I Stopped Caring Too Much & It Changed My Relationship Tremendously

So, you like this person a lot. In your head, it only makes sense to do whatever you can to keep the relationship together.

But, you also knew deep down you put more than you should have.

You neglect your own needs and let this whole relationship thing consume you — day in and day out.

It’s crazy. No wonder you feel overwhelmed and always depressed.

The question is, whose fault is it? Or does it matter who’s right or wrong here? Love is all about compromise right and who knows how much you should and shouldn’t do right?

Just like anything else in life — too much of anything can kill you. The same thing goes with caring too much in your relationship.

I used to care way too much about my relationship. Some days I still do. But I’m better at catching it earlier now and redirecting the focus back on me.

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The definition of caring too much

What’s considered too much?

For me personally, it’s the moment when you start losing yourself. It’s when you become so desperate that if you think you can’t make it work, you’re a failure.

Without you knowing it, you put so much pressure on yourself. You feel like it’s on you whether it’s going to work out or not but the truth is, it’s never one person’s job.

So if you think you’ve taken too much than what you could handle, something’s wrong and you need to hit that pause button asap.

A simple example of caring too much in your relationship is usually when you try too hard to put yourself in your partner’s shoes all the time.

When they feel bad about something or feel pessimistic, you feel like it’s your job to make them feel good again.

It’s great that you have the ability to understand your partner’s perspective on anything but it’s also important to remember that just because you understand how they feel, doesn’t mean you have to make their pain yours too.

Both parties are fully responsible for their own emotions and although it’s hard to do because they’re the love of your life, you still need to create boundaries when it comes to this. Otherwise, you’re the one who’s getting burnout.

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The ugly truth about losing yourself in a relationship

Most people who lost themselves in a relationship started it all by caring too much. They’re lack boundaries and too blind to see it when their partner crossed the line.

Someone who genuinely loves you won’t be so selfish thinking it’s all about them (and their problems only).

Your partner will willingly do their best to put themselves in your shoes just as much as you do it for them.

That’s called balance.

Even the things you compromise in a relationship should have a limit. I know we all love the concept of unconditional love but most people mistakenly see it as giving everything they have all the freaking time.

When they’re finally left empty, they start wondering why their partner doesn’t appreciate their effort. That’s how you get taken advantage of.

I’ve been there many times in my early 20s where I’d do anything to keep the relationship “stable”. I never truly said what I needed from my partner because I was too scared it’d push him away.

Now I could care less about it because not communicating my needs properly is what’s going to kill the relationship anyway.

Tina Gilbertson, LPC, on Psychology Today confirmed this by stating that:

“If your partner does something that bothers or confuses you, don’t play the role of The Perfect Partner Who Never Complains. Speak up; ask questions. You’re a full partner, not an employee or a fan.

If your relationship’s success is based on how well you pretend not to be upset by anything your partner does, it’s not much of a relationship.”

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