Did you ever date a woman who fell off the face of the earth for no reason? You guys seemed to be having a great time. Most of the time, you connected really well, and things seemed to be going somewhere. You know you didn’t do anything to disrespect her. Yet for no reason that you can discern, she disappears in a cloud of excuses and subject-changes.
Why does anyone do this? Right after I give you a disclaimer, I’m going to let you in on the answer. That answer is the core secret behind almost any woman’s response to you.
Disclaimer: Some people, male or female, just have no regard for other people. Sometimes people ghost you because they’re looking for something, and you don’t have it. They don’t care how you feel about it. Really, you’re lucky when people like that ghost you. Also, hey, if it’s only the first or second date, it’s not really ghosting. It’s just that there was nothing there in the first place.
Anyways– here it is: Women know how you will treat them by observing how you treat life.
Before I explain that, let’s take a step into the shoes of your average woman. Let’s empathize here.
Let’s assume you’re an attractive woman. Not only are you naturally beautiful, but you know how to look your best. You have guys approaching you all the time. Your neighbors hit on you. You can’t get through a class without the guy next to you distracting you with conversation. At work, the grocery store, and at the doctor’s office, you are constantly being propositioned by men. After a few years of this, and after being burned by a couple of guys, you learn one all important lesson:
You cannot trust anything that a guy says to you.
So women don’t make decisions about who to date and marry based on what you say. Can you imagine if all you had to say to a woman was: “I’m safe. I’ll never hurt or betray you. I really care about you. Also, I’m attractive and fun.” I’d be married to Zoe Saldana. Fortunately for Zoe, she’s not a robot, and that doesn’t work.
Women make determinations about your character based what you do when you think she isn’t watching you. Of course you brought her flowers. You paid for everything? Figured you would. Oh, you’re nice and sweet and you never say anything that you think will offend me? Pretty much what I see all the time. Just waiting for the other shoe to drop. While you think that your actions are saying. “I’m safe, I care about you,” she’s reading “He’s willing to do and say anything to sleep with me.” This whole time, she’s watching the way you walk, the way you answer your phone, the way your house looks and especially how you treat other people.
Why? Because she knows that the way that you treat your life will be the way you eventually treat her.
If you don’t clean your house, you’re not going to pay attention to her. If you talk down to your mom, you won’t respect her. If you walk around like a bull, aggressively knocking over everything in your path, she knows you will have neither the attention nor the skill to please her.
So how do you get past this test?
You don’t. You really don’t want to approach dating as if it’s a video game. “Yeah man! I got this strategy guide. It shows you step by step how to check off all of her boxes and get her to go with you.” Even if you could do it, you’d end up becoming a farce of a person with no self-respect.
The way to pass the mirror test is counter-intuitive. It’s not about the way that you approach her, though that is important. That will come naturally when you approach life in the right way for you.
When you’re centered in knowing who you really are and what you want out of life, you’re going to be powerful. You’ll be good at what you do. Your finances will be in order. The things in your care: your home, vehicle and possessions will reflect the good condition of your heart. Most importantly, you will have strong, harmonious relationships with your friends.
All of these things will show that you are smart, sweet, capable and safe without you having to say or demonstrate these things.
Have you ever tried to see one of those Magic Image illusion things? You know the page full of random swirls that’s supposed to show you a 3D image if you look at it the right way? The secret is to look past the page. In the same way, it’s a waste to try to impress a woman by focusing on your actions toward her in the short term. When you are focused on who you are in the long term, she will magically appear to you.
So what is that long-term vision for you? If you knew that you were going to live completely alone for eternity, what would you do with your time? Noone is ever going to be impressed, and no one will ever pay you for what you do. What do you do to enjoy yourself– how do you bring the beauty that lives in your heart out into the physical world?
You have some inkling of what it is you want to achieve. No matter your age or position in life, there is something within you calling out to be expressed. Give yourself to that, man! Organize your life so that everything in your life feeds into that passion like rivers run to the ocean.
You’ll come alive. People who share your passion will come into your life and become your best friend. You’ll find that you really love yourself and your life. In that love, you’ll find a confidence and a joy that can never be taken from you. Everyone around you, even if they can’t admit it, will want to share in that joy.
Naturally, some of those people will be women. Those women will already be on the same page as you. One of them will match so naturally with you that impressing her will be as easy as breathing.
It’s never about adapting yourself to be what someone wants you to be. It’s always, always, always about being as true as you can to yourself, and accepting the people who love that man.
“… to thine own self be true,
and it must follow, as the night the day,
thou canst not then be false to any man.”
So go on man! Be yourself. If you don’t know who you are, go find yourself. Your purpose is to find your purpose. Love yourself until you don’t need anyone else to. Just right then, someone will show up who really does.
Thanks for reading! Peace be with you!
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