I recently asked a friend of mine what she was looking for in a partner.
“I just want a guy who I can have fun with.”
When I asked her to elaborate, she explained exactly what her idea of “fun” looked like.
“I guess…someone who can take me on trips outside the country, to nice restaurants, traveling to cool places, and just wants to live his best life with me.”
Basically — a walking piggy bank.
I could sense that we were not going to agree on the topic of dating, but I wanted to get to the bottom of her thoughts on this.
“So what would be in it for him?”
“He’d get me. A fun, spontaneous, pretty girl to spend his time with and keep him company.”
And what happens when he sees a young 21-year-old who he thinks is prettier and more fun? What then?
…
Dating for fun only gets you so far.
It only lasts so long before the fun and games come to an end. If the only reason why two people are together is for good times, that relationship is doomed to end as soon as the waters get rough.
Sure, having fun together, enjoying life, and doing activities that you both enjoy is a good start. But these things alone are not the foundation for any long-lasting relationship.
It would also be naive to ignore the ways that men and women are different when it comes to their perceived “value” in the dating market. Men are valued for their financial assets and stability, while women are valued for their youth, beauty, and exclusive access to their bodies.
I’m not saying this is right or that men and women should be valued for these things. But we have to operate under this assumption if we want to analyze how dating actually works.
So if you’re a woman who wants a man who can wine and dine you and wants you mainly because you’re young and beautiful — you will reap what you sow.
Being with a man who values youth and beauty above all else will always leave you at a disadvantage. These types of men aren’t long-term boyfriends or husbands.
And even if they are, they certainly aren’t loyal.
This is fine if you don’t want a long-term relationship and if you’re comfortable spending your best years with someone who will jump ship once the beauty fades.
But most women aren’t.
Not only are you risking being dumped once you are no longer at your “peak” but you will also find yourself with far fewer prospects than you had when you were younger.
This means that after a few months or years of “fun” or “spontaneous” flings, traveling, and living your best life, you will be forced to move over and make room for the hot new thing down the block.
This cycle won’t end either. You might ride it out for as long as you can, but by the time you reach your 40s, you might just discover the meaning of ‘mid-life crisis.’
Remember, there are beautiful, young girls turning 18 every day.
…
What should we do instead?
Dating for a “fun time” is only sustainable in the short term.
If you are looking for a life partner or a connection that isn’t as fickle as your feelings, you will need to build your relationships on a foundation of trust, shared values, and a desire for partnership.
Fun and pleasure are fleeting and will only keep you satisfied for a moment. You will find yourself on a never-ending cycle that might allow for short-term pleasure…in exchange for long-term emptiness.
It simply isn’t worth it.
—
This post was previously published on medium.com.
***
All Premium Members get to view The Good Men Project with NO ADS. Need more info? A complete list of benefits is here.
Compliments Men Want to Hear More Often | Relationships Aren’t Easy, But They’re Worth It | The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex | ..A Man’s Kiss Tells You Everything |
—–
Photo credit: Karsten Winegeart on Unsplash