Quiet people can potentially evoke really strong reactions from people. Usually it is just when people do not know someone very well yet. When people do not hear your perspective as often as they hear other people’s, they tend to analyze you more to figure you out, which is understandable.
Quiet People are not silently judging you. That would result in an appropriate defining label of Snob or Jerk, not Quiet Person. We may notice a lot of things about you, just as you notice a lot of things about us, but that does not mean we disapprove of what we notice any more or less than you do.
Quiet People do not elect an outgoing person to be our spokesperson. If someone claims to have the lowdown on us, they are full of it. We may be quiet, but we are quite capable of speaking for ourselves. And if we did use other people for selfish means, that would result in Manipulative being the winning label to describe this behavior, not Quiet.
Quiet People are generally no more and no less fearful or anxious than anyone else. It is just a wording choice. We may have a rather exhaustive criteria for discerning what is a right moment and what is the right word to best communicate a thought. Also, perhaps we just don’t feel like piping up right this second – this is not especially unique to quiet people, but I suppose we choose the quiet option more often than a “typical” person does.
Quiet People who are routinely quiet by nature are not attempting social manipulation. We are not trying to make a statement or elicit a response from someone, we are simply content to be quiet and we appreciate listening to others. Actively listening is a strong form of nonverbal communication that can indicate care, concern, engagement, and other positive qualities. In addition, quiet people may be more intentional about processing whatever is on our mind at the moment. We usually pay great attention to detail and analyzing all the details takes away brain power from other interests of the moment. We do care about what is going on in the moment we are in, but sometimes other cares are going on within us as well. Again, not especially unique to quiet people but it seems to be noticed in us more often.
Quiet People are not always quiet. Still waters run deep and sometimes a soul just needs to bust out once in a while. There is usually some button within us that unleashes more conversation or reaction than you bargained for. Whether it is Colin Mochrie as a reporter who continually has no idea what he is reporting on or a fun song on the radio or sharing a nonsensical inside joke with friends, there are moments when we have no defenses against loosening up in a way that strongly connects us to other people.
You are okay if you are quiet. You are a billion other qualities too. Your character is more important than worrying about what label someone else chooses for you. Keep doing the right thing even if people do not recognize it much in you. You’ve got this!
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This post is republished on Medium.
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