As I always say, your relationship must only be a part of your life and not your entire life. And if we do not have this clarity and perspective, the chances are high that we obsess over someone, even in the initial phases, and would put everything at pause just to see if they have replied to us or not!
Ellen Nguyen said it right in her article 13 ways to calm your dating anxiety and stop your texting obsessions, ‘such anxious behavior is a sign of having low self-esteem and other underlying emotional issues that cause you to seek validation from the outside and make you drawn to the constant highs and lows of toxic connections.’
How to fix that?
The suggestions listed below are based on my personal experience.
Being aware of the obsession
Acceptance is the first step toward change. Educate yourself about the symptoms of obsessive love and if they align with your behavior, take a deep breath, acknowledge them, and resolve to educate yourself about the patterns of healthy love.
Healthline lists possible symptoms of OLD (Obsessive Love Disorder):
Symptoms of OLD may include:
- an overwhelming attraction to one person
- obsessive thoughts about the person
- feeling the need to “protect” the person you’re in love with
- possessive thoughts and actions
- extreme jealousy over other interpersonal interactions
- low self-esteem
People who have OLD may also not take rejection easily. In some cases, the symptoms could worsen at the end of a relationship or if the other person rejects you. There are other signs of this disorder, such as:
- repeated texts, emails, and phone calls to the person they’re interested in
- a constant need for reassurance
- difficulty having friendships or maintaining contact with family members because of the obsession over one person
- monitoring the actions of the other person
- controlling where the other person goes and the activities they engage in
I am attaching my previous articles on the topic for additional help:
Improve your self-esteem
One of the causes of OLD is low self-esteem. When you do not feel confident with who you are and see yourself as worthy, you seek validation from external sources.
Detailed article on the same: How I Improved my Self-Esteem?
Understand anxiety and work on it
People with anxiety have a heightened sense of worry about everything and such sense translates into obsessive behavior.
Work on resolving your anxiety by following these measures (based on personal experience):
- Move your body: Our physical health is directly related to our mental health and moving our bodies everyday is a scientifically proven method to resolve anxiety.
- Deep Breathing: I am a strong proponent of deep breathing. It helps you calm your nerves immediately. Just close your eyes and take some deep, slow breaths for a minute or two everytime you feel anxious (chest pain is a clear sign of it).
- Therapy: Therapy does not offer immediate solution but it helps you solve the problem from the root. Therapy helps you gain perspective and develop belief patterns that foster healthy relationships.
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Additional Resources:
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Thanks for reading.
Check out my other pieces on relationships and life here: Bhanu Singhal
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This post was previously published on medium.com.
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Photo credit: iStockPhoto.com
