Honestly, high emotional intelligence is a superpower.
I don’t care how attractive, funny, or clever someone is — if they lack emotional intelligence it’s a deal-breaker for me.
We’re emotional creatures, which means that our emotions influence every single decision we make, every single action we take. If someone can’t recognize, understand, and regulate their emotions, problems are bound to arise in their relationships.
As Oscar Wilde once wrote,
“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.”
It’s important to mention that there’s no one-fits-all definition of emotional intelligence and that there can be numerous indicators that someone has high emotional intelligence.
However, the five traits mentioned below are among the most common ones people with high EI share; plus, they are all simple signs that you can secretly notice every day and use them to assess whether your partner (or a person you’re interested in) has an abundance of emotional intelligence.
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#1. They Know That Silence Is Golden
I have never regretted my silence. As for my speech, I have regretted it over and over again.— Umar
Some people simply don’t know how to keep their mouths shut.
They talk when they should be listening. They always want to have the last word. They’re full of inconsequential, mindless chatter.
And do you know what all of these things hint at?
Low emotional intelligence.
Thank the universe for the people with high EI at the other end of the spectrum, who know that silence is golden. Those who think before they speak, pause to listen and choose carefully between stepping into an argument and remaining silent.
Sometimes silence is necessary and at the same time speaks volumes about a person’s character. And sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is nothing at all.
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#2. When Life Gives Them Lemons, They Make a Lemon Pie
“Life keeps throwing me stones. And I keep finding the diamonds.” — Ana Claudia Antunes.
When life decides to throw a bunch of lemons at you, one of the hallmarks of high emotional intelligence is the ability to minimize your ego, look at life objectively and react maturely to any changed circumstances.
I’ve witnessed firsthand the extent to which the inability to handle a personal crisis can damage a relationship — it can get pretty ugly.
Admittedly, when your partner goes through stressful, emotional, and shitty situations you’re supposed to stand by them; that is if they don’t refuse your help, put up a wall, and put your relationship on hold — which are typical reactions of someone with low emotional intelligence.
Instead of constant complaining, whining, and taking out their frustration on you, a partner with high EI will accept things as they are and respond thoughtfully to the challenges and hurdles they’ll encounter, by turning the lemons life throws at them into a big lemon pie.
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#3. They Have Mastered the Art of Being Zen
“All that we are, is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think, we become.” ― Buddha
Everyone knows that all relationships have their ups and downs and high EI partners don’t let themselves drown in minor unpleasant incidents that might occasionally occur within their relationship.
They remain calm.
Low-EI partners often take it personally if their significant other calls them out on something, start feeling overwhelmingly insecure after noticing a slight change in their partner’s behavior and even start second-guessing their relationship if they encounter minor conflicts.
High-EI people, however?
They have a “bigger picture” way of thinking and are masters of remaining zen, which means that they won’t stress over unimportant things or start questioning their relationship after a date gone wrong, a minor agreement, or a fight between them and their partner.
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#4. They Hate Beating Around the Bush
“When you truly love someone, be straightforward, open, and fair, do not look towards any other option; if you do, it means you do not know the real love.” — Ehsan Sehgal
A tell-tale sign of high emotional intelligence is the ability to be open about your feelings and confident in expressing them.
Most people feel awkward when they have to express their feelings to their partner and often shy away from difficult conversations.
You know how the story goes: you can see your partner is upset about something and you ask them what’s going on. You want them to get to the point straight-away but instead, they start beating around the bush and avoid mentioning what’s really been bothering them.
Annoying.
Partners with high EI are honest and open about their feelings, don’t sugarcoat the truth, and aren’t afraid to tell you what they really think/how they really feel.
They communicate assertively and are able to address their concerns, worries, and needs, in a calm, yet straightforward way.
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#5. They Can Read Your Emotions
“Learning to stand in somebody else’s shoes, to see through their eyes, that’s how peace begins. And it’s up to you to make that happen. Empathy is a quality of character that can change the world.” — Barack Obama
Emotionally intelligent individuals are able to read other people’s emotions, which is a skill generally linked with empathy.
If you have a partner with high emotional intelligence you might have noticed how easily they recognize when you’re sad, upset, or angry, or how effortlessly they can read between the lines.
They might have a habit of putting themselves in your shoes so that they relate to your feelings, understand completely how you feel and give you what you need.
One of our basic needs in relationships is to feel seen and understood —a need that can be easily met by a partner with high emotional intelligence.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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