ESPN SportsCenter Anchor 58-year-old Scott Van Pelt was a guest on New Heights with hosts NFL star brothers Travis Kelce and Jason Kelce. Travis acknowledged Scott’s graciousness when they first met, when Travis played in a College All-Star football game. Scott said he only did what his Dad taught him, “Treat superstars like they’re normal people. Treat normal people like they’re superstars.” Scott’s father passed away when he was in college. Dad was a good man.
Scott described getting ready to call the Masters Golf Tournament. He told about his preparation in the last 30 seconds before he goes on air.
“My mind is still. My heart is grateful, and I think of my Father… I think, ‘Man, if my father were here.’…They say a young man who loses his father early in life spends the rest of his life trying to make him proud. And I know for damn sure sitting in the chair (at Augusta) that my pop is proud of his Boy.”
I cried. I’m 63 years old. I wondered if I made my Dad proud, too. I’m guessing that Scott’s relationship with his Dad was not like mine with my Dad. Still as a son, we want to know that we made our fathers proud.
Since I was a little boy, Dad scared the hell out of me. I wasn’t the son he wanted. I was his greatest disappointment in life. I was not good enough for Dad. I never would be. I would never be good enough for anyone else, including me. I spent much of my adult life proving that I was good enough. Proving that I was good enough to be loved. Good enough to be loved by Dad. Yet, being more of anything, would never be enough. That’s just the human design. That’s just life.
Dad wasn’t going to teach me how to be a good man, so I had to find someone who would. For over 25 years, the late Mizukami Sensei taught me Aikido, what it is to be a good man, and be of service, until he passed away. Sensei said, “Just train.” It wasn’t like I had to get somewhere or be someone else. For the first time in my life, being me was good enough. Sensei became a father to me.
In Aikido, Mizukami Sensei said, “Wait it out. Enter the attack. Take a glancing blow if you have to. You’re not always going to get away scot-free. It’s one time.” He taught me to take a risk, take a hit for what’s meaningful to me. That’s being a good man. That’s having a meaningful life.
Mizukami Sensei taught Ishibashi Sensei and me. Now, Ishibashi Sensei teaches me Aikido and to be a good man. I’m Godan (5th degree black belt), because of Mizukami Sensei and Ishibashi Sensei.
Ishibashi Sensei said, “The purpose of Aikido is to release your fear.” He said, “The safest place to be is under the attack, in the danger.” When the bigger stronger man attacks me, I wait it out. I enter the attack and die with honor. I hold my position. I make my timing. I open up. I let go my fear inside that I’m not good enough. I make the attacker defend. I make what I fear defend. I apply the Aikido technique to myself, not to the attacker. O-Sensei Morihei Ueshiba said, “True victory is victory over oneself.” It’s me against me. I work on myself, not on the attacker, not on others. It was never me against Dad. I had to work on myself.
About 15 years ago, in Sunday morning Aikido practice, Mizukami Sensei told me, “You’re a better teacher than me.” In all honesty, I was not. Still, I thought, “Man, I made him proud.” Sensei was the most important Man on Planet Earth to me. I love him always. He still stands beside me.
I work with my therapist Lance Miller to heal my childhood trauma and depression, heal my relationship with Dad, even though he passed away. I forgive Dad for not knowing how to be a father, for being afraid inside too, and for being imperfectly human. As bad as I had it from Dad, he got it far worse from his Dad. He only did to me what his Dad did to him. He didn’t know any better. I forgive myself for not being strong enough to protect Mom when I was a little boy, and for being imperfectly human too. I love myself for who I am and forgive myself for who I’m not.
Years ago, my spiritual advisor and chiropractor Victor Shibata asked me to write a letter to Dad to thank him for being my father. I thought, “WTF?” Still, I wrote the letter. I thanked Dad for providing for the family, for sending me to Iolani School, for college and graduate school. I was a Systems Engineer and Aikido Sensei. Because of Dad, I had a good life.
I gave my letter to Dad on our Alaska fishing trip. For 17 years, Dad and I spent a week in Kenai, Alaska fishing together. He passed away a few years after that. Dad read my letter. He never spoke about it. Still, I knew he kept that letter until the day he died. I was 53 years old when Dad passed away.
In my Dad’s eulogy, I said, “I like to think that Dad is fishing for sockeye salmon at his favorite spot on the banks of Kenai River. That he is happy. That he is at peace. I love you, Dad.”
Regardless, all parents want their children to have a happy life. I have a life that I love. I’m of service to others and get to make a difference. I have a meaningful life. Yeah, I think Dad would be proud of his Boy.
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Photo: Unsplash
