Happiness — the most written about, studied, and searched word in the world next to love.
I was recently asked to give a series of talks around the concept of happiness and I put together a 4-part series to unpack its meaning and explicit connections with well-being. In going through that process, I started questioning my own definition of happiness and what it actually meant.
When I was younger, watching cartoons on a Saturday morning made me happy. Eating strawberry pop tarts made me happy. For a time in my 20s, partying until 2 am made me happy.
Why did these things change for me? Why do the things that once made me happy no longer do the job?
Through my introspection, here are three revelations I discovered:
Happiness As a Feeling Is Fleeting
Think about where you are right now as you are reading this article. Are you happy? Do you feel happy? If that answer is yes, I want you to take a moment to think about how you would suddenly feel if a bee came flying by and stung you in the arm. It would hurt, you’d feel pain, you would potentially develop a severe allergic reaction. Happiness — gone!
When we approach happiness as a feeling, we are chasing something that comes and goes like the wind. It can’t stay forever and it can’t be captured in a bottle. At least, not for long anyways. This is why happiness as a feeling is a lifelong pursuit vs a destination. You can chase and capture a moment of happiness, then it leaves us causing us to then chase it down again day in and day out.
We Need to Move Beyond Happiness
Once we acknowledge that happiness as a feeling is fleeting, we can now explore what is beyond happiness. When we peel back these layers, beautiful things emerge. We start to find things like purpose, fulfillment, and joy — all of which run deep through the core of our well-being. It’s when we land here that we can begin moving towards a better place in our hearts and in our minds. We move beyond feeling and into being. We become fulfilled vs fun-filled. Our souls sing for joy in the moments of our days and gratitude is born. In our work, we begin seeing work as a craft rather than an obligation and a pursuit of something more important than ourselves vs punching the clock from A to B. Life isn’t just lived, it’s lived richly.
Happiness Looks Different For Everyone
My wife loves reality TV shows. They bring her a feeling of happiness as these shows do for millions of eyeballs around the world each day. For me, I feel the happiest about 3–4 km into an outdoor run. Different things facilitate the feeling of being happy. On a deeper level, my wife’s vocation brings her a deep sense of joy, connectedness with her soul, and fulfillment in her life. For me, I operate in a completely different space and hum at a frequency that brings me a deep sense of joy, purpose, and fulfillment. Both of our careers take us beyond happiness as do the friends we hang out with and our nurtured love for each other. When we are rowing in the same direction, it’s a real thing of beauty.
In your own life, what makes you truly happy?
What takes you beyond feeling happy?
How does that look and feel professionally? Relationally? Personally? Something to think about as we move beyond just feeling happy and towards something more concrete, unshakeable, and soul-filling.
It’s time to dust off the journal and ask yourself these questions to row beyond the buoy of happiness. Search for deeper waters and fill your soul with what you find.
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Previously Published on Medium
