My Best Decision Is the Most Selfish and Scariest

A friend approached me on the subject of early childbirth. As much as I wanted to be honest with my answer, I had some reservations.

The topic was breaching my privacy. I’m not comfortable sharing the incident surrounding my daughter’s birth.

For one, it always reminds me of a time I tried taking my life and that of my daughter.

Becoming a mum wasn’t roses and cherries for me. I had rough insecurities issues. And if you asked me 15 years ago if I could have turned the clock around and had kids later, I would have definitely said “yes.”

Now my situation is different. I look at my daughter, and I feel so proud. I’m grateful for having my girl when I did.

Having a child at 19 turned my life upside down. Because it wasn’t just the pregnancy I had to deal with. I was relying on friends and family for support.

Looking back and counting my blessings, I don’t wish I could have changed a thing. Whatever I went through was destined for my greatness.

I believe there is a reason for everything under the sun, and my situation was no different.

So to answer my friend, I told her having a child earlier was the best thing I have ever done for myself. Not that my gynecologist gave me much of an option.

My options were to abort the baby and never walk again, or I eventually walk again but never have another baby.

It was a tough choice. But I kept the baby, and I recovered after years of unbearable therapy sessions. And I’m planning on having a second baby, maybe a third too.

The real scare about having a child at a later age

Another friend of mine had three children in their 20s and the fourth one this year. She is 40, and she said it was a lot harder now than ever — when she was younger.

Early pregnancies have a lower chance of miscarriage, chromosomal abnormalities, gestational diabetes, and blood pressure, and a higher chance of being fitter and healthier.

People who have a baby in their early twenties are also more likely to be less stressed once their child reaches adulthood, giving them more time to focus on themselves.

The chances of conception begin to decline with age. A female’s egg count begins to gradually decline after age 32 and most strongly around age 35–37.

I admit I wasn’t mature in the way I handled childbirth in my 20s or motherhood in my early 30s. It took me a lot longer to get around pregnancy and motherhood, but I can still imagine how brutal childbirth can be for older women.

Children require so much attention, and I couldn’t do a lot of the things I should have done in my 20s. So, I feel like my daughter missed out on the ‘fun’ mom bonding. But I want to be an active grandmother, and I pray that my wish is guaranteed.

Even though I had a difficult time caring for my elderly grandparents and child at an early age, I never want to burden my children with the same situation. Where they have to take care of my aging body instead of spending that quality time with their kids.

Having a child early has its perks and odds. But the perks outweigh the odds in my book.

And no, I don’t mean you should go to get pregnant before you are ready to take on the emotional and financial side.

Take your time when it comes to childbirth, and there is more to life than just being a mother. But when you are ready, nature will bless you with your heart’s desire.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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