Last year my wife and I sat next to one another as her doctor entered the room, sat down, folded her hands over the lab results, and said to my wife, “You have breast cancer.”
You have breast cancer.
Those four words seemed to hang in the air like some kind of toxic aerosol. I remember my throat feeling dry, and a million thoughts swirled through my mind.
Thus began a year-long journey of appointments, tests, surgeries, scans, and follow-ups. There would be tears, laughter, doubts, and optimism.
I bought Marc Silver’s excellent book, “Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (And Yourself) Through Diagnosis, Treatment, and Beyond.” I attended every one of my wife’s appointments, and always took notes so we’d remember everything later.
There were moments of stress, but also grace, love, and tenderness.
Before the diagnosis, we had a few European trips planned, but they had to be rescheduled. This year, after my wife’s recovery, we finally took those trips to Scotland and Italy.
The trips were lovely, but when we returned home to our daily routines, we discovered something.
The ordinary, quotidian rhythms of daily life, often bring more peace and joy than big events or European vacations.
In other words, it’s the ordinary that’s extraordinary.
I shall not pass this way again
When I was a young police officer, I once responded to a call involving an elderly man in distress. He had fallen with his groceries and was unable to get up.
The call is often known as a “pick up and put back.”
Fire department personnel were also dispatched to the call, to assess the gentleman for injuries. When I arrived on the scene, the firefighters already had the old fellow standing, and a young firefighter collected the scattered groceries.
Those darn firefighters, I remember chuckling to myself. Always the heroes.
I shall pass through this world but once. Any good, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any human being, let me do it now. Let me not defer it or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again. — Stephen Grellet
The Fire Captain tried to communicate with the man, who was Chinese and spoke no English. I checked with Dispatch and learned that it was a neighbor who knew the man and had called 9–1–1. Dispatch said the man lived in the adjacent condos, and provided an address.
What happened next may seem unremarkable, but it has always stayed with me.
The Fire Captain stood in front of the old man, held the man’s forearms, and walked backward, slowly leading the feeble man to his nearby condo. The young firefighter followed along, carrying the man’s groceries.
The old man smiled as the kind Fire Captain led him along.
I have been to countless emergency calls in my law enforcement career. I have witnessed many acts of heroism, bravery, and kindness.
But for some reason, this call involving the old man and the Fire Captain continues to touch my heart. It was the most ordinary call, and yet quite extraordinary.
Maybe because, in its simplicity, it reflects the best of humanity.
The young and able helping the old and feeble. Kindness, patience, and grace.
The extraordinary found in the ordinary.
When you take nothing for granted, life is abundant
During and after my wife’s breast cancer treatment, we found renewed joy in the simple things.
We sit on our back patio by the pool each morning to enjoy our coffee, watch the epic hummingbird wars, and listen to the robust quail as they squabble and rustle leaves in the nearby brush.
We relax evenings with our cat and dogs as we read books and talk. We enjoy short road trips, bookstores, and quality time with family and friends.
We appreciate the simple abundance of daily living.
An article in Grateful.org notes:
When you take nothing for granted, life is abundant.
The principle ‘The Ordinary Is Extraordinary’ is at once simple and profound. It’s an invitation to walk through your days taking nothing for granted, with conscious acknowledgment of the amazing things and people that make up your life. As a practice, it’s an ambitious one. When you grow accustomed to the details of your life, it’s easy to take them for granted even when that’s not your intent. Yet with practice, recognizing the beauty of the ordinary leads to a vibrant aliveness that can sustain you, even when life gets challenging.
These days, my wife and I take nothing for granted, especially our health.
If you animate the ordinary, it will be extraordinary
Recently I watched a Tonight Show clip with host Jimmy Fallon interviewing the Mexican filmmaker Guillermo del Toro about his stop-motion animated film, Pinocchio.
Guillermo del Toro describes how, to make the characters in the animation more real, they are shown stumbling, knocking things over, and making mistakes. As a result, they are more believable, humanlike, and endearing.
Guillermo del Toro quoted the Japanese animator Hayao Miyazaki, who said:
If you animate the ordinary, it will be extraordinary.
Guillermo del Toro noted that the Pinocchio story takes place during the time of Benito Mussolini. Some critics felt the animation was a dark take on the Pinocchio story, but del Toro pointed out that “To appreciate the light you need the darkness.”
To appreciate the light, you need the darkness.
Maybe that’s why my wife and I have a deeper appreciation for daily life. How the ordinary is quite extraordinary. Battling cancer, and facing our mortality, provides great insight.
Guillermo del Toro said that the idea behind Pinocchio is “Can we love each other while we are briefly in this world? Can we belong to each other? Can we support each other?”
During my wife’s cancer treatment and recovery, I found tremendous peace and grace in loving each other, belonging to each other, and supporting each other.
We also resolved to stop wasting time on things that don’t enhance our lives.
We quit watching network news channels, with their endless bickering and political biases. We decreased our time with social media, to make room for books, exercise, and quality time together.
Silent destroyers of the human soul
It’s easy to get lost on television and social media, but we rarely find deep meaning there.
The best of life is found in each other, our conversations, books, great films, outdoor walks, and acts of kindness. And you don’t need to survive a life-threatening illness to enjoy these things.
The trick is to avoid familiarity.
Familiarity is what robs us of wonder, curiosity, and finding the extraordinary in the ordinary. Children can teach us a lot on this. They continually marvel at the simple, beautiful wonders of life.
Comparison and familiarity — silent destroyers of the human soul. — Paddick Van Zyl
I found beauty and grace in watching a Fire Captain steady an old man and help him walk home. My wife’s journey with breast cancer taught me to appreciate the simple things. The extraordinary found in the ordinary.
If you want to enrich your life, slow down and start seeing the extraordinary in the ordinary. Spend less time on social media, and more time with loved ones and outdoors.
And remember the lessons from Guillermo del Toro’s Pinnochio:
Can we love each other while we are briefly in this world? Can we belong to each other? Can we support each other?
Animate the ordinary, and your life will be extraordinary.
Before you go
I’m John P. Weiss. I write elegant stories and essays about life. To get my latest writing, photography, and artwork, check out The Saturday Letters.
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This post was previously published on Medium.com.
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Artworks by John P. Weiss
