Paul Hudson laments the loss of love.
It’s funny how often “forever” seems to never last.
We all make promises, of course. We tell people we love them, we care for them, we could never live without them, but most of the time it turns out to be nothing more than empty, wishful thinking.
Yet, we need to make these sorts of promises. People need to feel a level of security in their relationship in order to be happy — it’s human nature. But are we ever really secure?
There are a hundred ways to lose the one you love, to get your heart broken; however, none are worse than getting cheated on. Cheating is something I never condoned nor, to be honest, understood.
If you don’t care enough for the person you claim to love to keep it in your pants, then you may need to rethink how much you actually care about him or her.
Don’t give me any of that “I have needs” crap; we all have needs. The person you’re with has needs – he or she needs you to be loyal.
Being cheated on is arguably the worst feeling in the world, emotionally speaking of course. It can be detrimental. I was cheated on once in my life — that I know of — and it’s not an experience I’m eager to repeat.
If the person you’re in love with cheats on you… words can barely do the pain justice. But I’m going to do my best and try anyway.
At first, you don’t want to believe what you’re hearing.
Most people find out their partner cheated or has been cheating on them from a third-party source. Rarely do people have the courage to own up to their actions and be the ones to tell their partners what they did.
Most often, you’re never actually meant to find out. Most cheaters are chronic cheaters — this is why we have the saying, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
While this is a bit too broad to be true in every case, the fact is many of those who cheat do so because they believe it’s OK to do so. So they do it regularly.
Chronic cheaters will never be the ones to own up to what they did, so hearing it from your friends can be… difficult. You’re likely to not even believe them in the first place, trying to rationalize with yourself, thinking that they must — for whatever reason — be trying to sabotage your relationship.
When I was cheated on, I didn’t find out from friends. I heard it directly from the source. And you know what? It was still hard for me to believe.
I just didn’t want to accept what had happened because as soon as you accept it, it becomes real. And once it becomes real, so does the pain.
Your world, as you knew it, crumbles.
The ground beneath your feet begins to fall away into the abyss, and you’re left with nothing to hold on to.
It’s one thing if someone you’re casually or semi-formally dating cheats on you, and it’s another when the man or woman you love decides you are no longer good enough for him or her.
Because that’s what it means, doesn’t it? You loved this person with all your heart, and it turns out that you were only being delusional. The reality that you created for yourself has vanished in an instant, and you feel completely and utterly lost.
Your entire future has just been rewritten — and you now have no idea how the book is going to end. That’s the worst part of being cheated on.
It’s not necessarily that your ego gets hurt and bruised that rocks your world; It’s that the entire future you planned for yourself disappears, and you don’t know where to go from here.
Your ego gets hurt, and you begin to question yourself.
You begin to wonder if you are as great of a catch as you thought you were. You thought you were smart, good looking, caring, loving, a great pick for a life partner.
But then the person you loved, the person you decided to dedicate yourself to, throws you to the side of the road as if you were garbage.
Having someone dump you is one thing. Sometimes things just don’t work out, and you have no choice but to accept the situation as it is. But getting cheated on is different. Getting cheated on is a clear message saying you are the problem — that you just aren’t good enough.
Half the time, people cheat on their partners with one-night stands — complete strangers. How else can you take such an act? You’ve basically been told the person you love would prefer sleeping with just about anyone else than sleeping with you.
The worst part is you’re likely to begin to believe you aren’t good enough. You’re likely to question yourself, question the person you are, the choices you’ve made in life.
This can be an earth-shattering experience, as we all take pride in being the people we are. Yet, how can you continue being proud of yourself when you basically just got spat in the face and kicked to the curb?
You do your best to figure out a way to keep going.
After a few months of wallowing in your own misery, you’re going to have to put yourself back together again. Some will decide to get a better grasp on their lives and reality, to focus on themselves and their work.
Others will decide that what they really need in their lives at this moment is a bit of debauchery — completely understandable under such circumstances.
The hardest part, of course, is going to be letting go of the ones you love. Just because they cheated on you doesn’t necessarily mean you stopped caring for them. In fact, that’s rarely the case.
People tend to want to hold on tighter whenever they’re being pushed away. It’s not the smartest of habits, but it is one that most people have in common.
If you loved someone, moving on is always difficult. Possible, but difficult. He or she cheating on you will likely make it a bit easier, as you can focus all those negative and aggressive emotions in his or her direction, but at the same time, the pain you feel will only further remind you of what this person means to you.
Or meant to you. You’re still uncertain of which it is.
by Paul Hudson
About the author
A young writer, philosopher, and entrepreneur, Paul Hudson (@MrPaulHudson) has been writing for Elite Daily nearly since the start. He primarily addresses the successes and downfalls of love and life.