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Jael Benjamin, performing at IWPS 2019 in San Diego, CA.
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Transcript provided by YouTube (unedited)
When bae tells me to make myself comfortable,
I take off my shoes, hang up my jacket,
and I farted.
He looked at me as if to say, “The fuck was that?”
I looked at him, as if to say, “You said comfortable, my nigga.”
In every marriage, shit happens,
but in some relationships, farts don’t?
I used to be a “who let it out” type of girl,
a “damn, was that you?” type of girl.
Oh, that’s the devil type of girl,
a “are we by a ditch?” type of girl,
an ease it (blowing) out type of girl,
a lift up, let it slip type of girl.
But God said, I was free, and I am free indeed.
So, what to do, baby?
If I cannot, if I have to choose my bowels over you,
than you just got let go.
I am a bowel-breathing type of girl,
a if I’m in the bathroom more than 20 minutes,
ima need a towel for a shower type of girl.
Might still bring my Poo-Pourri type of girl.
“Did you really expect me to queef during sex
and look back?” type of girl.
I refuse to be backed up when trying to back it up type of girl.
I will not cuddle with my knees to my chest,
and squeeze my butt, type of girl.
“Do you really think you could handle me silent and deadly?” type of girl.
See, if I cannot embarrass myself around you,
then I don’t want to love you either.
I’d rather break the barrier with knowing that when shit hits the fan,
you will not duck, you will protect this type of girl.
So when he says, “Make yourself comfortable,”
be free, be natural, be yourself,
he is never surprised with what type of girl I am.
So let’s be clear, if I’ve never passed gas around you,
we only talked, never dated.
And if I cannot take a number two in your bathroom,
then you will never get to second base with this type of girl.
(cheering and applause)
This post was previously published on YouTube.
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