Develop real self-confidence.
Pickup artists are right that confidence is sexy, but where they mislead is claiming confidence can be gained through simple social tricks. I’m skeptical; hiding your feelings of inadequacy behind tricks probably just reinforces the sense that the real you can’t be good enough.
Instead of wasting time on developing tricks to hide your inadequacies, why not use that time and energy actually feeling less inadequate? I’m not exhorting you to just be self-confident. Real confidence, in my experience, is a combination of having concrete things to be proud of (traits and accomplishments, not possessions) and a focus on the positive over the negative. A side dose of having a sense of humor about your flaws never hurts. Lack of defensiveness is the first step toward actual confidence.
So there’s my entry into the art of non-sexist dating advice, though I maintain a healthy skepticism that it’s not a lack of good dating advice that drives self-styled nice guys into the arms of pickup artists. But I’m always happy to be proved wrong.
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