As we step into the New Year, many people begin the year with resolutions a plenty. We resolve to make changes in our lives. Eat healthier, workout, better job, fall in love, and many other changeable areas. A few years ago, I decided to set my intention on one word for the coming year. The purpose of focusing on one specific word is to bring awareness to the word. The more we are aware of something, the more likely we are to do something about it. My word for 2018 was vulnerability.
Many people think vulnerability is a sign of weakness. For a long time, I believed this to be true as well. I thought sharing my emotions was going to lead me to a path of ultimate suffering. Unfortunately, that is not completely untrue either. Vulnerability is by definition putting yourself out there in a way that could potentially bring harm or danger. Whether this be physically or emotionally, vulnerability is a risk. Brene Brown speaks about vulnerability often and says, “if you are going to put yourself out there you are going to get your ass kicked”. Seriously, why did I pick this word?
I picked this word because for a very long time I have played it safe when it comes to my emotions. I did not believe in going all in emotionally in many areas of my life. I think it is pretty clear now one of the reasons I became a therapist, the therapeutic relationship is not about me. My issues with trusting others and myself prevented me from being vulnerable. I chose this word because I really wanted deeper personal connections.
So, what did a focus on vulnerability in 2018 do for me? Well, in the first part of the year, it cracked my heart wide open. I began to trust myself and my path more. I began trusting others more. I made some honest and deep connections with people I never imagined I would. Soul connections. The type of connections where you just feel good around the other person. Connections where you know your heart and soul is safe with the other person.
That was the first half of the year. I didn’t completely forget about vulnerability in the second half, but it was placed on the back burner for a bit. I was swept up in the hustle, bustle, and romantic parts of life. Here is why I say to be careful what you wish for or should I say, set your intention on. My intention for the year was to be vulnerable. I spoke about it often. The universe was in no way going to let me slide into 2019 without one last lesson to be sure I learned.
I learned that there will be times when you put yourself out there and you do in fact get your ass kicked. The old me would have thrown the walls back up around this old heart to protect it from any further damage. The me that has made an intention to embrace vulnerability understands there will be times when the outcomes are deepened connections. There will also be times when connections are lost. In order to truly embrace and understand vulnerability, I needed to understand sometimes it will hurt.
Set your intentions wisely as we enter the new year. The more you are aware of something the more lessons it will bring to you. I thought I understood vulnerability from what I learned in the first part of the year. Apparently, the universe is reminding me I still have a little learning to do.
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Photo by Josh Boot on Unsplash