Those who are possessed by nothing, possess everything. – Morihei Ueshiba
I can and have become attached to my expectations in my own trials and tribulations.
In Director Martin Brest’s Meet Joe Black (1998), Anthony Hopkins played 65-year-old media CEO Bill Parrish, whose life draws to its inevitable end. Brad Pitt played Death in the human form of Joe Black. In the closing moments, Bill and Joe walk side by side into Shakespeare’s “undiscovered country”.
Bill asks, “It’s hard to let go, isn’t it?”
Joe replies, “Yes, it is Bill.”
Bill says, “What can I tell you? That’s life.”
In life, letting go is hard. I hold onto my expectations, whether self-imposed or imposed by others. Paradoxically, I don’t own my expectations. They can possess me, and they have.
Beholding to expectations, I’m attached to them. Werner Erhard distinguished that as our predictable already always future: The way my future is supposed to unfold. It’s predictable. No surprise. No freedom.
In Aikido, I’m present in the moment of the attack, when someone attacks me. I train in mushin. In Japanese, mushin means “no mind” or “empty mind”. In mushin, nothing possesses me. There’s nothing to possess. I create myself from mushin, from nothing.
The 250 pound man comes to punch me out. I wait it out. I take the glancing blow, if I have to. I’m not getting away scot-free. The late Mizukami Sensei said, “It’s one time.” I create my Aikido technique in mushin. I choose who I am under the attack, under what I fear. That’s the safest place to be.
I choose whether to let the attack pass or end the attack. It’s only me against me. The attacker is irrelevant. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” I enter the attack and die with honor. I could win or lose. I’m not attached to the outcome. What happens, happens.
Werner Erhard said, “What you can let be, lets you be.” I let myself be. I free me. I free myself of expectations.
In the bigger picture, I’ll always have my “in order to’s”: My in order to make it in life, to be happy in life. I have to be tall, handsome, brilliant, and rich in order to marry the beautiful woman, ride off into the sunset together, and live happily ever after. Yet, there’s no in order to life. I made that shit up.
In any given moment, I choose who I’m going to be. I invent myself from mushin, from nothing. No expectations. No aspirations. Neither possessed by the past nor beholding to the already always predictable future, I’m free to be. Free to act. My authentic expression is making a difference.
I try to make a difference in training and teaching Aikido. I guide students to invent their greater-than versions, what the late Mizukami Sensei had done for me. As the Sensei, who he trained, I do my best to make the world a better place in some way. Sensei’s profound legacy is being of service and being a good person.
I try to make a difference in writing about loving and forgiving thine own self with my Editor Lisa Blacker for The Good Men Project. Maybe, the world shines a little brighter in what we write, in what we have to say.
In healing my childhood trauma and depression with my Therapist Lance, I learned to love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not. I train to become the greater man. That’s O-Sensei’s true victory. In the bigger picture.
The late cystic fibrosis activist Claire Wineland said, “Have a life that you’re proud of.” I’m proud of my life. I’m not attached to it. I free me. I invent me. So do you. Just saying.
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