Matt Crowder knows that while patience is key in dating, waiting for “Ms. Right” can quickly turn to complacency.
Lately, I’ve felt a bit like Austin Powers. Like I lost my mojo. Whether it was because of work or everyday life getting the best of me, the result is still the same. Something’s wearing me down. I’ve looked hard to figure it out, and this weekend it occurred to me: I’m lonely. I have friends and the people I work with, but I have this feeling like I’m missing that one piece of the puzzle that will finish things. Companionship.
Last weekend my daughter Amarah had the opportunity to go to New York City with her Mom and Stepdad. I thought this was a great idea for her, she loved it there last time and the weather is getting better. I also saw it as an opportunity to get out and experience some of the local nightlife on a weekend for a change. What ended up happening was me sitting on the couch with my dogs and playing video games on the computer with my brothers. Somewhere along the line I lost my motivation to go out. My mojo is gone.
As I went about the regular tasks of dishes, laundry, and cleaning, the feeling of what was missing became acute. I didn’t have anyone to share those seemingly menial everyday tasks anymore. There wasn’t a wife or girlfriend there to talk to and joke with while we went about marking things off of our to-do list. In the almost two years since my ex-wife and I separated, and the nine months since my last true relationship, I’ve simply missed having someone there with me.
These thoughts led me down the rabbit hole of memories of what it was like pushing a grocery cart around the store or cooking dinner with someone. My absolute favorite part of being in a relationship is relaxing on the couch and talking about our day while we watch something on tv.
I woke up this morning determined to make a change. I need to be proactive in finding that special woman. But how am I supposed to do that? I’m not into the bar scene (even though I met my ex-wife at one.) I don’t have an abundance of friends that could set me up with someone because all of them are married and move around in the same circle. I can’t ask my exes if they know anyone because, well, that would just be awkward. And I don’t want to be the creepy guy asking a pretty girl at a store for her number. Then it hit me, Online Dating.
It used to be that dating online was seen as a sign of desperation. Over time though this has become more commonplace and more accepted. One of the sites has the catchline that “1 in 5 marriages starts online”. When you think about it that’s a pretty staggering number.
Online dating to me is something akin to reading the dust cover of a book before you buy it. There are pictures and description of the other person which I like, it takes some of the guess work out of the situation. You have at your disposal enough information to at tell you whether or not you want to move along or dig deeper and strike up a conversation. This is a bonus for me because given my painfully shy nature, the first contact with a woman can be awkward and sometimes terrifying. It’s great to get that first contact out of the way while I am sitting in the comfort of my own home instead of when I stand up to pull her chair out at the restaurant.
There are pitfalls to it that I’m trying to keep in mind. Given past experience, the person in the picture may not actually be the person you are talking to. Or it is that person, it’s a picture of them from 10 years and 50 pounds ago. Before the wave of outrage at my being superficial begins to swell, let me just say that while physical attraction is important to me, the matter of someone being honest is much more important. If a person can’t be honest about how they look today, what else are they going to hide?
The same goes for guys who put up pictures of themselves when they had a full head of hair and a six pack knowing full well they are getting a little thin on top and that their six pack is looking more along the lines of a party ball.
So here I am, a nice, decent looking guy who likes to cuddle but doesn’t have anyone to share that with. Given all the options in front of me it looks like it’s time to hit the interwebs yet again and give it another shot. There is something to be said about being patient, but patience can be seen as being complacent. I’m not getting any younger as my ever growing number of grey hairs keep telling me. I’m ready to stop sitting around and start seeing who’s out there. Maybe she’s out there just waiting for my wink on the site, or maybe it will show me that I need look elsewhere or wait even longer. Either way, love isn’t going to come looking for me, I’m gonna have to find it.
Photo of love button courtesy of Shutterstock.