Midlife Crisis: Should You Divorce?

hey brother it’s Dan with good guys to

Great Men thanks again for watching

today I wanted to talk a little bit

about midlife today midlife why do I

want to talk about midlife because

there’s this point in life and breny

brown describes it like this I’ve got it

up in front of me no one explains that

when you hit midlife there’s an urgent

drive to live the life you want to live

not the one you’re supposed to live

right and so we speak to guys who are

currently dealing with something that

has changed or something that is

changing and in particular it’s their

relationship that’s mostly changing and

so it’s having an effect on them their

life is changing their ability to create

what they want in the future is changing

their access to their children is

changing their financial situation is

changing and all of it seems to be

completely out of their control so what

am I talking about when we come to

midlife yeah there’s this point where we

start re

reanalyzing um revisioning what life is

supposed to be like and we start

recognizing that I’ve been living this

this life up until now that was given to

me or this Viewpoint of this life was

given to me by somebody else was given

to me by my parents was given to me by

my upbringing was given to me by my

schooling that things should go a

certain way you know we talk about this

all the time with regards to I’m I’m the

I am the dad I am the husband I am the

provider I am the grass cutter I am the

dog walker all these roles that we play

without even read

choosing them deliberately we’ve kind of

gone into this automated role and this

is what life looks like and so then

somebody one person in the relationship

kind of wakes up or or has this point in

time where they go well hang on a minute

is this it is this it is there anything

else uh I’m not sure that this is what I

want I’m not sure that this is the

person I want to be so when we talk

about this sometimes I talk about it

with regards to energy you know energy

is either flowing or energy is getting

stuck and so in this situation what’s

happening somebody is feeling stuck they

don’t have any Direction they don’t have

any they’re not evolving as a person

they’re not growing as a person and so

yeah they start rebelling they don’t

like that feeling it’s an uncomfortable

tension it’s a frustration it’s yeah the

energy is not moving through their body

they’re not going anywhere and so yeah

they start looking around and this is

where you start seeing all sorts of

strange Behavior like needing space like

feeling smothered like uh spend spending

time on their phone all the time like

being Snappy and snarky and or closed

off not not being as open seeming like

you’re less of a priority to people so

why am I talking about this because I

want you to recognize that these are

signs these signs that the other person

the other person is exhibiting in your

relationship these are signs you should

be paying attention to but where we

normally go wrong is oh these signs are

signs that I need to grab on titter

signs that I need to you know put in

boundaries and control the situation and

get it back to where it should be as it

was before and I want you to look at

those signs and go huh what if these are

signs that I should be paying attention

to for me because yeah midlife is a

point where you get to look at

everything and go is this what I want

right is this who I want to be what do I

want is there more could I be more is

this career what I want you know so many

people that we speak to they’re in a

situation where they’re just going

through the motions I’ve got to this

point in my career I’m earning decent

money I’ve got a decent house and I’m

kind of numb I don’t really have any

enthusiasm any motivation and I’m not

going anywhere and yeah I could carry on

up the ladder but it’s for what right

there’s nothing really fulfilling

there’s nothing really juicy in it for

them and so this is what I want you to

start thinking about for you the

questions that you ask of the other

person why are you doing this why you

behaving like that aren’t we important

what what about the kids all this stuff

should be asking that about yourself why

am I doing this what do I want is there

more what do you want this is where we

start with most guys what do you want

and most of us talk about the things

that we don’t want rather than being

able to go here’s what I want I want

more inspiration I want more motivation

I want more enthusiasm I want more

passion I want more fun I want more life

after I want more engagement in all the

different areas of my life okay so that

sounds good what does that look like

what does it look like do you even know

have you got a plan and I’m not talking

about a plan to achieve certain goals

because as humans yes we do really enjoy

having a goal but the problem is if it’s

just a goal to achieve that goal when

you get there now you got to find

something else or Life Starts becoming

dull and boring there needs to be

something underlying that direction

there needs to be something that is like

a purpose or a meaning yeah so meaning

what does give you meaning when you

start getting really you know a good

grasp of meaning for you what does what

does meaning in life mean for you what

do would mean for you to grow and evolve

as a human as a man right what would

that look like and that can be in all

different areas I know I talk about this

all the time you know with your kids

what would it mean to you to create a

specific relationship path with each of

your kids what would that look like what

would it mean to you to create specific

relationship path with your partner what

would that look like how do you want it

to feel what do you want it to sound

like look like smell like taste like

this is really important because if you

don’t have this information down you’re

always looking at somebody else to make

it happen and you are always chasing it

and so you’re going to be miserable

you’re going to be frustrated you’re

going to feel stagnant you’re the person

that’s in control of your life you’re

the person that can make happen and

most of us don’t realize that everybody

else is responding to us all the time we

don’t realize how much power and

motivation we can give to other people

but first you got to find it in yourself

first you got to be in a stable place be

in full control of your emotions in full

control of your direction and not again

because I need to prove it to anybody

else or because should do it but because

there’s something I’m doing here that is

really intriguing me it’s really

interesting and it’s making me want to

learn more it’s making me want to grow

more it’s making me want to find out

more and investigate more it’s it’s

curious so I want you to be curious

about where your life is going and who

you’re becoming as a man and that is

what I love to do and what Steve loves

to do when we talk to guys is to really

get into that who are you like who who

are you who do you want to become what

does that mean for you most of us don’t

know and it’s a really interesting and

fun process to find it out okay that’s

it for today Take Care by guys bye