Men and women use different compartments of their brains, making the world wild and the wilderness bitter when not acknowledged appropriately. However, the differences are beautiful when understood thoughtfully and with love.
Keeping aside attraction, we often find men craving for admiration and constant approval. Their behavior often comes forth as insecurities because we portray men as masculine with a severe heart and a smart mind. We often label them narcissists — they are all about themselves, that is what we say.
There are certainly some men who are narcissists, that is true. However, just like women need validation and reassurance from their partners, men do also. But the way men grow-up and the expectations of how men are supposed to perform are often not justified. Meanwhile, a woman seeking constant admiration appears as “needy.”
Why do women seek approval, admiration, and validation from their partners?
Women are taught and brought up with a sense of sacrifice, compromises, and giving. They are allowed to develop understanding and be compassionate. Their needs and desires often come second to others in the family.
If they have brothers, then women become their guardians and shelter of love next to the mother, which accompanies lots of giving. Sometimes this disregards their own identity for the man’s sake in the family.
In certain cultures and family lifestyles, women’s education over men is still a questionable and brainstorming decision. Their desires often come to an end with seeking a husband, bearing children, and taking care of the family at the end of the day. Most often than not, these decisions come with a toll on the woman’s desires and aspirations, and freedom.
From my perspective, when I get intimate with someone — both sexually and mentally, that person will be the one I will look upon for support and faith. I am letting go of my family and my bar to stay with him. I am choosing him for the rest of the significant timeline. The man is my safe harbor, and I can share, expect, as well as give without hesitation. I can fulfill my suppressed desires with this person.
Hence, acknowledgment and approval from the man come naturally as a part of self-love. Women tend to rely on the man, not just for fulfilling material needs, but the unconditional acceptance and space to let her be herself. Which somehow she might have lacked while growing up.
Why do men seek approval, admiration, and validation from their partners?
Men, in general, develop dominance as a significant part of their outlook. They are driven by competition and strength, using those qualities to define their masculinity. Society expects men to be bold, capable, and territorial for family, values, and career. We display them across various media as the ones who make the decisions and protect the family.
Sometimes we fail to understand that not all men want to feel territorial or have to portray their masculinity to fit society’s definition. Nevertheless, men receive much pampering, affection, and admiration in their upbringing; they still crave approval from their significant other.
The bar for expectations towards men is always higher than average. Thus, a lot of pressure to please family and society finds men to cave more than women. Even though lifestyle may be changing, where women stand equivalent to men. Yet, while dating and seeking a life partner, men still hold the attitude of being the family’s primary provider.
Admiration is essential in such a scenario as a validation for their hard work and efforts to please the woman to accept him over several others. Even so, he also feels like a winner when his charisma allures a woman.
Men look forward to the women he loves and admires as the place for warmth and acceptance, even when the world is full of competition and hardships. Initially, he sought the same from his mother, and now the next shade is the woman he desires. Caving is a natural part of men, and to feel accepted during those phases is vital as much as for a woman to feel secured as “she is the one” and “he did it right.”
So far, what I have learned.
Regardless of who we are in our foundation, there are overall characteristics that men and women exhibit individually. Society asks us to define ourselves by following and embracing certain behaviors as part of the respective genders.
However, we forget it should not matter. It does not matter whether I am more or less feminine. Similarly, it should not matter whether the man is too masculine or not-whether he is alpha or beta.
It becomes challenging when one has to abide by specific rules of behaviors and expectations because we are all unique in our ways. From movies to magazine covers, we display particular characteristics or features of men. In real life, the deal may be different. And that’s where approval becomes essential.
From my dating experiences so far and the knowledge I re-gained based on reading and talking with men. Men need validations almost always. Following any rejections, they need someone to fulfill the space — either by listening or by sexual means. As soon as they arrive in a new place, they need people around them to help them grow and show the ability to socialize. They need to boost their ego almost every second to make them realize they are still a man and can achieve whatever they want in life.
Hence, the need to find someone compassionate and emotionally mature is essential for men, in general.
In family or friends, the approval allows them to acknowledge that they are still loved. Because yes, they have a hard time understanding women. Hence, it’s a task. As well since most of the time, they are given the most tedious tasks to perform.
In most cases, we often respond to men rigidly and strictly because of their erratic behaviors. However, the action arises as an emotional response because they know how the world/society perceives them — like creatures who may be reckless and arrogant, and players — hence, hard to read.
The important thing is we need to feel comfortable and confident to be who we are and who we love to be with the person we desire. Behave the way we love ourselves and not how the man or woman wants us to please them. Admiration and approval will develop naturally and automatically.
Meanwhile, it is also essential to understand where the man and woman are coming from when situations arise where validations do not seem to be enough for the other person. There can be different love languages as well as there can be family values that may be very important to him/her.
This post was previously published on Medium.
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