Is It True Love or Trauma Bond?

Love begins with the promises of safety, commitment, and trust. But be careful…so can a trauma bond.

I often encounter couples who have confused love with a trauma bond, and believe me, it does nothing but ruin them.

But I don’t blame them. Even the brightest people can fall into abusive trauma bonds. This is primarily because when you love someone, you can easily turn a blind eye to their red flags, even if they’re destroying you.

Love is a beautiful thing when it’s healthy and normal, but when unhealthy emotions, behaviors, and power dynamics come into play, it can be hard to tell if you’re in love or in a trauma bond.

So what are the signs of a trauma bond relationship? Let me enlighten you.

You defend their toxic behavior.

I guess she’s telling lies because she doesn’t want to hurt me.

I understand that he doesn’t want me to go out with my friends because he thinks they’re toxic.

She wants all my attention because she loves me.

Sound familiar?

If you always justify their actions even when they’re clearly wrong and toxic, guess what? You’re trauma bonding.

Red flags are red flags. They shouldn’t look green, orange, or any other color to you.

You think their abuse is your fault.

You always blame yourself for every bad thing that’s been happening in your relationship, so you accept their treatment even when it’s becoming abusive.

You have undying loyalty to them.

Continuing loyalty and trust in an abusive partner are two obvious signs you’re in a trauma bond relationship.

You don’t care how much they hurt you and crush your soul because all you can think about is how well they treated you in the past.

But let me tell you, you’re not living in the past. Focus on the present and see things for what they are.

You’re stuck in a never-ending cycle.

It’s normal to make mistakes, fight, and reconcile in a relationship. But when your partner makes the same mistakes and yet you still forgive them and nothing ever changes, that’s a trauma bond.

You keep taking them back because you think you can’t live without them. In other words, you believe it’s better to suffer than to let them go.

There’s no easy way out.

Being in a trauma bond relationship is one of the most difficult situations a person can ever face in life.

Even if they want to, they can’t let their partner go because they’re still attached. They’re also afraid of the shame and embarrassment their partner might inflict once they leave the relationship.

As a result, they would just stay and let the cycle continue.

A trauma bond is an addiction, so breaking free from it is very hard and painful.

But like any addiction, you can recover from it. You can unlearn the coping mechanisms and find healing.

Don’t give up. You got this.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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