You’ve gotten to the point in your marriage where you’re ready to separate, and late at night, you search on your computer “divorce counseling near me.” Maybe, you’re prepared to do this, or perhaps, you’re terrified. It’s not easy for some people to separate from their partner. It can be terrifying, but searching for a divorce counselor is a brave move whether you’re terrified or not because you know that you’re doing something that’s going to make you and your partner feel better in the long run rather than staying in a marriage where you’re both miserable. Where can you find a divorce counselor near you? Before we get to that question, let’s acknowledge the fact that you want to get divorced.
Why do people get divorced?
Once you’ve decided to search for a divorce counselor, you may not know where to look. It’s understandable that you want to keep the mater private. You might not be comfortable sharing that you’re getting separated with your family. Maybe you’re still trying to figure out how this could happen to you. It’s comforting to know that you’re not alone. Many people separate and get divorced. You’re wondering why other people get divorced. You have your reasons, but there are many different reasons why people get divorced. In the United States alone, 40-50% of couples get divorced every year. These are some of the common reasons that married couples get divorced:
- Communication issues
- Getting married too young
- Financial matters
- Substance abuse
These issues are things that can make it hard for people to stay married, and they might work on their relationships in couples counseling, but in some cases, all of the counseling in the world won’t fix a marriage. It’s important to know that there’s nothing wrong with you if you’re getting a divorce; sometimes, it’s the best and healthiest option.
Can you predict if you will get divorced or not?
You never know whether you’ll get divorced or not. People go into marriage thinking that you’re the perfect match for each other, but you can’t always predict the future. Things happen in life that are unexpected. John Gottman is a psychologist and researcher who looked into understanding why marriages fail. Gottman found that the reasons most marriages fail had to do with how the people in the marriage related to one another. These are the typical offenders in why people got divorced:
- Harsh criticism (partners criticizing each other harshly, or one partner is extremely critical of the other, and there are more criticisms than positive affirmations)
- Lack of respect (when you don’t feel respected, you don’t want to stay in the relationship)
- Defensiveness (when partners don’t want to take responsibility for their actions, and they aren’t accountable. When they do this, they don’t appear to be empathetic towards their partner.)
- Stonewalling (avoiding when your partner is upset, angry, or sad. If you shut down and won’t talk about a problem, you’re unable to resolve the argument.)
Gottman called these the “Four Horsemen.” If you experience one of these in your relationship, it doesn’t mean that you’re going to get a divorce, but it needs to be addressed in counseling.
Where do you find a divorce counselor?
Maybe you’ve never heard of a divorce counselor before. They are mental health professionals who want to help couples peacefully separate. They can help talk through difficult issues such as custody (if you have children), finances, infidelity, resentment and intimacy problems. Divorce is an emotional process and having someone mediate the emotional component of it can help. You can search for a divorce counselor through your insurance company, if you have mental health benefits, you can ask your therapist if they have a referral recommendation, or you might feel comfortable enough to ask your friends or family for a recommendation. Another option is to search for a divorce counselor who works with couples online. There any many competent mental health professionals who can help navigate the complexities of divorce.
Finding a divorce counselor can help during separation
Whether you work with a divorce counselor online or in private practice, working through the issues surrounding divorce with a mental health professional can be extremely helpful rather than ignoring them. You want to make sure that you separate peacefully and a divorce counselor is a mental health professional who can help you do that. Whether children are involved or not, divorce is tricky, which is why it’s crucial that you work through it with someone who understands it.
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