Do you ever find yourself thinking, “I need to learn how to receive”?
If so, you’re not alone.
Many people believe they’re bad at receiving, constantly questioning why they can’t seem to fully accept and appreciate what’s given to them.
But what if the problem isn’t with your ability to receive, but with the standards you’ve set for what you accept in your life?
Let’s pause and consider this more deeply. The life you currently have is a reflection of the standards you’ve established for yourself. If you want to start calling in what you truly desire, you need to level up those standards. This means recognizing and valuing your true desires, rather than settling for less than you deserve.
Something that fascinates me is the endlessly creative ways people can find to beat themselves up. Our inner critics are quite clever, but also kind of stupid. They come up with all kinds of reasons that we are terrible, no-good, very bad, and it’s easy to think they are right until we take what the inner critic says and look at it under the clear light of day.
Let’s take this old belief: “I need to learn how to receive.”
Have you ever said this to yourself? If so, let’s pause and think about it a little more clearly.
Babies are born knowing how to do one thing: how to receive. They reach out with every fiber of their being and, ideally, are met with tenderness, care, and affection.
So you already know how to receive. You were born knowing it.
It may be the case that as you grew, you reached out and were not met and did not get the things you wanted or needed. You learned to stop reaching out.
Or, you got what you reached for inconsistently, so you learned not to trust that it was coming or you worried that it would be taken away.
But neither of those things are issues with actually receiving. Those are issues about what you ask for and how often, and the reliability of other people. You still know how to receive.
The real issues I see with “not knowing how to receive” are that:
A lot of folks seem to believe that they are supposed to be grateful for whatever is offered.
And then they make themselves wrong when they can’t be grateful.
But that’s also not an issue with receiving. The problem here is that you have internalized the idea that you’re supposed to take whatever other people happen to throw your way… whether or not you actually want it.
I see people contort themselves trying to want the thing that is on offer, whether it’s bad sex, mediocre gifts, half-hearted listening, clothes that don’t fit quite right, inconsistent attention, raises that don’t cover the rise in the cost of living, being called a “hero” instead of addressing working conditions, or something else. You bend over backward trying to make whatever is on offer acceptable to you. When it feels hard, you think there’s something wrong with you.
It’s like putting on an itchy sweater, and then believing you’re “bad at wearing sweaters” because it feels bad. You are not bad at receiving.
YOU ARE NOT GETTING WHAT YOU WANT.
If you don’t want what is offered, it’s not a flaw in you. It’s just that you want something different.
You don’t have a problem with “receiving.” You want to receive what is good for you.
What living creature doesn’t want that?
Of course, there are times when what you want is not available, and others try to at least give you something because they like you, love you and/or want to keep you around. As a grown-ass adult who knows you won’t always get what you want, it’s appropriate at times to value the effort someone is making, even if it falls short of your desires.
However, this becomes a problem when you are always justifying why it’s okay, even when others consistently fall short, and make yourself wrong for not being able to “receive properly.”
This undermines your ability to notice what you really want. And it reinforces the idea that you want the wrong things, or want too much, when in reality, you probably want a lot of very reasonable things.
You have an inherent capacity to receive that you were born with, that you can trust and lean on.
Can you expand that capacity? Yes.
It helps to have other people offer you more of what you want. This can happen by asking for what you want, and also by surrounding yourself with people who seem genuinely interested in finding out what you want, even when you don’t know how to articulate it.
But the inside job is valuing and trusting your own desires as worthy, important, and specific to you. This means not convincing yourself that you want what you don’t actually want, and listening to what is bubbling up from inside of you.
The journey to understanding our ability to receive begins with the realization that we are not inherently flawed in this regard. The internal critic is adept at finding fault, convincing us that our struggles with receiving stem from an inherent deficiency within ourselves. But this is far from the truth. The art of receiving is embedded in our nature, rooted deeply within our earliest experiences.
Imagine a baby, arms outstretched, eyes wide with expectation. This is the purest form of receiving, untainted by the complexities and disappointments of life. As we grow, these early experiences can become marred by unmet needs and inconsistent responses. Perhaps you reached out, and your needs were not met, leading you to withdraw and cease reaching out. Or maybe what you received was so inconsistent that you learned not to trust that anything reliable was coming your way. These experiences shape our perception of receiving, but they do not erase our inherent ability to receive.
Understanding this distinction is crucial. The difficulties you face in receiving are not due to a deficiency in you, but rather the result of unreliable external factors and the patterns you developed in response. These patterns can make it challenging to receive, but they do not define your capacity to do so.
A significant barrier to receiving is the belief that we must be grateful for whatever is offered, regardless of whether it aligns with our needs and desires. This belief can lead us to accept subpar offerings — whether they be bad sex, mediocre gifts, or inadequate attention — and then blame ourselves for not being satisfied. But this is not a reflection of our ability to receive; it’s a reflection of the mismatch between what we are given and what we truly desire.
We are not bad at receiving; we are simply not getting what we want. This is a critical distinction. If you don’t want what is offered, it’s not a flaw in you. It’s just that you want something different. Every living creature seeks what is good for them; it’s a fundamental aspect of our nature.
There are times when what you want is not available, and others offer what they can in an attempt to meet your needs. As an adult, it’s important to recognize and appreciate these efforts, even if they fall short. However, this becomes problematic when you consistently justify inadequate offerings and make yourself wrong for not being able to “receive properly.” This behavior undermines your ability to recognize what you truly want and reinforces the notion that your desires are unreasonable or excessive when they are likely very reasonable.
Expanding your capacity to receive involves surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care about what you want and are interested in meeting those needs. It also involves asking for what you want clearly and assertively. But most importantly, it involves valuing and trusting your own desires. Your desires are worthy and important, and they are specific to you. Learning to listen to what is bubbling up from inside of you, rather than convincing yourself that you want what you don’t, is key to becoming better at receiving.
Incorporating the principles of the Law of Attraction can further enhance your ability to receive. The Law of Attraction states that like attracts like, meaning that positive or negative thoughts bring positive or negative experiences into a person’s life. By focusing on your true desires and maintaining a positive mindset, you can attract what you genuinely want into your life. Visualizing and affirming your desires can help align your energy with the outcomes you seek, making it easier to receive what you want.
The Bible also supports this notion in Matthew 7:7–8, where it says, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.” This passage emphasizes the importance of asking for what you desire and trusting that it will be provided. It reinforces the idea that our desires are valid and worthy of being met.
Ultimately, receiving is not about accepting everything that comes your way but about discerning what aligns with your true desires and needs. It’s about trusting that your wants are valid and worthy of being met. By shifting your perspective from self-blame to self-trust, you can reclaim your inherent ability to receive and open yourself up to the abundance that is available to you.
In essence, you are not bad at receiving. You have always known how to receive. It’s time to reconnect with that innate ability, to honor your desires, and to seek out what truly nourishes you. This journey of self-discovery and acceptance can transform your experience of receiving, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic life.
Ready to transform your life and attract what you truly desire?
Schedule your FREE Manifestation Call now! Limited spots are available, so don’t miss out on this opportunity to elevate your standards and embrace abundance. Click the link to book your session today!
https://calendly.com/fckyeslife/free-manifestation-call
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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From The Good Men Project on Medium
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Photo credit: Rene’ Schooler(Author)
