As a gentleman, do you think this quote is accurate? What are your initial thoughts?
—
To me the definition of true masculinity—and femininity, too—is being able to lay in your own skin comfortably. Vincent D’Onofrio
How do you define being able to “lay in your own skin” comfortably?
Does it look different for a man to “lay in his own skin” than for a woman to “lay in her own skin?”
Why or why not?
Tell us your thoughts in the comments section.
Better yet, tell us a story and submit it for publication using the link below.
Questions? Email Melissa Drake at [email protected].
You can request me as your editor when you submit your post or if you already have an Editor at The Good Men Project, you can request your current editor.
◊♦◊
Other ways to connect with our Community:
Request to join our private Facebook Group for Writers—it’s like our virtual newsroom where you connect with editors and other writers about issues and ideas.
Click here to become a Premium Member–of our growing Community! Get access to our Premium Member Community on Facebook, Ad-Free viewing of our site, Writer’s and Editor’s training and more!
Don’t like ads? Become a supporter and enjoy The Good Men Project ad free
However you are engaged with The Good Men Project—you can help lead this conversation.
Melissa Drake is the founder of Brilliant Transformations. She is an Editor, Truthteller, and coach with a passion for words, writing, positive energy, and helping others recover from life’s tough transitions. She knows from personal experience, it's important to live your own truth over the truth others prescribed for you. She also knows writing helps process and heal your own hurts.
Once written, the act of sharing your story with others (whether that's on a small scale in an intimate support group, or on a large scale by publishing your story), can empower others. She desires to help individuals Live their Truth, Write their Story, and Empower Others. Her own vulnerable stories of survival have been featured on several global platforms including, Women for One, elephant journal, Scary Mommy, The Good Men Project, The Urban Howl, Thought Catalog, Sick Biz, She Owns It, and The SHFT Blog.
Connect with her on her website or on Facebook. She also has a closed group for individuals experiencing life’s tough transitions, that includes positive daily messaging. Request membership here. You can also follow Melissa on Instagram and Twitter.
Melissa knows and shows hope. There's life after depression and it's brilliant.
I was born an observer. Mom says I didn’t make a peep when I came out, just looked around, saucer-eyed, taking it all in. Two or three wallops from the doc later, I let out a feeble cry, then back to just looking around, huge eyes just taking it in, in, in. Still the observer, I’m never sure I know anything in particular worth peddling to others. Who am I to say what’s for others? I only know my own truth, and that I’m just trying to honestly figure stuff out as I go with the goal of not living… Read more »
Tim – thank you for your thoughtful comments (both here and in the Premium group discussion). I’d love to see them on the site. Please consider submitting them for publication.
Guest
Tommy
9 years ago
Laying in my own skin comfortably means just that, being comfortable with who I am. I don’t mean being comfortable in spite of who I am, but BECAUSE of who I am. I am a man with diverse emotions, insecurities, flaws, strengths, desires, etc. and I own those. I may be trying to change the negative and promote the positive that is within me but I am who I am because of those things. I do believe the culture has shamed men for being open to share their emotions and be sensitive and I say “TO HELL WITH THAT!” My… Read more »
Tommy, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think agree that men have been shamed for sharing their emotions and it’s so unfortunate. I applaud you (and your girlfriend) for deepening your relationship through sharing your emotions. It takes both courage and bravery that not everyone has and/or is ready to bring forward. It’s also very authentic to share your WHOLE self, not just the positive aspects—very transparent and refreshing. I like that you used the words “owning who I am” and that by trying to be someone you’re not, that it is being fake. I’ve come to live authentically… Read more »
Guest
Tommy
9 years ago
Laying in my own skin just means always displaying the honest real version of myself. I know that sounds cliche but it is the best way to be me. I am a man and I can be masculine by being me. That means owning who I am along with my emotions, insecurities, and flaws. If I hide those trying to be “macho” I am being fake.
I think the difference is that guys are judged for trying to lay in their own skin. Women are not. Women can be anything they want, men are boxed (I’ve heard that somewhere before). That’s not to say that women are not often judged for their actions, or a specific behavior at a specific time, but men are judged for who they are as men all the time. We were judged if we cried, if we were less emotional, if we were not strong and powerful, if we did not lead, if we were gay, if we were bi. Today… Read more »
DJ, I don’t disagree with you, but you seemed to have changed your tune (just a bit). I think men and women can be anything they want. I believe both are boxed and both are judged. You seem to state that women are only judged for certain actions and men are judged for being men and yet you list specific actions men are judged for. I don’t know if women are being judged for just being women, but we certainly are judged. In the same way that actions are ok sometimes and not ok other times for men, women are… Read more »
HI Melissa, I can’t read the rest of your statement so I’ll try to respond to that which I can see…and I hope this post actually makes it. Having issues with the site. I didn’t change my tune. I may have just not explained it well enough. I feel ya. I grew up with three sisters. I understand that individual women are judged for their actions, sometimes more then men. Don’t ever think that I don’t get that, or that I’m unwilling to listen to you. Not a contest for me, but the questions was ho we see a difference… Read more »
DJ, it’s unfortunate that other’s can’t see your full reply, because it’s amazing. I was able to read it in my email because I subscribed to updates.
PLEASE put this response into an article and submit it for publication. This is the exact conversation The Good Men Project is trying to address. Your voice matters. I’ll be waiting to see a submission come through (whether it’s me or your other editor doesn’t matter), THIS needs to be shared.
Apologies. I was stirring up trouble and did not think to check back here.
Great minds! It got me to thinking also.I’ve already started incorporating some of it into one that I was going to ship off to Barbara, but I think the two thoughts are different enough.
You’re such a troublemaker, DJ! I don’t care which editor you send it to, I just want to make sure your thoughts are shared with a wider audience. It’s not about me, or you but the higher purpose of the site. Of course I have I highly relevant meme among my 15,00 stored on my phone that I’d love to post for extra emphasis with a quote from my coach. Since we’re not quite “there” yet, I’ll just say keep writing and please submit these thoughts. Thanks for all that you do and the value that you bring to the… Read more »
I was born an observer. Mom says I didn’t make a peep when I came out, just looked around, saucer-eyed, taking it all in. Two or three wallops from the doc later, I let out a feeble cry, then back to just looking around, huge eyes just taking it in, in, in. Still the observer, I’m never sure I know anything in particular worth peddling to others. Who am I to say what’s for others? I only know my own truth, and that I’m just trying to honestly figure stuff out as I go with the goal of not living… Read more »
Tim – thank you for your thoughtful comments (both here and in the Premium group discussion). I’d love to see them on the site. Please consider submitting them for publication.
Laying in my own skin comfortably means just that, being comfortable with who I am. I don’t mean being comfortable in spite of who I am, but BECAUSE of who I am. I am a man with diverse emotions, insecurities, flaws, strengths, desires, etc. and I own those. I may be trying to change the negative and promote the positive that is within me but I am who I am because of those things. I do believe the culture has shamed men for being open to share their emotions and be sensitive and I say “TO HELL WITH THAT!” My… Read more »
Tommy, thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think agree that men have been shamed for sharing their emotions and it’s so unfortunate. I applaud you (and your girlfriend) for deepening your relationship through sharing your emotions. It takes both courage and bravery that not everyone has and/or is ready to bring forward. It’s also very authentic to share your WHOLE self, not just the positive aspects—very transparent and refreshing. I like that you used the words “owning who I am” and that by trying to be someone you’re not, that it is being fake. I’ve come to live authentically… Read more »
Laying in my own skin just means always displaying the honest real version of myself. I know that sounds cliche but it is the best way to be me. I am a man and I can be masculine by being me. That means owning who I am along with my emotions, insecurities, and flaws. If I hide those trying to be “macho” I am being fake.
I think the difference is that guys are judged for trying to lay in their own skin. Women are not. Women can be anything they want, men are boxed (I’ve heard that somewhere before). That’s not to say that women are not often judged for their actions, or a specific behavior at a specific time, but men are judged for who they are as men all the time. We were judged if we cried, if we were less emotional, if we were not strong and powerful, if we did not lead, if we were gay, if we were bi. Today… Read more »
Test reply…looks like comments are working again!
DJ, good to see you still here, and still telling it like it is…
You are a good man, Anthony. Don’t ever believe differently. We need more of you.
Yes, Anthony the comments are working—sort of. How’s that article coming?
DJ, I don’t disagree with you, but you seemed to have changed your tune (just a bit). I think men and women can be anything they want. I believe both are boxed and both are judged. You seem to state that women are only judged for certain actions and men are judged for being men and yet you list specific actions men are judged for. I don’t know if women are being judged for just being women, but we certainly are judged. In the same way that actions are ok sometimes and not ok other times for men, women are… Read more »
HI Melissa, I can’t read the rest of your statement so I’ll try to respond to that which I can see…and I hope this post actually makes it. Having issues with the site. I didn’t change my tune. I may have just not explained it well enough. I feel ya. I grew up with three sisters. I understand that individual women are judged for their actions, sometimes more then men. Don’t ever think that I don’t get that, or that I’m unwilling to listen to you. Not a contest for me, but the questions was ho we see a difference… Read more »
DJ, it’s unfortunate that other’s can’t see your full reply, because it’s amazing. I was able to read it in my email because I subscribed to updates.
PLEASE put this response into an article and submit it for publication. This is the exact conversation The Good Men Project is trying to address. Your voice matters. I’ll be waiting to see a submission come through (whether it’s me or your other editor doesn’t matter), THIS needs to be shared.
Thanks for your consideration.
Hey,
Apologies. I was stirring up trouble and did not think to check back here.
Great minds! It got me to thinking also.I’ve already started incorporating some of it into one that I was going to ship off to Barbara, but I think the two thoughts are different enough.
I’ll try, Melissa
You’re such a troublemaker, DJ! I don’t care which editor you send it to, I just want to make sure your thoughts are shared with a wider audience. It’s not about me, or you but the higher purpose of the site. Of course I have I highly relevant meme among my 15,00 stored on my phone that I’d love to post for extra emphasis with a quote from my coach. Since we’re not quite “there” yet, I’ll just say keep writing and please submit these thoughts. Thanks for all that you do and the value that you bring to the… Read more »