In the climactic narrative arc of Director Chad Stahelski’s John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023), retired master assassin John Wick, played by sublime Keanu Reeves, kills the evil Marquis, played by strong Bill Skarsgard. John is bloodied from gunshots fired in the Old School pistol duel. John gains his freedom from the High Table. He’s now a free man, free to live his life. Winston, played by fatherly Ian McShane, is John’s lifelong friend and second in the duel.
The wounded John Wick asks Winston, “Will you take me home?”
Gazing at John’s bloody wounds, Winston says, “Of course.”
John slowly walks down the Church steps and sits. He looks at the rising sun. In his mind, he sees his late wife. He says, “Helen.” It was always about Helen. Helen was the great love of John’s life.
In the closing scenes of John Wick: Chapter 4, the Bowery King, played by charismatic Laurence Fishburne, and Winston stand in a cemetery in front of Helen and John’s graves. Inscribed on John’s gravestone: Loving Husband.
The Bowery King asks, “Where do you think he is? Heaven or hell?”
Winston says, “Who knows.”
Before leaving, Winston places his hand on John’s grave. In Russian, he says, “Farewell, my son.”
For John, home was always with Helen. In the end, it’s love. Always.
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I don’t have a woman in my life, who is the great love of my life. My journey to fall madly and deeply in love may end incomplete. I’m good with that. I keep my heart open. Keep moving forward. I’ve given this my best shot. My romantic love story may never be. Just saying.
Still, I have great love stories with those I love unconditionally. Those who loved back unconditionally, too.
Growing up as a little boy, Dad scared the hell out of me. I could never do right for Dad. Whatever I did or didn’t do only made him so angry at me. I got that I wasn’t the son that Dad wanted. My childhood was a no-win scenario.
When Mom saw that Dad terrified me to my soul, she said, “Slow down, Jonny.” She was telling me to calm my soul, that things have a way of working out. Yet being 8-years old, I didn’t always get that. Mom only had unconditional love for me. She always had my back. Mom taught me that kindness and compassion were true strength that defines a good man.
Dad was my dad. He wasn’t going to teach me to be a good man. Fortunately, I trained in Aikido with the late Mizukami Sensei for 25 years until he passed away. Sensei became a father to me. He taught me what it is to be a good man, to be of service, and make a difference. Sensei said, “Just train. It’s not like you have to get somewhere.” He generated the space for me to succeed, to fail, and grow from both. I was good enough for Sensei. I became good enough for me, too.
The late Mizukami Sensei taught both Ishibashi Sensei and me. Ishibashi Sensei is now my Sensei, my Big Brother. Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” He said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.”
In Aikido, the bigger stronger man comes to punch me. I wait it out. I enter the attack and die with honor. I don’t oppose the attack. I match the attack in my attack. I bring the attacker to my center. In the center of the attack, I choose who I am and what I do. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. I apply nikkyo (wristlock) to myself and match the attack with yoko-iriminage (strike to the side of the head) to the attacker. I choose to let the attack pass or end the attack. The attacker chooses to take the fall or stand down from his attack. We both choose.
When I enter the attack, enter what I fear, I let go of my fear inside that I’m not good enough. Although my fear inside me never completely disappears, every time I enter what I fear I let go more of my fear inside. I reinvent the greater version of myself. I free me. That’s love, too.
I have nothing but mad love and respect for my late mom, the late Mizukami Sensei, and Ishibashi Sensei. They are my profound love story. I am the greater man, the greater person, because of their love and kindness. In the end, it’s love. Always. Just saying. Amen.
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Watch the official trailer of John Wick: Chapter 4
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Photo credit: Maxime Gauthier on Unsplash
