During most MenLiving meetings, we start with a check-in process. Last week, I led our very first Friday meeting, and I chose the topic of emotions, which is the 3rd of the Five MenLiving Suggestions. The main emotions I typically focus on are anger, fear, sadness, and joy. Lately, I’ve been thinking about joy and whether our experience of it gets less intense as we age. I’ve been struggling with this question over the past week. Part of me believes that it does. Here is my evidence, seen through the lens of pop culture:
My wife and I attended the U2 concert at the Sphere in Las Vegas earlier this year. The band sounded amazing, and the venue was like nothing we’d ever seen before. But I got the feeling that Bono and the rest of the band were kind of going through the motions, treating it as just another gig among the thousands they’ve done before.
Two weeks ago, Cathy and I attended the Tim McGraw concert (in cowboy hats and boots) at the United Center. Tim sounded great, but similar to U2, it felt like it was just a performance and was lacking a certain energy. I couldn’t tell if the energy was missing from him or me. I left feeling I got my money’s worth, but the experience didn’t feel as special as I had hoped.
Over the last weekend, I went to a Niall Horan concert with my daughter. He used to be a member of One Direction along with Harry Styles (I also attended his concert with my daughter). Even though I wasn’t familiar with any of Niall’s songs, my daughter knew all of them. I was able to really focus on Niall and I noticed that despite being a professional musician for about ten years, he seemed genuinely excited to be performing. His heartfelt gratitude towards the audience was deeply moving. His joy could be felt, and it was mesmerizing in a way that even Tim and Bono couldn’t match.
One of the most famous lines in The Breakfast Club is when Ally Sheedy’s character, Allison, says, “When you grow up, your heart dies.” I watched Inside Out 2 this weekend and “Joy” says to the other emotions, “Maybe this is what happens when you grow up – you feel less joy.”
Is joy different as we age? At 52, I find joy in quieter moments: listening to birds, watering my garden, being with a friend who’s open, taking a conscious breath with my wife and three daughters while eating together. Or perhaps I’m not experiencing joy and instead experiencing contentment? Or maybe it’s simply semantics?
As I write this, I am preparing for our annual MenLiving “Play Like We Did When We Were 7 Years Old” Event that happens tomorrow night. We might play kickball or dodgeball, but I have a feeling I will be experiencing some joy.
At the end of all our MenLiving meetings, I ask the guys to do a one-word check-out. I think I might be checking out with “confused.”
Meet Todd Adams
For 30 years, Todd has been a leader in the construction industry. He is also a certified life and leadership coach for men. Since 2010, he and his wife have cohosted Zen Parenting Radio, a top-ten kids and family podcast.
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Previously Published on Men Living and is republished on Medium.
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Photo credit: iStock
