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I remember it as if were yesterday. I was in 8th grade and part of the progression into high school meant changing the school I attended that year. One day the teacher announced we would have our first “dress down” day. I remember the excitement I felt—it felt like a relaxed, vacation kind of day was coming! As I got dressed that morning, I decided to wear sweatpants. When I got to school, almost all of the other kids were wearing jeans. I was heavily teased, and in retrospect, I realize that this was my first experience of being bullied. It made me feel self-conscious; I felt bad about myself. It was in sharp contrast to all the good feelings I had had in anticipation of the day.
Fast forward to this year. While hosting my weekly Facebook Live show, MSB TV, I experienced bullying again—this time cyberbullying. I was having a heart to heart conversation with my fans, the Bravehearts, about a 15-year old who has cancer. We come together weekly to share our wins, breakthroughs, and challenges and to support one another. In the midst of this space of deep connection with one another, I suddenly noticed an upsurge of new people who had never previously joined our conversation. Imagine my shock when I realized that we had been crudely disrupted by a “couch auction”. For those who may be unfamiliar, Urban Dictionary defines a “couch auction” as “a group of Facebook trolls who find random live streams and ask about an imaginary couch they are selling. When these trolls come in numbers of 20+, they are powerful.” This sudden harassment in the midst of a sincere conversation with my audience brought up feelings of helplessness in how to respond quickly and feelings of being bullied and violated. It was obvious to me that this group had shown up to instigate fear. I was aware that my fans were feeling similarly—it was an offensive invasion of privacy.
When the cyberbullying experience happened, it reminded me why I wrote my single “Can’t Quit”. I wrote “Can’t Quit” because I had a sports injury many years ago in Australia and the chronic pain that resulted led me to my spiritual journey. When I produced the music video “Can’t Quit”, I remembered my bullying experience and was introduced to a teen in my area whose performance in the music video “Can’t Quit” was powerful because he drew from his deep personal experience of being bullied. See “Can’t Quit” here:
I had no idea at the time that these bullying experiences or writing and performing “Can’t Quit” would eventually lead me to partner with an organization that I have the greatest respect for–PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center. “PACER Center of Minneapolis is an established nonprofit with an impressive reputation and 40 years of advocacy for its community. PACER’s National Bullying Prevention Center, a project of PACER Center, has been working since 2006 to change the culture around bullying, making significant progress so that bullying behavior is no longer seen as a rite of passage and helping the nation understand the serious impact that it has on young people.” The results of their actions are impressive! During the last fiscal year, there were 8.4 BILLION media impressions (awareness of the issue) and over 1 MILLION visits to their website https://www.pacer.org/bullying/ (education for the community).
So, out of several bullying experiences that challenged me during childhood and as an adult, a wonderful thing happened—connection and partnership with PACER. It is important to me to do my part in shining a light on bullying prevention and to help share what each of us can do to create a world without bullying. Did you know that 1 out of every 5 students reports being bullied? That statistic is shocking to me. And, PACER reports that “there are many who don’t report bullying and silently live through the heartbreaking experience of being hurt, harmed or humiliated, unable to stop what is happening to them. Students often become anxious or depressed, which only further affects their situation, leading to the loss of self-worth and self-confidence. The likelihood of mental and physical health issues increases, which can lead to other behaviors such as skipping school, self-harm, and self-medicating.”
PACER explains that “bullying is when children (or adults) continue their behavior when they realize it is hurting someone, and they are satisfied by a feeling of power and control. Types of bullying include verbal, emotional, physical, sexual, and cyber—using technology to hurt or harm.”
October is National Bullying Prevention Month and the signature event is UNITY Day on October 24th in 2018.
I recently had the pleasure of talking with Judy French who runs the Los Angeles office of PACER’s Bullying Prevention Center. She shared with me some very enlightening perspectives and truths on bullying that go straight to the heart of the matter.
“No one is born a bully. It is learned behavior. That behavior can be changed.”
~Judy French, PACER’s Bullying Prevention Center, Los Angeles
She said that children learn their social behavior from watching and viewing the social behaviors of people around them. They can’t learn any other way. Whether we have children or not, they are watching and learning to model our behaviors! So, it’s important for each of us to be conscious of and focused on our behaviors so that we are contributing to kindness, acceptance and inclusion, rather than contributing to bullying. When those positive behaviors are present, they create conditions for healthier communities where bullying can’t take hold. Each individual’s positive actions added to a neighbor, friend, or family member’s positive actions create a cumulative effect. This is a key to creating a world without bullying—person by person, community by community, step by step.
“Kindness is not spineless. It isn’t a weak thing. It isn’t about just being nice.
It’s an outward expression of inner strength.”
~Judy French
Every Step You Take
What are some of the steps that you can take?
- Creating a kind, welcoming space on your personal social media.
- Inclusion at work—inviting a new co-worker to join you for lunch.
- The list goes on and on…be creative and take the steps that work for you!
These seemingly small steps are actually BIG steps and take courage. Those on the receiving end of your kindness, acceptance, and inclusion will be affected in the most positive way. For some, it can even be life-changing. A tiny amount of kindness shown by you can have a profound ripple effect, and this creates a cumulative effect on creating a world without bullying, and it literally changes the picture of your world.
“It’s not helpful to label anyone as a “bully”. When you use that word, it sticks with them. Everything is fluid. In bullying situations, the dynamics can change quickly. Someone who is bullying another in the morning could turn around and be kind to someone in the afternoon, or that same person who was bullying could find himself as a target for bullying.”
~Judy French
In a world where you can be anything, what will you be?
I can only imagine if someone had reached out to me when I was being bullied in 8th grade how different that experience would have been.
Continually ask the questions, “Which thoughts and actions bring me and the people around me closer to love? Which thoughts and actions help liberate us from fear and anger? What step can I take today to help create a world of kindness, acceptance of differences, and inclusion?” There is something inside each of us that is far greater than any bullying instincts—the Divine lives in each of us.
During National Bullying Prevention Month—and throughout the year—The Good Men Project community is encouraged to engage and join the movement!
To donate to PACER, please visit:
https://pacer.ejoinme.org/MyPages/DonateToTheNationalBullyingPreventionCenter/tabid/229451/Default.aspx Your contribution helps PACER create innovative online content activities, curricula, and advocacy information for students, educators, and parents. Your gifts help PACER conduct outreach school visits, faculty/staff training, parent information sessions, and more.
I’m Going Orange for Unity Day and I hope you’ll join me!
Together against bullying. UNITED for kindness, acceptance and inclusion.
Photos: Courtesy of PACER Bullying Prevention Center.
Information and statistics on bullying and bullying prevention for this article were provided by PACER’s Bullying Prevention Center.