Kelce and Kansas City Chiefs Tightend Travis Kelce. They discussed how to figure out those who continue to grow and develop. Brothers Jason Kelce and Travis Kelce will both be in the NFL Hall of Fame. Ben, Jason, and Travis are all great in what they do. They have greatness. Greatness recognizes greatness.
Jason Kelce said, “Every great player that I know is the right amount of insecure.” He said the great ones all have confidence in themselves, knowing they can be better, and put in the work required. Jason, Ben, and Travis all agreed.
Ben Affleck defined the key element as, “I believe I can get there, even though it’s really hard.” Amen.
I’m not on the level of greatness of Ben Affleck, Jason Kelce, or Travis Kelce. Although I’ve worked to be as great as I can be. In over 35 years of training in Aikido, I’m Godan (5th degree black belt). I have and had great Sensei’s, the late Mizukami Sensei, Cognard Hanshi, and Ishibashi Sensei. They helped and inspire me to be the greatest that I can be.
I believed I could get there, even though it was really hard. That was all on me. I had to put my head down. Put in the work. The late Mizukami Sensei said, “Just train.” I didn’t have to get somewhere or be someone else. For the first time in my life, I was safe being me. I was good enough. Sensei taught me that I can always be better, always improve. I continue to grow and develop not only in Aikido, but as a good man.
That’s far removed from scared 8-year-old Jon, who was so afraid of Dad, who feared inside that I’m not good enough. I feared inside that I never would be. In the First Noble Truth of Buddhism, there will always be suffering in life. The Second Noble Truth of Buddhism is the source of suffering. My childhood trauma and depression was my source of suffering. That was the past. I can’t do anything about the past. Lady MacBeth said, “What’s done cannot be undone.”
The Fourth Noble Truth of Buddhism is the path to end suffering. On my path to end suffering, I trained in Aikido with the late Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei, and I worked with my therapist Lance Miller.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” Sensei said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” When the bigger stronger man attacks, I wait it out. I enter the attack and take a glancing blow if I have to. It’s one time.
In the danger, under the attack, I hold my position. I make my timing. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. My feeling is out, from my strength inside me, from my one point, ki. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough over, and over, over again. I’m quiet inside. I’m free. I can get there, even though it’s really hard.
I work with Lance to heal my childhood trauma and depression. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father, for being afraid inside too, and for being imperfectly human. I forgive myself for not being strong enough as a little boy to stand up to Dad and protect Mom. I forgive myself for being imperfectly human, too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I can get there, even though it’s really hard.
Several years ago, I got my head out of my ass and listened to Lance. I started online dating on Match dotcom. I figured it out that I’m not what women want. I’m 5’ 3”. I’m not handsome. I’m not exactly rich. I send out messages to women I would like to meet. I don’t get many replies, if at all. Still, I can get there, even though it’s really hard.
Women have dismissed or used me, because of the way I look, because I’m not good enough. I have nothing to do with what goes on inside them. I have a say in what goes on inside me. I work on myself, not on others. I’m the best man I can be. That’s all I can do. I can get there, even though it’s really hard.
In Sunday Aikido practice, I worked with Ishibashi Sensei on ryu-katate iriminage (clothesline technique to the attacker’s head from two handed wrist grab). Sensei reminded me that I keep my hands away from my body, keep my feeling out. What the late Mizukami Sensei taught both of us.
When I turn with the attacker grabbing me, I don’t oppose the attack. There is no fight. Sensei said, “Walk forward.” I got it. Finally. For years, Mizukami Sensei said, “Don’t walk backward.” Now, it was clear in my mind and body. Ishibashi Sensei said, “Keep both hands in front with your feeling out.” I can only move forward when my feeling is out. Although that took about 20 years for the light to go on, it went on. I got there, even though it was really hard. It was about the journey. Yeah, it always is.
After practice, I told Sensei that I finally got, “Walk forward.” Don’t walk backwards didn’t always make sense to me. Sensei smiled and said, “That’s from Mizukami Sensei.” I smiled, too. I’m forever grateful to Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei, who continue to make a difference in my life, make me the greater man.
I have a good idea of who I am and who I’m not. I can always be greater. I can get there, even though it’s really hard. I walk forward. Keep moving forward, like life.
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Photo: iStock
