New Reality Dating Show Alert!

Reality dating shows are entertaining. There’s no doubt about it. Love Island (my personal favourite), Love Is Blind, The Ultimatum, Too Hot to Handle — the list goes on. But they mostly have one thing in common.

The contestants are supposed to figure out if they love someone in a very narrow window of time. This is a recipe for romantic ruin.

It doesn’t take long for the contestants to know whom they’re lusting after — made easier by the fact the casts constantly walk around in revealing swimwear — but love? Um, sorry, two weeks or a month or whatever it is ain’t gonna cut it in that department.

This is why the power couples who claim they’re in love on reality shows don’t last. A prime example is The Bachelor — only five couples remain together from the show’s long history as of 2022.

The people on these shows aren’t in love. They’re in love with how cute they look together in an Instagram post, sure. They’re in love with the corporate sponsorships pouring in, sure. But they wouldn’t donate an organ to the other in a crisis, that’s for sure.

A new formula that reflects… well, reality

The current love shows are also filled with clichés. They cry when their love interest is interested in someone else, pretending not to understand how that could happen on a dating show filled with attractive, single people.

The contestants on The Bachelor in particular often talk about their love “journeys” as if they’ve been on the show for years. They wonder if other contestants are on the show for the “right reasons”, and not just to blow up their Instagram popularity.

In fact, these shows are often so formulaic, that there are drinking games for when contestants say or do certain things.

That’s why I’m proposing a new dating show that will really test the couples (drum roll):

Going The Distance

…will be the name of the show I will soon pitch to a lucky producer, once I sort out the pilot script. (Yeah, I know there was a 2010 movie starring Drew Barrymore with the same name, because I looked it up. Who cares, movie nerd.)

This show will be different (I think.) Instead of winning a cash prize for tolerating each other outside the bedroom for a few weeks — like on most reality dating shows — contestants on my show will play the long game.

In order to win the $10 million (CDN) prize, the couple will have to stay together for 10 years minimum — with no cheating or running off into the woods never to return.

Imagine some of the worst narcissists on existing dating shows trying to get to six months without messing up. I mean, I’d pay to see that.

We as the audience will be able to tune in at any time to hear the show’s couples arguing about whose turn it is to grocery shop or pick up the dry cleaning. God forbid the couples have a child on the show, and then have to discuss daycare options as we struggle to stay awake.

Screw real televisions

Going The Distance will be an online-only show. Anyone will be able to log in to the show at any time from any device — and after watching just six short ads, can see the couples in real-time.

Viewers will be able to chat and comment on the scenes too — which will add an extra dimension to the fun, especially when the contestants reply.

Participants on the show will also be able to earn tips from viewers for saying or doing something clever or brave or even sexy, kind of like a built-in OnlyFans.

I know that most people don’t take reality dating shows seriously, but they reinforce the idea that love can be earned in weeks. Any young folk who take this at face value will be sorely disappointed when they realize their “soulmate” has lost interest after a few dates.

Love is a process that takes time to forge, with a lot of challenges along the way. It’s built on sacrifice and respect. Sure, physical attraction is great — and important to bring people together — but that’s not love. It can fade as quickly as it arrives.

In order to have a real bond, you have to go through shit together. You have to almost break up. You have to learn each other’s triggers, and avoid them. You have to learn their love language. Most of all, you have to cheer your partner on.

Producers, take notice!

Now, I know I’m probably an idiot for sharing such a lucrative idea. It will surely be snapped up by a major network before I get a chance to pitch it.

Either way, the show will test the staying power of the couples. It may look like love, but most of the infatuated couples on reality shows don’t know much about each other. They haven’t revealed all of their quirks and annoying habits, and learned to accept them.

Sure, your long-time partner may notice other people occasionally, but they will (hopefully) come back to you — a place of trust and comfort. Even polyamorous couples usually have a “main” partner to rely on, to confide in. There’s substance to these primary relationships.

Real love is not scripted. It’s sometimes ugly, sometimes boring. The pain is real, not fake tears. It’s not just all the passionate and fun moments edited together that we see on reality shows.

That’s my show.

Anyways, this is just an idea. If the usual reality dating show crowd turns up to audition for it, I don’t think we’ll have to worry about paying out the prize money.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.

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