Is Criticism Poisoning Your Love?

The myth of “constructive criticism” is killing our relationships, especially for women.

So many of us are stuck with the narrative that sharing our perspectives of how our partners could be better people is “healthy” and appropriate.

It’s not. It destroys trust and emotional safety and brings nothing but negativity and distance.

“But if I don’t share how I feel, how will they improve?”

Newsflash: it’s not your job to fix your spouse. It’s your job to love, accept, and, when asked for, gently advise your spouse. They didn’t marry you so you can solve all their problems. They married you so you can support them through their problems.

When you criticize, fix, put down, disparage, or use sarcasm (“i.e., just joking”), even with the best intentions, you push your spouse away with both hands—especially your wife.

“You’re so insecure.”

Correct. We become insecure when the person who claims to love us most, the person we turn to when we need support, becomes the source of put-downs or an endless stream of ways we could have “done better.”

10x Truer for Women

The woman in your life isn’t there so you can change her. She’s there to change you. It’s what women do — nurture, inspire, and support all those she loves. That’s why so many women are attracted to the “fixer-upper.” Because she has an innate desire to transform the world around her for the better, starting with the man she loves most. Hence, it goes against the laws of nature for you to be fixing her, especially through criticism. Inspiring her? Yes. Leading your family? Of course, Setting a great example? 100%. But trying to change her? No.

There are ways to share your thoughts, feelings, concerns, and issues with your spouse. Ways to lift them up and help them reach their potential. But within marriage, it’s not through criticism or put-downs.

Eliminate this from your marriage and build next-level trust, love, and happiness instead.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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From The Good Men Project on Medium

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The Internal Struggle Men Battle in Silence

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