Dad’s Birthday — June 29. Dad turned 85, and for two months, I wondered if he would make it. After he got sick and had to be rushed to the hospital on April 26, all I could think of was whether he would still be here on his birthday.
When Mom died in 2021, all I could think of was when my time would come.
Even now, there are days when I feel I no longer belong in this world. But on those days, Phi and Crocker, my fur babies, remind me that we are all here for a reason and that there is still joy to be experienced if you let life.
I always ask questions, and while Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living,” I have done it so excessively that I realized I haven’t lived my life as it was meant to be lived.
Sometimes, you have to let life be, and if you have enough faith, let God.
I want to remember Dad’s 85th birthday. It wasn’t as grand as I envisioned, considering it was a milestone.
He made a significant contribution to Philippine photography, but no one could have foretold the future. Today, he is a shadow of a man who was always ready to help anyone, even at the expense of his own family.
In the end, he celebrated his birthday confined to his bed but surrounded by family, as it should be.
For days leading up to his birthday, I could hardly function and even thought maybe I shouldn’t go. After Dad got hospitalized, I’m not okay with my siblings, but I have made peace with my decision to cut off ties with them.
What is important now is that Dad is taken care of. For how long is a question I should stop asking myself?
Again, the lesson I should keep reminding myself is to stop filling my mind with questions.
It stops me from living and doing what I should be doing with my life. As someone who will be 55 in a few days, I know that I am in the last quarter of my life. There is little time left to spend examining my life 24/7 because none of it matters now.
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Dad’s Birthday
I had to silence the voice telling me not to show up at his birthday, even if it meant seeing my siblings and potentially feeling hurt.
I knew Dad had little time left, and he would never be 85 again. Besides, there were still people I would enjoy seeing there, and I wasn’t wrong.
When I got there, Dad was in a cheerful mood and was about to share a glass of wine with my eldest sister. The wine was a gift from my nephew, who never fails to surprise me with how much he loves Dad, just as he loved Mom.
My niece and her husband flew in just for Dad’s birthday. They always go the extra mile, and it always warms my heart to see them.
My niece gave Dad a new Kindle, a device he embraced years ago when it was first released. He took his love for reading onto the device, carrying it with him everywhere, and I’m sure he lost a few over the years. He even gave me his old one when he upgraded to the latest model years ago.
Everyone took turns having short conversations with Dad, which usually ended where they started.
That’s how he is right now, and I’m not sure if he is aware of it or how much of him is still inside.
Again, more questions.
Dad was able to give a short speech while in bed.
I remember the times when he would give speeches at the end of every photography workshop his school conducted or at photography club meetings. His voice would always be full of excitement, but on his birthday, all that was left was a soft whimper. Yet, he was able to say thank you.
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Final Thoughts
Right now, I am busy preparing for my 55th birthday, not because I’m excited about getting old, but because it is time to change.
There are many reasons to celebrate life and be excited about living the unknown. I don’t want to keep asking questions because many times, what’s inside my head or the voices in my head never happen.
A lesson from Dad’s birthday is to let life happen, or if you are a believer, let God answer your questions in His time.
Dad, at 85, although I wish he were stronger and his mind 100% with us, is still here, and by the grace of God, he might walk again one day. Whatever reason he remains alive is no longer a question I ask myself. Instead, I pray for God to continue to give me the courage, grace, and understanding to accept, to be present, and to be loving.
While time is finite, it is also full of possibilities. Today, I stand ready to face the future.
Thank you for reading.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo courtesy of author.
