Is it Okay to Want Love?

I’m skeptical…

About everything.

Not in a way that means I won’t agree with anyone, or in a way that means I don’t trust anyone or think that everyone is a bunch of monkeys.

Actually, the last one I definitely believe.

You’re a sexy ole monkey reader.

But still a monkey.

…

It’s not that I don’t believe in anything. Of course I do! If I didn’t believe in anything, I’d be a resentful and pessimistic anti-christ. And an anti-christ is just another word for a man-baby that thinks the world owes him something.

(Which could possibly be the high-chair tyrant described by Moore and Gillette in their book, “King, Warrior, Magician, Lover”)

I don’t think the world owes me anything except opportunity. An opportunity that only exists because I still breathe air from this planet. It means that I choose to take responsibility for what I do and do not have, no matter my suffering, my sadness, and my desperation.

And that includes love with and from another human.

So, when do we decide that partnership and intimacy and romance aren’t worth it?

When do we decide that love isn’t necessary or that we can live efficiently off of self-love and family love?

I was a lover from as young an age as I can remember. I was a terror for sure, but I remember the height of my emotions. I wanted nothing more than to be affectionate in a way that brought people closer to me physically. I wanted touch and softness and compassionate affirmation. I wanted to feel my heart melt and my skin sensitive enough to hurt and my brain fire with love.

I always wanted it.

And I always pursued it. In some cases, toxically.

But as a child, it’s amazing what we don’t intellectually understand, yet still know what we want just by instinct.

We want love.

I believe in balances.

Spectrums.

Polarity.

And because I believe in them, that, to me, means that a coin can’t exist with only one side. Something has to exist on the other side of it.

It means that the roots of a tree matter just as much as its branches and leaves.

It means that a rainbow isn’t one unless it contains all of its prismatic greatness.

It means that self-love and partnered love are both greatly important.

…

There’s sheer power in being single.

Being able to assess the world without interruption is daunting at first, but freeing. To listen and to manipulate your own internal narrative helps you define what it is you’re after and how you want to approach the world. Being single means that you’re free from anyone else that compromises your time or your desires. You get to feel the world only as you can feel it.

Being single is necessary.

It’s also deteriorating.

I’ve read so many articles now on being single.

Why?

Because I am single.

Because I want to know what’s healthy about it and what it means for my time and place in this world. Being single has let me choose myself and most crucially, help me determine what I want for myself and what I won’t compromise on: my purpose and my authentic self.

However…

Everything I stated as a strength can just as easily be a weakness.

Another human is there to not keep you from yourself, but help you question yourself. Help you answer more directly to yourself. To maintain a standard because there’s always someone else to be aware of, listen to, and care for besides yourself.

Everyone has been hurt. And it sucks.

But, because of that hurt, we’re starting to see love just as what we can’t have and what limitations it brings.

We sell ourselves on only what it takes from us, not what it could give us.

So, is it okay to want love?

When we think we don’t deserve it or when we think they don’t deserve it?

I’ll tell you this…

It’s more okay to want it than to not want it.

Love is the glue of all that exists. It’s why it exists.

And love is far less conditional than modern society has made it to be.

For all of my life, I saw love as something I would get when I was good enough.

I could have Love when I passed the tests and was accepted into the Land of Love; that island that sits beyond the serene, waveless sea of the lonely world of singles.

When I showed(who the fuck am I showing?) that I was suave enough. Charismatic enough. Confident enough. Wealthy enough. Intelligent enough. Funny enough.

And what blew my mind(and still does) is that I see dysfunctional and truly unhealthy relationships all the time. I’m surrounded by them.

People who are financially irresponsible, people who are addicts, cheaters, noncommittal children, tools, players, conniving jerks, abusers, narcissists…

And mostly, it’s not even their fault.

It’s traumas and conditioned self-hate that made them what they are. They only don’t have the internal strength to do something about it. And they blame the world and pass on responsibility to everyone that’s not responsible for their lives…

The nearly impossible work of all of us is to remember that all of the people that are toxic used to be innocent sponges that just got dealt a bad hand, and now they live inside their own story where the world is only there to attack them and they live impulsively through their emotions.

(maybe we all need some Stoic practice)

…

So, at the core, yes…

It’s okay to want love.

To seek it. To deeply desire it. To expect it even.

But great love doesn’t come from those that think love is a checklist of monetary attributes or perfect personality or even status.

It comes from curiosity. From falling in love with what you wouldn’t even expect to love, like flaws and insecurities and weaknesses.

Why?

Because maybe love is seeing the human.

Because maybe love is feeling passion and sharing laughter.

Because maybe love is touching butts and stealing kisses.

Because maybe love is losing yourself in another’s soul.

Because maybe love is not knowing why you love in the first place.

And pursuing it anyway.

It’s okay to love.

And it’s okay to love without the world’s standards influencing your choices telling you what’s right for you.

Only you know what’s right for you.

Especially when you’ve purposely spent years healing yourself, discovering what you want, living intentionally, and knowing what you won’t give up.

It’s okay to love my friend.

Truth and Love Reader!

…

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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