In these coronavirus times, I’m seeing some remarkable things.
Men are getting real, vulnerable, removing their masks and exposing their fears on a mass cultural level like never before.
I don’t ever recall New York Times columnist David Brooks speak so intimately.
Would you be willing to describe how the coronavirus is affecting your mental health? Is the combination of isolation and existential stress making you feel more depressed and anxious? Or is the family togetherness and the pause from normal life giving you a greater sense of belonging and equilibrium?
I’m seeing a parallel between these coronavirus times and my regular work of helping men save or leave their marriage.
And it’s this… The Rupture.
The rupture marks a clear break from life before the rupture and after.
Before you knew your marriage was in the shit tank. And after, when you were willing to confront it and do something about it.
Before COVID-19, when you thought you loved your wife. And after, hours in the house together, wondering, who is this woman?
And this is the rupture.
And for those of us who see it…
…the shit previously buried deep now rising to the top
… the chance to see from afar our everyday marital drama
… the opportunity to call ourselves out and say, jeez, that’s what I’ve been burying, hiding from, escaping from in my marriage.
For those of us willing to look, the rupture provides a huge opportunity.
And so we may ask…
- What kind of marriage have I been in?
- What kind of man have I been with her?
- Have I been hiding in work, the kids, coexisting with her as a roommate, and not actually been in my marriage?
More and more these days, I’m hearing about marriages coming apart. It’s sad and yet men (and even more women – watch out guys) are getting free…. coming unhinged… an awakening like never before.
But before you unhinge completely and leave your marriage, ask again…
- Am I just on the high on the rupture?
- Am I running towards an illusion of freedom that’s really the same old shit?
- Or am I seeing my stuff, my old marital patterns, my shadows?
To know the answers… Seize the opportunity of the rupture. Take a pause and look at how you’re willing to show up or not with your wife.
Don’t just unhinge, unhook.
Unhook from your old self.
Unhook from old marital dramas.
Unhook from who you were before the rupture.
And do the work. Go deeper.
Previously Published on stuartmotola.com