I Went Back to the Office Voluntarily, and I Liked It

Well, isn’t this the epitome of an unpopular opinion?

The catalyst

On Tuesday morning, I had an early appointment with my therapist. I was in profound suicidal ideation.

She said, “why don’t you go to the office?” in hopes the novelty of stepping foot in the office after 19 months could help me take the strange idea of suicide out of my mind.

I then realized it was the first week we were allowed to return to the office voluntarily and that I could make it in time for my first meeting of the day. Since I usually have to do the opposite of what I want to do to feel better, I changed my sweatpants, t-shirt, and slippers for a new blazer — that fit me — along with a shirt, jeans, and flats.

Then I had to look for my backpack and figure out what I would need to be in the office again. I was all over the place, but I got there in time.

I didn’t understand what I was feeling, but it was a lot better than what I had been feeling that week so far. Later on, I realized I was excited to be there. I felt the same way I used to feel when I was a girl going back to school for the first day of the semester.

Spaces dictate behaviors

I got into my building, found my new desk, and sat down. There was another person in my area at first. I had met her only on Teams, so it was nice meeting her in person. Eventually, I saw the head of my department and said hi enthusiastically. She’s a lovely person, so it was nice to see her.

In my core Teams channel, I added a picture of my desk to a thread a coworker had started when she went to the office the day before. I asked her to join me for lunch, and to my surprise, she said yes! I was so happy to know that I would catch up with her.

The company is offering free lunch for this period, so that’s a good motivation for someone like me. When my coworker arrived, we went over to the cafeteria and grabbed lunch. We sat down for a bit. It was lovely because she’s a great person, so it was a great chance to keep nurturing that relationship. We had an authentic conversation, something that’s been hard to do in Teams. IT is the modern-day panopticon, and that’s common knowledge.

Lay of the land

My desk was bare; the stuff I left behind was not there, and I’m not even sure I’ll see it again, to be honest. The company had sent communication relatively early in the pandemic about putting all our belongings in storage and taking the time to wrap up renovations in some buildings, which meant we wouldn’t come back to the same desk we had when we left. They moved our department to a different floor in the same building, but they’ve been assigned to various facilities altogether for other departments.

Every desk had a large hand sanitizer bottle and disinfectant wipes. Tissues would have been good to have. The proximity of each desk is not different from how it used to be for some groups that had moved from cubicles to more open and condensed spaces, so that’s something to keep in mind when we are required to return to a hybrid model.

Our company is proposing to go to the office for three days and work remotely for two days. I’m not sure that’s ideal. Employees can interpret it as being too prescriptive, and maybe that’s part of the reason why I enjoyed being there. No one forced me to be there; I chose to go. I’m not sure I’ll have the same mindset when the voluntary period ends and the mandatory one begins.

Double whammy

I ended up going a second day during the week because we had an outdoor team-building activity in the afternoon, so to my surprise, I decided to go to the office in the morning. Several people from my department were there since they did the same thing. That was even more exciting!

Seeing people I’ve never met in person for the first time, when we’ve worked together remotely for so long, was surreal. Some people were taller than I expected; others were shorter. Their presence sometimes was so different from what I saw remotely. It was fascinating to see.

Looking ahead

I’ll be going to the office at least one day next week because I’m meeting someone in person for an initiative outside of the regular work I’m doing. She has a high position in the company, and the little I know about her is truly inspiring. Like me, she’s a woman of color, so I’m eager to connect and learn from her.

Moving forward, I’ll leverage the opportunity to go to an office setting for meaningful interactions. Since there won’t likely be many people there, I’ll probably get work done since open spaces are terrible for concentrating. I would always be in a conference room pre-pandemic.

Another thing I want to explore is shifts. How flexible can we be with those? We know that many commuters discovered their quality of life improved with the pandemic, and that’s something they don’t want to go through again if they don’t have to. Maybe we should also be thinking about more flexible shifts. Perhaps it can look like being in the office for a reduced period and logging on remotely for the remainder of the day – or not.

That is, of course, a consequence of the way we measure work. A lot of employees don’t need to work 40-hour weeks to deliver their workload. Some people can do it in a fraction of the time if only we didn’t have so many unnecessary meetings and other distractions that don’t bring a lot of value in general.

I know how it sounds. If my coworkers read this, I’m sure many of them would confirm I’m an alien. I don’t recognize myself. I’m an introvert that has thrived during the pandemic because of remote work. However, I realize that I can’t unlearn what I know now about myself and how we can work through very chaotic circumstances and make a kickass strawberry lemonade from bitter lemons.

My recommendation

I never thought I would be the person who would suggest that anyone try going to the office voluntarily at least once, but I am.

It’s a matter of personal circumstances, but in my case, I think that going to the office on and off would benefit me more nowadays. For me, it might be part of my toolbox for coping ahead as it’s getting colder, the days are shorter, and the nights are way too long.

Give it a chance. Who knows how it might work for you?

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Previously Published on medium

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