Responding to the call from ‘nice guys’ for ethical pickup advice, Amanda Marcotte offers six tips for sustainable dating success.
Recently, Clarisse Thorn admirably tried to pick through the sewage strewn all over “pickup artist” (PUA) communities and find a handful of gems that could be plucked out and proffered to the socially awkward man who finds that he’s not getting laid as often as he’d like. (To which I say, who is?) Clarisse is less cynical than I am on this issue; I think the PUA mentality is too toxic to be polished into something non-misogynist. Even in its best forms, it’s still based on the sexist model of dating where women are selling and men are buying, an inherently sexist model that poisons even the occasional glimpses of common sense.
Still, Clarisse is right to say feminists haven’t really responded to the plaintive cries of self-described “nice guys” who claim they want non-sexist dating advice that works, but are forced to look to PUAs because there is no one else speaking to them. So, in the interest of good faith, I have concocted dating advice for men who swear up and down they are only drawn to misogynist PUA forums and seminars out of desperation and not sexism. Fair warning: this isn’t dating advice for everyone, but aimed at those who claim that they have to use tricks and traps to get laid, because they’re too socially awkward to get laid honestly.
Be generous about women’s motivations.
PUA communities spend a lot of time disparaging women with words like “shallow,” “gold-digger,” and “childish,” for having what they deem to be incorrect desires. But often, women’s choices make much more sense if you assume women date for fun and companionship, just as men do. If you don’t judge men for wanting sexiness, fun, and ego-boosting from women, then don’t judge women for wanting the same.
Believe that sex is not a battle.
The PUA model of dating is one where men are buying and women are selling, and therefore men’s job is to try to get as much sex out of women for as little a “price” as possible. This is not only sexist, but exhausting. You have more fun when your friends are having fun, right? Apply the same attitude towards dating, and you’ll become immediately hotter.
Make a list of traits you’re looking for in a woman.
This doesn’t have to be just for a long-term partner, though you might want different lists for different occasions. Be excruciatingly honest, even if it means writing down embarrassing things like “submissive” or “sexually inexperienced.” Physical characteristics are OK, but it’s more important to talk about stuff she can control, like her self-presentation. Be as specific as possible. If the ideal woman in your mind has a job in a creative profession and knows how to cook, write that down.
Next: Be more like The Situation
Fun and companionship comes from friends. Dating is for sex
Wow, what a crock. Being honest, there are some elements of actually useful and clear advice here; but you would have to be an absolute loser with no self-respect to take advice from Amanda Marcotte. It’s just not done. She herself can barely bring herself to go through the motions. She starts off by blatantly insulting any potential reader; she simultaneously defines her intended readership, and humiliates it: her advice is “aimed at those who claim that they have to use tricks and traps to get laid, because they’re too socially awkward to get laid honestly.” This woman always seems… Read more »
“, but aimed at those who claim that they have to use tricks and traps to get laid, because they’re too socially awkward to get laid honestly.” Actually id like to know how to not be too socially awkward to get laid honestly, if you have advice on that, i was kinda hoping when i got linked to this page that that is what i would find, how to approach a girl i like honestly? I cant speak for every guy visiting these but it feels like im missing something that everyone else knows and understands, like ive entered the… Read more »
The glance to the art regarding attraction details on five basic tips that will help men and women secure or perhaps improve relationships. That distinguishes between manipulative…Attract and Seduce Women
[…]here are some links to sites that we link to because we think they are worth visiting[…]…
Why the big concern about men going to the”self-improvement” websites? You can see the expectations
of the women. What did you expect to happen?
In my opinion, the female concern for PUAs is that they (females) can not discern them (PUAs) from true Alphas until it it too late (they have devalued their beds).
This piece fails to look at differences between men and women. We’re not wired the same. At. All. I feel women fail at recognizing our own attraction triggers, we lump ourselves into the group called the human race rather than looking at our biological differences. Men do have a harder time in dating because they are expected to make the approaches and first moves in general. I’ve often been glad I’m not a guy for this reason alone. Are there misogynist men on PUA sites? Yep. Are there misandrist women on feminist sites? Yep. There are also many men and… Read more »
I’m developing a Word Comment filled with great women’s comments on GMP, consider yours included.
I have posted this exact same comment at multiple places, hoping some women actually take the challenge. So here it goes again. All you girls giving advice, be it the author of this article, women in the comments section, or anywhere else on the internet, there is a very specific term for you in the PU community – it’s called Keyboard Jockey. In simpler words, people who just talk/post on the internet but never take any action. If you are so confident that your advice works, take on the following challenge. Find a guy in your area/city in his 20s… Read more »
Big Gus – Great post! But I do not see how you expect to receive any cooperation in this from women.
If you’re a woman reading this and you want to understand why men find these articles trivializing, insulting and marginalizing of men – I’ll give you the perfect analogy. Let’s say you have a business and want to grow it into a MULTI-MILLION-dollar business. And then you read an article (on building a multi-million dollar business) and it says things like – Think of your customers as human beings, don’t see them as mere cash bags – Don’t be a dumbtard who sells stuff people don’t want – Try to sell stuff that’s not rotten, spoiled and try not to… Read more »
Trouble is, the advice given isn’t written by a woman, as you claim. It is, as the article clearly states, plucked from PUA advice which is wholly formulated by men. They are the ones talking down to you. You seem to have over-reacted a lot and found a way to generate several paragraphs worth of complaints about women as an undifferentiated group out of a totally false premise. I think I know why the ladies aren’t responding to you. It’s because you’re crazy unreasonably and that’s never attractive.
Actually, if you read the article, you’ll see quite clearly it WAS written by a women.
Her name is Amanda Marcotte.
And this article is her dating advice for men.
What confused you, is that this article is a RESPONSE to an article by a DIFFERENT woman (named Clarisse Thorn) and HER article is cherry-picking pickup tips from the PUA community. But, see, THIS article is not THAT one.
Now that this is cleared up, you might want to consider apologizing to AlekNovy for your ad hominem attacks following his quite reasonable and well written response.
AlekNovy, you need a blog! I’m going to say it. Yes, Alek is right. If women could give men advice by telling them what they want, do you really think men could give women advice by telling them what they want? Could you imagine how many guys would say things like: “Girls if you really want a guy, you need to put out on the first date. Show up with as little clothing as possible. In fact! Show up with no clothing at all! That means your exciting! Then you should buy dinner.” There’s a lot of crap that the… Read more »
You hit the nail right on the head! Everything you’ve said here is 100% true in my experience.
God this is all so true. Seems like every article on how to attract women by a woman either provides painfully obvious advice (“have you tried showering?”) or the impossible (“be the funniest person she knows”). Or they demean the man (“you probably suck to much to get a date, try being more interesting first”).
I think the reason many men have turned to the PUA community is because those guys provide implementable tactics. Like, things that a person can actually do, versus just vague notions of “be better”.
Why have someone who is profoundly sexist give advice to a group against whom she is so biased?
This is ridiculous. Amanda Marcotte is a racist, misandrist talking head.
Whether including racist illustrations in her book or spouting off sexist comments about men, this person does not need another outlet to spew her hate.
Amanda Marcotte is a young, affluent, White, conventionally attractive professional woman who lives in an upscale part of Brooklyn, New York. Were she not in a relationship she’d have no problem finding a new man – basically, she could just put on a cute outfit, go out to her favorite bar and in short order she’d have plenty of willing candidates to choose from. She has no understanding of how unpopular men experience the dating game, so her advice is useless – she’s never had to struggle to find opposite sex companionship, so she has no idea of what it’s… Read more »
Amanda talks more about PUA http://bloggingheads.tv/diavlogs/35528?in=13:47&out=25:40
Can we from this conclude that Amanda doesn’t practice what she preaches?
I wonder how many women who “fall for” PUA techniques are really all that duped. I’m guessing that most of the women who go home with a man they meet in a bar have not fallen in love nor are they under any illusions as to the sincerity or long-term relationship prospects of the man. She may be settling for him as part of a short-term strategy as much as he’s “picking up women” as part of a short-term strategy. Also, I think there is a subtle difference between deception and creating a pleasing illusion. The pleasing illusion can be… Read more »
This misses the point a bit, in my view. The point isn’t necessarily to fool or charm anyone—it’s to get laid. For the PUA it doesn’t matter if the woman isn’t charmed or fooled—only whether or not she gives it up.
In the final analysis, “Game” will die when it stops working. If “Game” didn’t get guys laid, then no one would do it.
There’s a great response on Feminist Critics. The comments on this page are a lot worse than the comments over there.
Many men, including myself, have asked feminists to describe what they think would be good dating advice for men, rather than just telling men what not to do. We have to give some credit to Amanda for attempting this article, even though I’m sure she knows that lots of people are going to shoot it down. Actually, considering how poorly Amanda understands pickup, the motivations of the guys who are into it, and the challenges facing the class of guys she is attempting to advise, it’s surprising that her article isn’t completely terrible. Some of the advice is good, for… Read more »
Whatever genuine ‘advice’ she may have given is canceled out by the piece’s smug, sarcastic, insulting tone, IMO.
Do the comments look messed up, like not in the right order, for anyone else or just me?
No this happens a lot when the comments reach a certain point. I dont know why
I like how were liking comments about the comment organization.
To me, this is what a nice guy is all about:
A nice guy is all about apologizing to women everywhere and everyday for the objectification, the degradation, the humiliation, the suffering, the poverty, the raping, the abuse, the sexual slavery, that women throughout history have had to endure because of men.
Heh, nothing like some self-flagellating liberals sensuously wallowing in guilt over the evils of the white man. As if we didn’t have enough feminists crowing that all men are evil, these pathetic souls are actually joining in the chorus. They should stop apologizing for being men and just get a sex change already. And that goes for a few male feminist bloggers I can name, too.
This is good advice:
– hit the gym
-be someone that the person you want to be with would want to be with
I am also liking the love for the situation. Too many men suffer from “ressentiment”. They call other people douchbags and don’t understand why women are attracted to those guys. Understand why women are attracted to those guys.
Ugh, I’ll stick to being a hermit before I ever act like that idiot.
Hey Amanda. One final question, your encouragement to hit the gym more often, and defending this by saying that you would do this yourself. Hypothesize that I hit the gym 6 days a week, that I had pecs that could break bricks and abs that could crush beer cans. Would this excuse me from being shallow if I started talking about how I do not wish to date fat women?
Why do you need to talk about it? Can’t you just not do it?
I second twg. You can prefer not to date big women without insulting and dehumanizing them. Turning down a woman you find unattractive and wearing a ‘no fatties’ shirt are very different things. Privately acknowleding what does and does not turn you on is different than stating that fat woman are unattractive period. It also attacks the desires of the all the men (and women!) that love big women.
I don’t think she was suggesting hitting the gym and then changing your personal mate preferences to women who are equally fit. I believe she was saying to be fair and realistic in your approach. A chubby fella who prefers fit women should not be surprised to find that these women also prefer fit men. If he wants to increase his chances of catching the eye of the type of women he’s attracted to, making an effort to be the type of man that THEY are attracted to would be helpful. It’s just about being fair and realistic. Most men… Read more »
Indeed, or as a French guy whose name I can’t remember once said: “I have spent my life searching for the perfect woman, and eventually I found her, but alas, she was looking for the perfect man”.
Actually I would think that if the question came to women, feminist would fight tooth and nail for the right of the woman to lust after any type of man she desires. It would probably be called something akin to feminism not being about limiting womens’ sexuality.
There’s a difference between lusting after someone and expecting them to be interested in you.
Everyone can be attracted to whomever they wish.
So why do I then read on this very page Hugo’s dwelling into why it is ‘unnatural’ and wrong for older men to lust after younger women?
Human female hypergamy is an established model. The more common term for it is “female sexual choice”. Female choice is easily measured and can be shown: Mitochondria, which all inherit from moms, is far greater in diversity than that which men only inherit from their fathers. Men have more variation in their mating success than women. Some have more descendants than others, while for females, the success variability is much less. This measurable fact deduces to female sexual choice, which implies hypergamy. Darwin’s sexual selection, Trivers parental investment etc
Saying that “human female hypergamy is an established model” is a bit like saying creationism is a theory. Yeah, it’s an established model. A not very good model, but it sure is established.
This measurable fact deduces to female sexual choice, which implies hypergamy.
Er, how, exactly does that imply hypergamy? What it seems to imply is that women have fewer sexual partners than men, on the average. That has nothing to do with hypergamy, necessarily.
I may not have been clear enough: “female sexual choice” (byproduct artifact hypergamy), which is a well documented and established theory (Trivers, Fisher, Hamilton on parental investment ect), very unlike creationism – as to your remark about it not being a good model, and with no snide intended – I suggest you restrict your dismissals to topics you have some rudimentary knowledge about. These folks are world class biologists, so you need to up your game exponentially if you want to comment on their work. To your second point – no, that’s not what it means. Think about the benefits… Read more »
As an evolutionary biologist (no, I’m not kidding you), I’d like to suggest you stop using very tenuous evo-psych on humans. Sexual selection driven by female choice is widespread in the animal kingdom (though not the only model by far) and very well-supported, but it is a dangerous and irresponsible thing to try and draw conclusions about almost any aspect of human behavior from looking at fellow vertebrates. We have a very, very long critical period and are deeply dependent on enculturation. A look at the wide variety of human cultures (and the many different phenotypes that similar genes can… Read more »
I suggest you save your ire for the fellow above who likened it to creationism. If you are indeed a fellow biologist, you would know that any conclusions drawn are statistical in nature, and that you’re choice of the word “tenuous” is inappropriate in a statistical conversation, between biologists…unless you’re claim is that it is not statistcally significant.
If so, then we’re going to have a different conversation.
No one mentioned stats previously. What data set are we drawing from, because I didn’t see one? Are we sticking with frequentist, or can we go with Bayes? Statistical significance doesn’t mean anything if you’re trying to draw conclusions beyond your study’s scope of inference. My original point that the presence of female choice as a driver of sexual selection in many taxa does not mean hypergamy is a well-established fact in human populations. It means nothing about human populations. Intersexual sexual selection is NOT like creationism; it is a well-established, testable model for how SOME animals mate (let’s not… Read more »
Hypergamy is not just a hypothesis pushed by “some” evolutionary psychologists – see ethnography, economic theory and game theory. There are literally hundreds of scholarly papers you can review on line.
You sound like a secret “blank slate” endorser, with your disbelief. That something can’t be “nailed down” exactly is not a topic under discussion. Complexity is not a refuge.
I’m not a ‘blank slate’ endorser. I’ll acknowledge some innate differences in men and women, which in reality highly are overlapping bell curves. Sure, means may differ, but the variances make that fact nearly irrelevant. To paraphrase Stephen Jay Gould, statistics mean nothing to the individual. Honestly, it’s hard to say what women are evolutionary driven to be attracted to in men when a good portion of women aren’t even attracted to men at all! Yes, there are buckets of scholarly papers on hypergamy (and maybe this is discipline bias speaking, but evolutionary psychology papers on humans aren’t held to… Read more »
Sorry, I lost interest after the first point. Considering that Amanda marcotte has demonstrated little to no ability to be “generous with motivations” with regard to men, I find it ironic in the least, not to mention downright insulting for her to “advise” such a thing to men.
Actually, more to the point, I’m skeptical that women are actually capable of giving good dating advice to men, simply because they literally have no idea what men have to go through to get a date. Every time I’ve heard a woman say that she’s asked men out, it’s eventually followed by the confession that this was “only a few times” and they usually stopped after getting rejected.
This is not something men have an (realistic) option of doing.
granted, I’m skeptical of the PUA community as well, but at least they’re coming from a point of shared experience.
Yep, women are pretty comfortable sitting back and waiting for the men to make all the moves, then accepting or rejecting them as they please. You can’t really blame’em for that, can you? On the other hand, this means they have to deal with a lot of unwanted advances, whereas the men can pick exactly who they want to go after. There’s pros and cons either way. As for the ‘not knowing what they want’, I think it’s like fast food. When someone asks us what’s good to eat, we might talk about calories, additives, the dangers of junk food,… Read more »
hey, everybody that down-voted me, why not actually comment and tell me why you think I’m wrong? I mean, I assume you have an actual reason, rather than just a knee-jerk “He disagrees with me! Ow Noes!” reaction
Okay, I’ll bite. I disagree with your feeling that women are not capable of giving men decent advice about, well, themselves. The main reason is that there is only one group of people on this planet that honestly know what women like and dislike, and that group of people is women. Being approached by a “pick-up artist” is an uncomfortable experience that many women go through on a regular basis. The same tired and often annoying and offensive tactics are employed against us again and again. The only women who go home with men who employ such tactics are women… Read more »
I don’t disagree with what you’ve written here, at all really. And while I haven’t looked into PUA stuff a whole lot (and as I’ve stated before, am a bit skeptical of a lot of it) the fact is that, at least in some situations- this stuff works. If it didn’t, it wouldn’t exist. Also, the idea that “women don’t know what they want” (disclaimer: Yes, I’m generalizing here) exists for a reason. Men, probably, don’t really know what they want either. Women do this kind of thing too, in general who do women look at for advice on how… Read more »
I had to re-read through the article again, to confirm this… but nowhere in the article does it actually give a non-sexist version of the advice that a PUA guide would, which is on how to actually ask for a date. The advice given here would probably make it more likely one would get a “yes” and that’s fine…but there’s nothing on how to actually /ask./ What to say, how to say it, how to stand when saying it, when to say it, what *not* to say, how to determine when you have a reasonable shot, how to recognise when… Read more »
I have to agree. Amanda Marcotte has not been shy about her loathing for men, her assumption that we’re all born rapists waiting for our big chance, and that heterosexuality itself is a “corrupt social convention.” I’m expected to believe she actually wishes lonely single men well in their search for love and companionship? Boy, can I get you a good price on the Brooklyn Bridge!
I’m not sure I understand why you think this advice is emasculating. Would you prefer that men treat women with disrespect, have unreasonable and unfair expectations of them, and employ deceptive tactics against them in attempt to somehow “trick” them into bed? I think the advice in this article is great. I sure as heck wouldn’t want to date a man who thinks that treating me like an individual human being who is worthy of respect is “emasculating”. I’m not sure what people have against the idea of equal respect between genders. If it weren’t for the “self-serving feminist agenda”,… Read more »
Because of her history and other things she’s written, I’m not a big fan of Marcotte (my previous comments will attest to that). But your language is totally uncalled for, especially when everyone else has been polite so far. Being a man means you can stand up for yourself and your beliefs without acting like a petulant, foul-mouthed jackass. Otherwise you’re no better than the radical feminists shouting down everyone who disagrees with them.
Dude, I’m no fan of Marcotte either. But when you start throwing around the c-word and talking about wanting to inflict physical violence against women, you’ve crossed the line. Go get therapy, asshat.
Ridiculously bad article by Amanda Marcotte. The ‘advice’ is useless, and Amandas derisive snarl aimed at men in general and nice guys in particular, is sickining and quite frankly lacks empathy towards men caught in a bad, bad situation. Try 38 years of near total rejection by women on for size and come back and give me a better attempt at useful ways of achieving what everybody, men and women, need: intimacy and closeness. We men need that intimacy and closeness as much as you women. And for those of us that can’t achieve that as we are, all Amanda… Read more »
The article was nice, but then I read the comments. I am so happy I am a lesbian. (: For lesbians’ amusement, I am going to quote some of these men, men who say they love women. Would you want to sleep with any of these losers? “I can understand why women don’t like effective dating advice for men. It reveals very uncomfortable truths about the female psyche. Were I a woman, I would probably hate the fact my gender flocks to rogues like ducks do to breadcrusts by a pond” “We men need that intimacy and closeness as much… Read more »
Poor selective quoting Jemma. Clarisse has empathy enough to see this from the viewpoint of the nice guys left out in the cold by gender stereotypes. Amanda doesn’t. Amanda’s ‘advice’ is useless, and delivered with scorn. Not nice. The problem is that it’s not just a question of “taking what’s mines”, it’s a question of engaging socially with women in the world today. Amanda doesn’t have a functioning viewpoint, just scorn created by a lack of empathy. And why don’t you ask yourself “Is the man happy, safe and enjoying himself on his own terms?”. But I guess that’s not… Read more »
Yeah, what really gets me as well is this nasty undercurrent of “if you don’t have a girlfriend, you probably don’t deserve one” just below the surface of pretty much any feminist’s post directed at guys who have trouble finding love. I wonder what the reaction would be like if women who couldn’t get a date got this kind of response.
Oh, yeah. So, all the countless covers of Cosmo et al, with their tips on how to look hot, on what men want, on how to make the right moves in bed – you don’t think any of that could maybe be telling women that getting a man is really, really important, and that women should go out of their way to be attractive in order to accomplish this?
You don’t see the pressure on young women to please men and find a mate? Makes me wonder – what colour is the sky on your planet?
I think I can speak for Amanda when I say that I don’t think she, or any other woman really cares if you’re sitting or standing while you pee. However, we do care that you don’t pee all over the seat. It’s all about consideration, dude. (And really, who would want to sit in your urine? Not me.) All she’s saying is, respecting the woman you want will get you a lot farther than lying and manipulation, figure out what you want and whether or not it’s realistic, and be the best person you can be rather than, again, lying… Read more »
well, I don’t see why your comments are being censored…..
divergent viewpoint but nothing offensive and definitely good humored with the talk about “pee.”
I clicked “like”
(that was in response to Brittany-Ann, not Look At Me so webmaster, make the comment system easier to use.)
That’s a nice view but unfortunately it doesn’t work. Be kind, respectful and considerate and you’ll be seen as “a good friend”. Be a dangerous “bad boy” or a jerk who doesn’t seem to give a crap about anyone – that’s hot.
Let me tell you something, as someone who spends her entire life working around decent men: those words aren’t decent. Those words are vile. If I heard my brother, or my father, or my students say them, I’d lose respect for them. They’re especially not the words who come out of the mouth of the majority of men who are socially competent or decent enough to be in the sort of relationship they want to be in. The “women don’t know what they want” meme is just a self-preserving cognitive bias that the socially incompetent tell themselves. The vast majority… Read more »
Just like you are an example of the worst of men…there are examples of the worst of women.
The point is not to roll around in the mud and wallow..the point..is to better yourself.
What kind of fecking unintelligent gobshite is this? Are you actually meaning to tell me that just because one overpaid ringpiece from some third-rate website I’ve never even heard of says that women are all x, that they actually are? You’re going to discount actual testimony on this site from women who say the opposite of this in favour of someone who confirms your most pathetic and irrational of “bitches must want to be abused” personal peccadilloes? Of course there are idiotic women. I’d make a guess that about 20-40% of women are absolute morons of the highest order; exactly… Read more »
Are you kidding? That article is right on the money. If anything, it’s refreshing to see a woman being honest for once. My old roommate at college could have inspired that piece. He was the definition of a ‘bad boy’. He’d lay on the charm in the beginning, then turn into a selfish, abusive prick when the relationship solidified. By that point, the girl didn’t want to let him go. She convinced herself that he was really a good guy underneath, that maybe she wasn’t working hard enough at pleasing him, that maybe he would stop cheating on her if… Read more »
Do I need to reel through my list of male friends to find examples to the contrary? They too are only a short representation of the countless dozens of gentlemen of outstanding character with only modest patriarchally-acknowledged attributes (conventional good looks, income potential, athleticism) who are nevertheless happily in relationships. Colleague – shorter than me (5’6), not spectacularly high salary (school chaplain), not amazingly athletic; engaged to terrific fiance with perfectly good job. Friend – graduate teacher, extremely skinny – is on his second long-term relationship; both have been with extremely nice women who he still maintains positive relationships with.… Read more »
Oh, I never denied that beta males can eventually find someone. Usually happens in their 30s when they’ve got a stable life and income. They’ll find some woman who got tired of screwing every bad-boy in town, is realizing her looks are heading downhill, and is looking for a docile sucker who’ll worship the ground she walks on and give her a comfortable life. Like the guy who took his wife’s last name, or the one who comforted his wife as she mourned the death of her long-time lover. I feel sorry for those guys, because I know (and they… Read more »
The oldest guy mentioned here is 27; the youngest is still 17. Most are between 22 and 24, as are all of the women they are with. In my own personal relationship, I was 18 and he was 19. I was also a virgin at the time, so alas hadn’t had any opportunities to be a stand-in for any form of sustainable transport mechanism. Please allow me to understand your logic. You say that women never ever go for nice guys. When presented with a list of exceptions to your rule, you claim they must all be a) “betas”, and… Read more »
So what you’re basically saying, bec, is “your experiences don’t matter, your observations made in the real world are irrelevant, you’re wrong because I say so.” Just checking.
Well, if his observations are 100% a-ok, then so are mine. My world is presumably just as real (if perhaps a little more antipodean) as his one is. It is also a world full of guys who are outwardly pretty damn average who are all experiencing the sort of relationship they have always wanted to have, so perhaps it is a slightly more pleasant world to be a part of.
That’s because there’s no “game” or “strategy” to this. Women are not some monolithic entity. If you like a particular woman, talk to her. Smile. Flirt. Be who you are. I’m not saying this will work, because she as an individual may not be attracted to you as an individual. Once I stopped reading Cosmo and other women’s magazines, and trying to emulate what they told me was attractive to men, and started exploring who I was, men started being attracted to me! Imagine that! People don’t have “types.” People are attracted to “traits.” Sometimes traits are unidentifiable. I can’t… Read more »