There was a question posed on Reddit today, “why is the most attractive quality in a man confidence?”
This is an easy A. Due to the fact that I’m confident, and rightfully so, I’m going to break this one down on my whiteboard for those of you in class.
When you date a confident man, you don’t have to worry about guys checking you out when you go out in public. Of course it happens, if you’re an even remotely attractive woman, it will always happen. But you don’t have to worry about the fallout, the aftermath, the angry little man who is so pissed off that you wore that low cut shirt, that you obviously got up to go to the ladies room so he could better check you out, that you didn’t make it clear to every stranger in the facility that you’re the property of that little angry man, and it’s all your fault someone checked you out and you didn’t psychically convey your takenness to everyone in the joint.
When you date a confident man, you don’t get the silent treatment when you tell him you’re going out with your girlfriends. You don’t have to watch the clock all night, check your phone a thousand times to measure just how pissed off he is before you go home, you don’t have to worry your things will be packed when you get there. You’re not going home to baseless allegations and name calling. You can simply enjoy your evening out with your girlfriends, then catch an Uber home, remove your makeup, and go to bed.
When you date a confident man, every single thing that you do and say isn’t analyzed as though you’re lying. He doesn’t assume every time you try to go to Publix that you’re meeting an affair partner. He doesn’t try to police your wardrobe, or your makeup, or your general demeanor. He is still just as attracted to your great qualities as he was when you met, instead of trying to rob you of them so that nobody else will notice you.
A confident man doesn’t spend his time pointing out your little “flaws”, breaking down your self-esteem, and who you are as a woman every day. He doesn’t need to strip you of your confidence; he has his own.
That’s the long and short of it. If you date a confident man, you’re given the go ahead to continue being the woman you are. You won’t find yourself defending everything you wear, every comment you make, anything that allows you a moment to shine. A confident man isn’t going to try to steal your moment in the sun; he has had and continues to have his own. This means he can celebrate who you are and what you accomplish.
He’s not sitting there wondering if this means you’ll leave him now. He knows he doesn’t need to worry about you bettering yourself, because it’s not a threat to your relationship. A man who lacks confidence takes everything as a threat. You got promoted? Threat. Your best friend got a new boyfriend? Threat. Your sister graduated college? Threat.
Things that should have zero bearing on your relationship with him at all are a threat. The wild ass mental gymnastics could give Mary Lou Rhetton a run for her money, and she is the goat of gymnastic gold. It will leave you bewildered and constantly asking yourself just what in the hell you’re doing wrong.
That’s what they want. They want you to question yourself. They want you to wonder what exactly is so wrong with you that you can’t understand the simple dynamics of a relationship. Because then you’re the one with the problem. You’re the one who has the issue.
This is why confidence is so important in the man you’re dating. He isn’t tearing you down. He’s building you up. He isn’t working to discover your flaws. He’s too busy complimenting your outstanding qualities. He’s not trying to control you, because he’s too busy just being the great guy that he is. He doesn’t need to control anyone. He’s just being him.
So, when women say over and over again the best quality in a man is confidence, I assure you, this is exactly what they mean. She won’t spend the entire evening stroking his ego and apologizing for being hit on when she went to the bar for a drink. That’s the luxury dating a confident man affords you.
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This post was previously published on MEDIUM.COM.
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Photo credit: iStock.com
👏👏👏 So True!