I Don’t Believe You Hate People

I hear so many guys talk about how they “hate” people. I’ve encountered a good number of men that claim most of their fellow human beings are morons.

Generally, my reaction to such pronouncements is, “I don’t believe you.”

I’m instantly skeptical of misanthropy because many men have been socialized to default to this adversarial worldview. I’m not just talking about our unfortunately misguided brothers brainwashed by the Cult of Machismo. The learned misanthropy I’m referencing is a common thread between those who self-identify as “Chad” alpha males and the most socially awkward of us.

Yes, our brethren who lean hard into the “bitter nerd” stereotype—who claim to thrive on the belief that intelligence always goes hand-in-hand with cynicism—can also be duped into looking down on other people. As a card-carrying nerd myself, I know the predilection for misanthropy can come from the emotional pain of being bullied. I’ve been there, brothers.

Some of us become misanthropes because we’ve been taught to mistrust and belittle others, thanks to ideologies that provide artificial certainty through scapegoating. Some of us learn it from being harassed and abused by other human beings. While the latter is understandable, holding a lifelong grudge against the many because of the actions of a few is a recipe for unending misery.

So yeah, guys, I’m calling bullshit. Because I see your actions very often belie your grandiose declarations of universal disdain for people. For all your complaints, I’ve seen so many of you get right into cooperation mode when circumstances called for it. Sure, very often your collaboration with others is begrudging, and all the while you gripe about the ineptitude and inadequacies of those around you. In the end, you are just as willing as the rest of us to team up with others, especially in the face of challenging moments and crises.

Misanthropy Is the Matrix

It’s okay to admit you don’t think people are as bad as you claim to believe. Embrace that spark of philia within you, even if it’s just a tiny ember.

Look, I’m not saying other people can’t suck. I’ve acknowledged before that people are a challenge. Yeah, that can be a massive understatement. Sometimes, our behaviors can be downright disgusting. But is it logical to judge our entire species based on just the worst of us? I don’t think so, and I don’t believe you think so, either.

You’re playing life on easy mode if you dismiss other human beings by default. Trying to be the proverbial island is the pathway to all the horrible outcomes of isolation. What’s even more tragic is that it’s often self-imposed isolation, thanks to garbage social programming the majority of us get from other men trying to make us “tough” and “self-reliant.” The bitter irony is, so much research is showing us that building connections with other human beings is the real road to personal resilience.

We’ve let ourselves be lulled into an illusory world thanks to the comforts and convenience of the modern age. It’s easier than ever to believe you’re naturally self-sufficient when you have Amazon delivering everything to your door and the Internet giving you a digital access to the world. But what do you do when natural disasters or civil unrest occur? What do you do when the power goes out? Will Jeff Bezos and your web browser come to your rescue?

Bottom line: forget about the red pill the MGTOWs and MRAs try to sell you. The Matrix you really need to escape is misanthropy.

Be Cautious and Open

I’d never tell you to force yourself to hang out with people with which you don’t get along. But you should actively work to grow your successful relationships. Lean into the connections you have that feel easy and natural, and continue to cultivate them.

For everyone else you encounter, feel free to approach them cautiously but with an open mind. Don’t instantly hold their paradoxical human nature against them. Hopefully, they will give you the same kindness. But if not, just move on. Remember, they might be experiencing the “hard battle of life,” to paraphrase the old saying.

While it’s a good idea to be ready to protect yourself physically and emotionally in life, don’t be so strict that you let your life devolve into a constant warzone. Believe in the best, and be ready to respond to the worst.

Work to resist the call of your mirror neurons when they demand you reflect the negative behaviors of others. You won’t always be successful, for sure. But you can strive to set the better example. It’s up to others if they follow your lead or not. Not everyone will return the favor of your kindness, but some will. The latter group makes your efforts at egalitarianism worthwhile.

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