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Lower Your Standards? [Video]

Have you ever worried that you’re being too picky?

January 5, 2021 by Matthew Hussey Leave a Comment

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Happy Holidays,

I hope you’re having a beautiful time wherever you are, and whatever (potentially modified) version of the holidays you are having right now. I’m sending you love, lots of love.

As we roll into the New Year, it seems like as good a time as any to talk about our standards. We think of a new year as being a time where we reset our standards, don’t we?

And yet, have you ever worried that you’re being too picky?

And have you ever wondered if this “pickiness” is the thing that’s stopping you from finding a relationship?

I was on stage when a woman stood up and asked: “Matthew, should I listen to my mum and lower my standards?”

It’s a hard thing trying to figure out if the reasons you are rejecting people are valid, or if they represent an “unreasonable” standard that you need to let go of.

I hope this new video provides a little clarity…

Happy Holidays again, friend. I’m thinking of you more than ever right now.

Transcript provided by YouTube:

00:00

so i’ve been told that i have really

00:02

high standards

00:03

and my mom of all people told me to

00:06

lower my standards a little bit because

00:08

i can be

00:09

nitpicky a bit like i can get a text

00:12

message saying how are you but then it

00:14

spelled out with the letters r

00:15

and u and i’m like oh this is not going

00:17

to work out yeah no

00:19

because reading and writing is like a

00:21

huge part of my life

00:22

and reading that kind of text message is

00:25

like blasphemy for me

00:26

so i get it in this context so what’s

00:30

your

00:30

question is when when is your standard

00:32

too high no

00:33

my question here would be like in this

00:35

context should i listen to my mom and

00:37

lower my standards

00:39

okay there’s two aspects to this one is

00:44

we have to look at again self-awareness

00:47

what are the things that are really

00:48

important to me okay

00:51

i know that for me kindness is

00:53

everything

00:55

everything if i go on a date with

00:58

someone

00:59

and i feel like there’s a mean edge to

01:02

them

01:03

if i get on a date and they’re already

01:06

gossiping

01:07

about people in a nasty way

01:11

i’m out like i’m just not

01:14

interested it’s not even that i’m

01:16

sitting there judging someone intensely

01:19

i i just kindness is so

01:22

so so important to me that it doesn’t

01:24

matter how attractive someone is in

01:26

every other way

01:27

if they don’t show that i don’t want to

01:29

know

01:31

um you have to decide what your

01:35

deal breakers are what are the things

01:38

that

01:39

you can’t live without and

01:42

is someone saying are or you a

01:45

reflection of genuinely bad

01:48

a low level of eloquence

01:52

is it really reflective of someone who

01:54

cannot articulate

01:55

ideas well or is it someone just writing

01:59

quickly

02:00

i guess we’ll know when you go on a date

02:02

with that person right

02:04

and you see whether they can actually

02:05

articulate their ideas

02:08

there might be a level of instant

02:10

judgment that happens there that’s not

02:13

necessarily fair to impose on the person

02:16

i don’t think you’re totally wrong i

02:19

think you

02:19

sometimes and often people who

02:22

are shortening everything in that way

02:25

may not value language to the same

02:27

extent but we don’t know that

02:29

so you may want to say okay rather than

02:31

me

02:32

too early judge this let me get on the

02:36

phone

02:36

that’s the other thing like here’s what

02:38

i would do if i were you

02:40

i’d say it’s not really that someone

02:43

says

02:43

you that bothers me what bothers me

02:46

is if they’re not articulate bothers me

02:50

if they can’t is if they can’t express

02:52

themselves well right if they don’t have

02:54

a good command of language

02:57

that’s what bothers me so how do i learn

03:00

that quickly and this is something i

03:02

want to tell all of you because it’s so

03:04

important

03:06

i i have a strong belief that

03:09

not always because i don’t like rules

03:13

but as a principle i think is worth

03:16

getting on the phone with someone before

03:17

you go on a date with them

03:19

okay because i can figure out on

03:23

a 15-minute phone call whether

03:27

i even want to go on a date with this

03:29

person

03:30

and i’m gonna see if we actually have a

03:32

vibe at all

03:34

facetime even better like if i can

03:37

actually get on a video call with

03:38

someone and have that

03:40

even better but some people are too

03:42

scared to facetime

03:45

but if you can get on a video with

03:47

someone

03:48

even better because i’m now seeing if we

03:50

have any rapport and it’s going to save

03:52

me a whole evening of my life

03:55

i would get on the phone with that guy

03:58

have a conversation

03:59

and see if this guy expresses himself in

04:01

a way that’s attractive to you

04:03

if he does go on the date ignore the

04:05

text if he doesn’t

04:06

then you have a real answer as opposed

04:09

to trying to read so much into one

04:11

little aspect

04:12

makes sense yeah it does so that so the

04:15

deal the

04:15

compromise between you and your mom is

04:18

all right ma

04:18

i’ll get on the phone to him oh okay

04:21

i’ll speak to him on the phone

04:23

but that doesn’t mean i’m going to give

04:24

him a whole night of my life right now

04:26

yeah right thank you thank you so much

04:50

you

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Photo credit: Screenshot from video

About Matthew Hussey

Relationship Expert Matthew Hussey
Matthew Hussey is the world’s leading dating expert for women.

For the past 8 years he has coached millions of women around the world to help them get the love lives of their dreams.

He is a New York Times bestselling author, he has his own national radio show, he’s been given his own television show, Rachael Ray, Katie Couric, Ryan Seacrest, Meredith Vieira, Elvis Duran, Match.com and many others frequently invite him to share his advice.

Matthew is also a monthly relationship advice columnist for Cosmopolitan Magazine and the dating expert on ABC’s digital series What To Text Him Back.

He’s had the privilege of working with royalties and celebrities like Christina Aguilera and Eva Longoria. He’s also coached over 100,000 women in his live seminars and his training videos have reached over 217,000,000 women around the world.

Connect with him on Facebook, Twitter @MatthewHussey, and on his website, HowToGetTheGuy.com.

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