It’s Valentines Day and I’m sitting in a well known Sydney restaurant eating lunch with a ruggedly handsome bachelor, Michael. He stops mid-sentence to watch two women giggling as they take selfies. They stand half-way down the restaurant overshadowing a young couple’s table, trying to take the perfect selfie. It’s like a scene out of a bad movie, where they’re acting as teenagers who are trying to get as much attention as possible. And yes it’s working.
When they finally finish, they both smile in the direction of Michael, who rolls his eyes and asked me, “When did women become so f*cking self-centred?”
He has an excellent point. It seems some women have become so obsessed with taking the ‘Selfie’ that they’re missing out on real relationships with men. If you’re spending time looking inwards admiring yourself, you’re definitely absent from what’s happening externally in your surroundings. This can also mean missing out on meeting people.
If you didn’t know, a selfie is a photo taken of oneself with a smart device and shared on social media. Many women who take selfies use an app to enhance the photo to instantly appear magazine airbrushed. Michael points out that one of the women could stand half a chance if she stopped acting like a self-obsessed selfie teenager and attempted to have a conversation with him.
Taking a selfie isn’t easy.
Later that week I watch a model take about 10 selfies in a row whilst we’re waiting backstage. She notices I’m watching and says; “Oh I take a hundred selfies and only post one or two max! Most of them aren’t any good at all.” I stare at her flawless skin and wonder if she realises how ridiculous this sounds. Who has the time to take a hundred selfies?
A selfie can often characterise an overconfident person who has entitlement issues, is competitive and has an apparent lack of empathy. When you scan social media, you’ll see most women have at least one selfie posted every week. And if you troll through mine you’ll notice I have many; as a television host, I am expected to post several times a day to expand my profile, the network, and our show.
On the flipside trying to take a selfie can be quite tricky. Not everyone takes a good selfie, it actually takes talent. The angles you need to get for the perfect shot are a little tricky. It takes a lot of practice to capture your better side.
As technology gets faster, we’re witnessing digital natives becoming more narcissistic every day. But as a society have we allowed conventional wisdom to blind us with the openness of innovation, where optimism is viewed through the selfie bearing superficial qualities for us to admire?
When a female expresses herself in a half-naked selfie, it’s an obvious attempt for reassurance about her appearance and to grab attention that offers a complete lack of substance. And men pose in front of bathroom mirrors, claiming to show off their transformational fitness, but they are feeding their own egos as they boast about personal accomplishments.
The ‘Selftis’ Disorder is Very Real
I found a study by Jessica Ridgway and Russell Clayton of the Florida State University. The study’s authors found that people who are satisfied with their body image post more selfies than people who are unsatisfied with their body. They also found that romantic partners become jealous about the attention their partners receive form posting selfies. This may potentially lead to conflict, cheating and ending the relationship.
Urban Dictionary defines ‘selfitis’ as “the obsessive compulsive desire to take photos of one’s self and post them on social media,” and based on the Florida State study, doing so is likely a way to make up for the lack of self-esteem and to fill a gap in intimacy.
As part of my own research, I spoke with 20 randomly-selected single women from different countries, about the selfie. 85% of these women confirmed they have high expectations of their potential partners. They want him to have a good profile with lots of followers, he also has to be wealthy and good looking. These expectations are unrealistic, especially when you compare them to an emotionally intelligent woman who wants her partner to mirror her values.
Do Men Stand a Chance Against the Selfie?
Relationships are formed by connecting with each other, through conversations and eye contact. This doesn’t include texting or chatting through social media on your smart devices or commenting on selfies on Instagram. Trust doesn’t form in a day or via text messages. We have to create mechanisms where we allow trust and relationships on a deeper level like love.
Now there’s no need to end a relationship just because she likes to take selfies. Take as an example. As I mentioned earlier, as a television host you’re expected to take selfies and post on a daily basis. Of course, it’s only natural that I like to have some fun with posting selfies. It makes the whole process seem slightly more enjoyable—for everyone.
Make Sure She’s not all About Her-Selfie
RULE #1 SHE HAS TO BE AVAILABLE
She needs to be available to be in a relationship with you. When you go out on a date – if she’s just taking a selfie without you in it… then she’s in a relationship with herself, and you don’t stand a chance.
Also remember this amazing, once-in-a-million girl will be #MIA when it gets tough. She may end up cheating because she has so many other guys on social media that want to be there for her. If you want to assess your relationship and perhaps find the answers to why women look elsewhere, review the article for some helpful tips.
RULE #2 MAKE SURE SHE’S EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE
When you open up to her about your deepest darkest secrets or general concerns by accessing your feelings, and you notice she rolls her eyes –you’re heading for disaster. It basically means she’s without any empathy and is all about herself. You need someone who is emotionally available. And if she posts a selfie rolling her eyes – before you respond, read last week’s article for tips on how to communicate effectively whilst feeling this pain.
RULE #3 THE OBSESSION SELFIE TAKER
Romantic conflicts among selfies tends to revolve around jealous arguments and concerns about how much attention others are paying to these images. These partners of obsessive selfie takers tend to spend excessive amounts of time monitoring ‘likes’ and comments on their lovers’ status updates and social media activity, which may cause jealous feelings to escalate. This may often led to relationship break–ups and cheating.
If she shows signs of any or all of the above it’s time to let her go. It’s far better to have a stable partnership that you can be proud of, with a woman that is available and wants an emotionally intelligent relationship. If she does reveal some bad selfie habits why not review to help you work out what values to look for in a potential partner.
Bring Her Back to Reality and Turn Your Relationship Around
When a woman spends more time taking selfies than spending time with you, it’s an obvious attempt for reassurance about her appearance. Perhaps it’s time you give her a real compliment and suggest she put away her smart device so you guys can spend some quality time together. And if she wants to take a selfie with the two of you in it, let her capture the moment as a keepsake.
Are you in a relationship with “her-selfie”? What is it about selfies that turn you on or off? I’d love to read your comments below. All comments are most welcome.
Photo credit: Flickr