I’m Going to Start Calling Trad Wives “Chad Wives”

I’ve had it! I’m just over every single bit of this timeline. I’m done with people pretending that the everyday news is normal instead of deeply unhinged. I’m tired of being surrounded by people telling the wannabe-Emperor that they really like his new clothes while he stands there with his tiny dick out.

If this is the new normal, I’d like to Opt Out. I’m not interested in nodding my head along with whatever absolutely mad thing that Mango Musselini is spouting now. Everyone who ever uttered the words “Crazy Joe” can go suck a lemon.

But I’ve also decided to embrace a different framework for future behavior.

A Better Response to This New “Normal”

I don’t agree with what’s happening in the U.S. of A., and I certainly haven’t cosigned on anything this administration has done … ever. It’s giving zero stars. However, I have developed a creative response to this new version of reality I’m experiencing.

I’m calling “Trad Wives” “Chad Wives.”

If they want to be pick-me-girls playing Girl Friday for the patriarchy, so be it. But I’m going to call it like I see it. Their fake trad wife lives notwithstanding, I’m going to name it what it really is. It’s not a return to traditional values. They’re just being Chad Wives.

Sorry to any decent Chads out there, but you know what I mean. He’s the dude bro who is either actively participating in “locker room talk” or is laughing along with it. He believes women should take care of the household and children, even if they work full-time, and he thinks he’s the leader of the house and its finances. He doesn’t respect women, and it’s easy to tell if you look at his history with his mother, past exes, and any other female who wouldn’t play by his rules.

And Chad Wives? They are the worst! It’s not just the gross and inflated plastic surgery faces and bleach-blonde hair; it’s this holier-than-thou attitude paired with toxic positivity. They want to carry water for the patriarchy, and that’s their prerogative, but those conservative men who gave them Wifey status would happily take away their right to choose anything at all. They can call themselves Trad Wives, but we see what’s up.

Me to Conservatives: “Quiet, Piggy!”

If the President of the United States can speak this way to people, clearly it’s okay. Right? Because so many people were deathly silent when he spoke this way to a journalist. Not only was this statement clearly offensive to the beloved icon Miss Piggy, but it showed the toxic underlying misogyny in every word out of that lying liar’s mouth.

But that’s okay. I’m okay. I’m just going to stop conservative rhetoric in its tracks with a harshly issued, “Quiet, Piggy!” I will keep talking like they didn’t speak, and should they act like this is rude behavior, I might have a question or two about why it’s okay for the President but not for me. Double standards much?

It’s like the time I said the “P” word in front of my parents. You know which one. If he can grab them by that word, I can use it in casual conversation. While I’m not usually an aggressive or even passive-aggressive person, I strongly feel we should be challenging these double standards in every single way we can. (No offense intended to the real Miss Piggy!)

You Made Your Bed, and Someone Peed In It

This is the timeline conservatives voted into being without any regard for the rights of women, children, minorities, or the environment. They steamrolled forward, clutching their Bibles and doing everything in their power to have Jesus rolling over in his grave, were he to still occupy one. They’ve made this bed, and it stinks.

How mad can they get that I use their fearful leader’s words when they won’t object to his use of them? I’m so tired of the hypocrisy, but what I’m even more tired of is seeing people I once respected sink to these levels of depravity. They’ll excuse anything if it means they can push a harmful fundamentalist agenda.

And all of this — every single bit of insane breaking news — is just one big distraction from the biggest child and women trafficking ring out there: The Epstein (Trumpstein) files. I never thought I’d see the day when the conservatives and religious voters would endorse and excuse a convicted felon, convicted rapist, and accused pedophile.

It only goes to show that we live in alignment with our values, or we’re just big ol’ hypocrites trying to control the world we live in rather than accepting, embracing, or even dealing with differences. I’m not here for it. But since I can’t exactly hop to some future timeline that just might be more equitable than this one, I’ll do this: I’m going to call all those anti-feminist women Chad Wives, I’m going to “oink” at conservatives and rudely interrupt them like their leader is so prone to doing, and I’m going to keep pointing out each and every instance of hyprocricy just like Jesus himself would do if he were here observing these shenanigans.

Anyway, Happy Easter to all who celebrate, except for everyone who voted for this.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.