Identifying the Difference Between True Love, and Attachment

You may have the wrong idea as to what love is.

A common mistake is to mix attachment with love.

Often it’s only once we feel real love that, that we realize that we were mistaking attachment, for love, the whole time.

What this means is that many people unfortunately currently have a misconception about love.

One way to identify what love truly is first to identify what it is not.

Let’s get started.

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First, go through this exercise.

Go over what love isn’t in your head. See if you have anything to add.

Love is not pain or fear, that’s a given.

Love does not make you antisocial or closed off and does not make you remain in solitude.

Love does not make you scared, hopeless, or sad.

Love does not hurt you (despite what some songs say). Love does not make you give up on your goals, or sacrifice your aspirations.

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There is a big difference between control and love.

A lot of us have been in this situation. A “loved one” tells you, if you loved them, you would not do this, or you would do this.

That is not love.

This person lacks love for themself. They have insecurities and lack confidence or hope in themselves, and this leads them to try and gain control over others.

Love gives freedom, hope, and compassion. Love is warm and secure.

Many people believe that when you love, you can only love one person. However, love does not only flow in one direction. It’s also important to realize there are various forms of love.

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What are these different forms of love?

You can love a partner, a sibling, a parent, or a child and most importantly you can love yourself.

Each of these forms of love will feel different, with one exception.

The love you have for yourself should carry over to each person.

Love starts from your heart. Love starts with you.

In order to love others fully and in a healthy manner, you must first love yourself. That love will translate to each person you come across.

When you love yourself, you will realize that each of us is not so different after all. When you begin to love each individual the same way you love yourself, your whole life will change.

We all want to be loved for who we are. Part of loving yourself is accepting yourself, your true self.

You become more accepting of who others are.

Your love for yourself, your understanding and empathy for yourself, will start to spread for others.

This love can be contagious.

When you truly love yourself, others start to seem happier, and more pleasant to be around. This is because your presence has changed. You’ve become comforting and warm to be around.

Your love is spreading to others.

When you finally begin to truly love yourself, that’s when you start to see the “love” you had before, may not have been true.

When you love yourself before eating, continuing bad habits, and harming yourself, you will ask:

“Is this something someone who loves themselves would do? “

When you know the answer to that question, you will know if the love for yourself is real.

Someone who loves themselves wouldn’t become antisocial. They would allow themselves to talk to friends, family, and those close to them.

Someone who loves themselves wouldn’t be cold, rude, or controlling. They would want to be free, fun to be around, and kind to themselves, and others.

Love is selfless, positive, and flows. Love is not attachment. Love is not addiction.

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How does attachment happen?

Attachment can happen when spending time with someone consistently or frequently. You start to create a habit, or routine that involves the person.

Now, you being to rely on this person to continue your day-to-day function. This person becomes almost like a drug to you. You need them.

This is not love.

When you become attached you feel like you need to keep this person around, no matter how they treat you, or how you treat them.

You start to forget how you make each other feel because you are relying on this person to feel normal.

This is not love.

Attachment makes you weaker, dependent, and less like yourself.

Love makes you stronger, and happier, and brings out your best self.

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Conclusion

It’s okay to make this mistake and to be fair, most of us make this mistake at one point in our lives. Often more than once.

The most important thing is to focus on loving yourself and then you will be able to better identify when you are in love and be able to feel the difference.

Take the time to write down what someone who loves themselves would do.

Take the time to love yourself, spend time with yourself, and allow growth.

When you do this, love will come evident, easier, and come more naturally.

We hope you found this helpful.

We love you!

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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