“Don’t you hate how unfair it is to be a man?”
In my role as a dating coach, I’ve been asked this question several times.
Clients will tell me about the power imbalance in dating. They’ll bemoan having to put all the effort in to land a girlfriend. They’ll explain how women are living on ‘recruit difficulty’.
If you get frustrated about this, I’ve got some advice for you.
Accept the truth
Yes.
Most women will expect you to approach them, carry the conversation, organise a date, make the date fun and push the relationship forwards physically.
That’s your role as a man.
Women don’t feel comfortable taking the lead like this — and they don’t need to.
Because some guy will always be willing to make everything happen for them.
It’s a fact of life that’ll never change.
So, why complain about it? It achieves nothing.
Surely it’s better to accept the hand you’re dealt and play it as best you can?
Be a problem-solver instead of a whiny child.
Look on the bright side
Personally, I love that men are expected to do the approaching.
Because that puts me in control of my dating destiny.
It also gives me an advantage since most men are too afraid to do it.
If you can learn to approach women in a smooth and respectful way, you’ll give yourself an edge over most men as well.
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Women are expected to wait to be chosen by the man they want.
If they make the first move, they are often judged as being too ‘easy’.
So, most feel forced to wait until a man deems them physically attractive enough.
They know that less men will be inspired to approach them as their looks fade.
They’re also aware that their fertility starts dropping once they reach their 30s, so they often feel rushed to find the right man before it’s too late.
That’s got to suck.
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A man’s appearance is important, but we’re also judged by many personality traits.
That’s another reason we’re in control of our romantic fortunes.
If we’re not good-looking, we can become successful, strong, funny, brave, charismatic etc.
If a woman is born ugly, that harms her chances more than it would a man.
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Women are judged so harshly by their appearance.
That’s why many feel compelled to spend hours making themselves up before they go to the club, on a date or even to work.
Men need to take a shower, put on a clean shirt, gel their hair and they’re ready.
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There’s more on my list of things women have to put up with.
How about…
- being physically weaker than the men they’re attracted to;
- risking carrying a human baby inside them every time they have sex;
- being shamed if they have sex too quickly or with too many people;
- most modern men being too creepy or too weak to handle their emotional needs.
And these are just the situations related to dating.
But guys, tell me again how you have to make the first move and face a potential rejection…
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Oh, here’s one more.
How about dealing with ‘players’ who pretend to want a relationship, have sex with her and then never talk to her again?
A one-night stand is awesome for a man because there’s little risk and he feels like he achieved something. Not so for a woman.
She has just put her physical health, emotional health and reputation at risk. All for the man to bounce.
Women have to cope with rejection too, guys.
They just get it on the back end, after a liar has played with her heart and f*cked her.
Still feel like it’s “unfair” being a man?
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Stop seeing it as “work”, start seeing it as fun
I really enjoy approaching women and flirting with them. Perhaps you can tell from my Medium posts.
It creates a sense of excitement, tension and serendipity in my life. I feel like a sexual alchemist.
I am giving women the gift of my presence.
Sure, receiving gifts is fun. But so is giving. Arranging a date is another great gift you can give a woman.
Then, you get to discover the results of your actions…will it be a harsh rejection or will she become the love of your life?
When you teach yourself to stop caring what other people think of you, the former is just a mild disappointment.
Either way, it’s more exciting than doing nothing and never knowing what would have happened.
The problem is: most men don’t see approaching women as giving a gift. They view it as asking for a gift.
They approach women purely because they want something, rather than also enjoying the approach itself.
Of course it’s going to feel like work with that attitude!
If you can learn to start appreciating the thrill of the chase, the “work” of romancing a woman becomes a lot more fun.
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My book ‘The Thrill Of The Chase’ explains how I learned to overcome heartbreak, enjoy the single life and start dating the women I always wanted. Consider it a summary of the key lessons I learned studying men’s dating advice. You can learn more by clicking here or watching the video below.
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: Patrik Velich on Unsplash